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- This topic has 53 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.
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March 13, 2016 at 12:07 pm #98864AnonymousGuest
Dear John_1:
This question, to dig into the old relationship (the past with her), or start a new relationship without reviewing the past- that would be an excellent question to ask her. It is not about asking her, getting an answer and obeying the answer. It is about opening a topic for discussion, back and forth. She says something, you think about it, evaluate it, say something on the matter, then she does and so forth. The answer is not necessarily going to appear in one conversation.
Even if you agree to an answer, any one of you can change your mind. It may appear at first that there is no need to review the past and you are both, let’s say, excited about starting something new, right this time for both of you, but as time goes on, things come up… and it seems to any one of you, that the past is still here, so then, you can talk about it again and decide to dig into the past so to indeed, start something new.
Often it is through the digging into the past, that a truly new, free-from-the-past relationship can begin.
anita
March 13, 2016 at 4:27 pm #98871AnonymousInactiveOf course this requires mutual effort. Right now there is no such thing. So, i will let the river take its course.
Your reply shows exactly how loose things are and can be. You previously said something about avoiding what ifs. There is no one to guarantee you that in the next relationship you can avoid anything. In life, there are infinite variables. That is why i insisted in focusing with my current situation instead of focusing in future relationships. Right now, all i need is feedback, like you said. I am sure that you too agree that her silence is creating a bunch of unanswered thoughts, a situation in which that many of us reading this topic can correlate with.
March 13, 2016 at 6:17 pm #98877AnonymousGuestDear John_1:
I wish you Win-Win relationships in the future, with whomever it may be. If you need further input from me, please let me know what it may be. Take good care of yourself!
anita
March 24, 2016 at 1:36 pm #100003AnonymousInactiveHey John, How have you been?
May 26, 2016 at 9:05 am #105680AnonymousInactiveIf you think it’s REAL LOVE than fight for it. Everyone makes mistakes.. sometimes people do stupid things because of their insecurity and unfortunately manipulative dark souls enters affecting your bond. It is sad because you can not change it .. if someone is blind by the new person than could not judge situation clearly. I wish you well xx
July 2, 2016 at 8:05 am #108722AnonymousInactiveHello once again my friends!
I would like to share with you some updates on this topic!
Your advice really helped me see where i was wrong concerning the issue with my ex girlfriend. The past 6 months have been hard form me as i was trying to get back on my feet. In my journey i realized a a lot about myself and the way i deal with other people. I indeed was selfish but i also had hidden issues that needed to be resolved.
I also met another wonderful girl who stood by me all the way. One month ago, we decided to get into a relationship. She knows all about me and my ex(es) but gave us a chance. Last week, i posted a pic on my fb account and 2 days later i got a pot of red flowers with a card writing ‘You don’t have to know who i am. I just wanted to say i am sorry. sorry.’
I told my gf and we tried to figure out who this girl was. I also posted on fb ‘seeking the person behind the anonymous sorry:)’
A day later i got an email writing ‘i am sorry. There is no meaning finding out who the girl who says sorry is etc etc”
I opened it but did not actually read it. I thought that saying sorry anonymously was immature.My gf suggested that (if it is my ex indeed) i should contact her so to resolve past unanswered questions. I believe that it is my ex just saying i am sorry for everything, now that i have finally moved on. My friends say that she wouldn’t have sent flowers if she didn’t want something…
I didn’t want to dig into this so to protect my new girl, as it is not right for both of us. That’s why i deleted the email. But this whole thing made me think.
What is your opinion…? Thank you!
July 2, 2016 at 9:19 am #108734AnonymousGuestDear John_1:
I am glad you posted again. My thought: an apology without the name of the one apologizing is like a check without a signature- no good.
And so, the one who apologized to you should remain who she or he presented herself as: Anonymous.
This no-name apology is like a carrot introduced to a rabbit: come get it! is the message. I am not going to let you eat the carrot, but I want to see you try and get it.
And I don’t think you want to be tricked like that.
anita
July 2, 2016 at 11:19 am #108740AnonymousInactiveAnita, so you think that the ‘apology’ is not sincere;someone is playing games? Why would ananyone do that? Especially if is my ex?
As i already told my friends, an anonumous apology is not an apologyJuly 3, 2016 at 8:05 am #108764AnonymousGuestDear John_1:
I agree: an anonymous apology is not an apology. And yes, I think this “apology” is not sincere because it is not complete (the name is missing as well as WHAT it is he or she is apologizing for!)-
It is not necessarily someone having fun doing it. It could be your ex kind-of wanting to apologize at one moment, impulsively producing a very lacking apology, a kind of an apology-like, on a moment of impulse and then going about her business. If not malicious then it was impulsive, lacking thought, lacking maturity.
anita
July 3, 2016 at 9:22 am #108775AnonymousInactiveThis is exactly what i thought too. It was an impulsive thought/action. But i did got an email the day after i posted on fb about it. That made me think
July 4, 2016 at 5:20 pm #108826AnonymousGuestDear John_1:
I hope you think that email goodbye and send it to its anonymous journey to nowhere in particular.
anita
July 5, 2016 at 10:40 am #108875AnonymousInactiveYes, i think that is the right thing to do. I was hoping though it was a true ‘i am sorry’ mail from my ex. At least i would have known that she recognized the pain i felt. I don’t want to think that she sent it because she lost attention.
July 5, 2016 at 11:00 am #108881AnonymousGuestDer John_1:
I understand your hope. Unfortunately the lack of detail in the apology, or a name, makes it impossible to make your hope real. Such an apology can be at best impulsive. See to it that the woman you are now involved with is taking responsibility for her actions, apologizes when it is called for and that you do the same. If you both do that as the relationship is ongoing, there will be no requirement for one big post-relationship apology at the end, and there may not be an end at all.
anita
July 5, 2016 at 3:08 pm #108902AnonymousInactiveDear Anita,
I agree with you on your thought on my new relationship. I will try and not make the same mistakes.
About the apology, keep in mind that this person took the time to write an email also, in order to say who she is in an indirect way. I did not read the mail as i was sure it will bring me down psychologically. This action gave rise to many questions. If it is my ex (i believe it is), why did she took the time to apologize for her behavior, even after 3-4 months? My friends say now that she broke up with her (short term) relationship and saw that i moved on, she wanted to seek my attention. They insist that no one sends flowers and emails if he/she does not want something from you. I am confused.
July 5, 2016 at 3:39 pm #108906AnonymousGuestDear John_1:
You are very motivated to know more about this email. Why not contact your ex girlfriend and ask her?
anita
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