Well, seeing as you are completely free of judginess and any tendencies to criticise unimportant things, I can see why you’d like to avoid that in any potential partner.

Ba-dum tish. ¬.¬

But OK, this is Tiny Buddha, so hang on a second while I put my –.~*kind*~.– face on and see if I can be of any assistance, as a decidedly “sexually liberated” (scarequotes yours) and loose lady, who at least shares your aversion of game playing.

Chastity girl has given you a very clear signal about what she wants in a relationship, and what she doesn’t want. She does not want to have sex without a wedding ring. It is something she feels so strongly about that she’s advertising it to literally everyone she meets. It’s pretty clear that this style of chastity is not something you would like in your relationships. You consider her boundaries (which she has set clearly and explicitly) “arbitrary” and list “no sex without marriage” in your list of unimportant things some people get annoyingly judgy about. Man, some people, right! (For the record, I am with you on this.)

Seem this is not a match, dude.

If you get in a relationship with this girl, you will either be unhappy and frustrated all the time about her “arbitrary boundaries”, or you will somehow talk/manipulate/convince her into going against her deeply held (and clearly stated! at the outset!) principles. The first scenary is no fun for you, and the second scenario… what kind of a person are you? If you’re not into game-playing, you don’t do that.

Why are you considering getting with this girl? Why are you worried about her attitudes to Harry Potter and whatnot – you are clearly incompatible, simply based on her expressed desire to be chaste. Not a match. Move on.

The other girl? Well, you don’t tell us much about her, but it seems you reject her based on your negative experiences with loose, game-playing girls. Do you really know she’s even like that? And if she is, dude, this is not a two-girl world. It’s not a dating sim where you have to pick one of the available options. If this girl is not what you want either, keep looking. There may be girls in this world who are both open to (loving! bonding! oxytocinised!) sex, and honest/game-free. But don’t write her off too early, it seems you might be pre-judging her a little based on your negative experiences with some other chick. That’s not really fair on her. Give the lady a chance.

Finally, to answer the question in your subject line, I think chastity rings are messed right the hell up. I think it’s deeply wrong that young girls are talked into making decisions about their sexuality before they have a clear idea of what they’re even making decisions about. I believe it is setting them up for self-hatred and a disfuctional sex-life. However, I also believe girls have the right to self-determination. So when it comes to a specific individual, like this particular girl, if she says chastity is what she wants, then our job as strangers/aquaintances is to respect that. We don’t know what brought her to this decision, or how she feels about it. There could be perfectly legitimate reasons to wear a ring like that, for example to keep horny teenage boys out of her hair.

Maybe you can question her a little: “how come you wear that ring?” “How old were you when you made that commitment?” “That’s pretty young, how do you know you won’t change your mind? Is it really fair to future you to make her decisions for her?” And then you listen to her answers, nod politely, and drop it. In my opinion. Well, you asked.

Good luck, give the lady a chance!

No wait one more thing: (Geez, do I ever shut up?) Oxytocin does not do what you’ve been told it does. It’s more complicated than that. There is some serious BS out there about oxytocin, and I encourage you to do a little research and learn more about brain-chemistry. Brain chemistry! Aw, man, what’s sexier than that!

• This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Will.