{{This has been really interesting to read. I am familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (we had to look into this when I was taking my adult education night-class last year.)}}

Hi Joe,

I value our digital relationship and allow myself to feel it goes deeper than that as we get a sense of each other, some true, some projection of what we’d like to be. I am interested to know you are you are and not just as my projection of who you are. That is my lead-in to respond, as I have realized that my social skills are not the most refined. I am good with writing a post which I can edit and re-edit, but when it comes to personal replies, I feel a bit out of my element unless it happens to be in the Flow.

You may wonder where I am headed with this. To get to the point, if we were talking face-to-face I would feel more at ease because we could correct ourselves in the moment, make what was said more clear, and bring our body language into the conversation. I feel unsure as to how directly I can respond without offending.

{{But with regards to the question at hand – what hinders emotional maturity – I would like to suggest that being surrounded by toxic people could be a cause to this – projecting many of the negative emotions that you have mentioned in the list. Criticism. Abuse. Expectations. Maybe some people are unaware that they are poisoning a relationship – These people have their own dramas, their own dilemmas…Being around these people who deliberately or unintentionally do or say something which creates distress and disrupts the state of emotional equilibrium that the person was in.}}

My perspective on this is that it is only when I let go of pointing to ‘others’ as the cause of my distress and disruption of equilibrium, and take on full responsibility for my reactions to their criticism, abuse and expectations that I can grow into emotional maturity. I am in a challenging situation also, and even recently ‘blew up’ in reaction to my perception of disrespectful, lazy, unaware behaviors. And after that, I took on more self-responsibility and recognized that behaviors in ‘others’ just reflect the seedling state of unfolding in these adults and I can still find ways to be with them without judging their judgment or being intolerant of their intolerance. I actually have become grateful for them in their seedling state, as it presents a challenge for me to ‘work on.’ Working on myself is the only way to grow.

{{Unfortunately many people I have come to know can’t handle criticism, yet it’s somehow okay for them to criticise others. There’s this unwritten expectation that people are expected to just grin and bear it and I just have to put up with whatever crap comes their way – they bottle it up and the seething resentment starts to build up. You think you know someone but suddenly and unexpectedly, things can turn really ugly.}}

That is also what happened to me last week. It is with a family member, a grown adult I have known for 16 years and shared many adventures and experiences with. Deep down, we have mutual familial respect and love. But we depart from each other in our values and ways of looking at life and approaching everyday situations. I know I cannot change him, or even make suggestions, as he does not ask to change. So I can either leave or do the hard work of rising above. Leaving at some point may be the wisest, when we are complete here and I am called to move on. When it is in the flow. Until then, I work on myself and observe progress. I have seen definite progress in me, in specific examples.

{{But what do I know? I’m no psychologist!}}

You are an intelligent, thoughtful, well-grounded person. You have all you need to meet the challenge.

{{I just can’t conceive the possibility of ever reaching a point where I would be able to not feel negative emotions. Maybe that’s just me being a cynical pessimist. I think people are condemned to constantly play this tennis match between feeling good things and feeling bad things towards other people, I just can’t imagine being in a state of perpetual equilibrium between the two…The best I can hope for is to learn to accept the fact that I am stubborn and some people just rub me the wrong way. Personalities clash, there will always be people I don’t like or people who put me on edge, and who will irritate me to the point where my inner calm is disrupted or threatened.}}

That is one way. Another is to accept the challenge of growing into the fullness of your potential where your response to the immature behaviors of others is a smile that comes from within. Being happy for no reason.

Gary