Dear Peverly:

Congratulations for learning so much from your relationship!

When I was your age (young that is), and in my twenties, thirties and forties I learned nothing at all from my relationships except that the word “relationships” was often too long of a word to describe what those things were.

I am supposing you are mentally well enough to be able to learn… and to articulate it so well. Good job, says I!

anita

Great question. I think it’s very important to reflect and understand our relationships. It’s a great way to learn something about yourself and grow your character. I usually have a takeaway from every relationship. I don’t for the last one. It’s been a while, but I still don’t see a lesson here. I walked into it happy living a solo life. It felt incredibly freeing and liberating. I was content being alone and felt like my life would just take this route and i was fine with it. When my last relationship ended, I think it basically reinforced my belief that I am best left alone. I’ve been in some nightmarish relationships. The one before last one ended with me thinking I had developed Parkinson’s because my nervous system was just shot to pieces and i had terrible hand tremors after everything that had gone down. It’s an experience i would never wish upon my worst enemy. So, I don’t know. Perhaps this is it. If it isn’t, it was a lot of wasted time on someone who didn’t need me. It’d still be interesting to see some deeper meaning here, but in general I’ve put this experience and this person behind a long time ago.

* Dear jock: Hilarious jock, funny Llama jock! Snoring doesn’t bother you… Your way or the highway works for your partner- the latter is in the brilliant category, as far as i am concerned. I like the spirit of humility in your post here!
anita

I’m the best kept secret on the internet…….after anita…. 🙂

For me, the following

-remain your own person with your own life
-dont let anyone talk you out of what you want to do
-be friends and enjoy one another
-dont lose your independence for co-dependency.
-like op, dont let him be the source of your happiness and to fulfill your emotional needs
-I am far better than what I used to attract
-that you will attract someone with the same energy frequency as you, so the more emotionally healthy you are, the better person you are and will attract-
-dont let anyone have power over you. trust yourself, them, in time only
-that life will give you opportunities to see yourself through someone else and some people aren’t meant to be long term, but are just there long enough to see parts of yourself that need healing, and once you get the lesson move on
-marriage is serious, date long term
-I need freedom, and only a very confident person can handle my innocent yet very outgoing personality.
-no jealously and no insecurity
-I have to be intellectually stimulated