Throughout my entire childhood, I’ve heard this sentence “there’s nothing you can do about it, so just move on” on many occasions. Whenever I asked people how they were able to deal with a negative experience, they would always give me that answer. At that time, I understood the logic, the logic made sense, but I never could adapt to it. I never could just “move on”. I would dwell on it, I would think about what I could have done, what I should have done, what the other party could have done, whose fault it was. I would think about it for hours, days, years. I wish that I could explain my though process, but I couldn’t, because for some reason, at 24 years of age, I am now able to just “move on”. Something just clicked inside me and I was able to let go. Things happened, and there isn’t really anything that I can do about it now, so why dwell on it?

I’d be lying if I say that I’m enlightened. I’m not, I’m still evolving. Sometimes things pop back up in my head and I would dwell on it, then I have to remind myself to “move on”. Memories are not as painful/embarrassing as they used to be, they happened, and the world keeps turning. I would suggest something that I call “visual meditation”. It is a technique that has worked for me. It’s essentially your usual meditation, combining with a concept called “mind palace” (I learned from watching Sherlock Holmes). You can spend 30 minutes to do this before going to bed, and try to do it everyday so you are able to rewire the way your brain works.

Imagine yourself in complete darkness………. Any bad memories/thoughts that comes up in your head, let it surface, don’t suppress it. This is where you will actually get in touch with those thoughts……… Seeing yourself in 3rd person sitting there in complete darkness, with these memories floating around you, like little screens….By seeing yourself in 3rd person, you are able to disassociate form your emotions and feelings. ……..Now line them up in anyway that you like, and imagine a little file cabinet. ……Any memories that you don’t like thinking about, put them in that little cabinet, and now they’re gone…………. Yes, they will pop up again, and you would again close your eyes, come back to your space of total darkness and that little file cabinet that you imagined before, and put that little file back in there…………. Over time, your space of darkness can now have a table and a chair, and that little file cabinet, ….maybe this time you would have another file cabinet, for something else, let’s say “work related cabinet”. …….You can start to expand your space and build your old “palace”, where you can visually organize your thoughts/feelings……….Remember to relax all your muscles…the muscles on your face, your buttcheeks, stomache…etc..take it slow and relax.

For me, imagining myself in 3rd person was essential in the beginning since it helps me disassociate. By doing this, I was able to think clearer, I wasn’t in a constant emotional roller coaster like before. My brain actually feels more organized and I was able to live in the present and not the past or the future. I now can do it with my eyes opened and to be honest, I haven’t been doing it as often as I should have since I felt “cured”, but I’m getting back into it now.

Just something that i would like to share, maybe you have your own technique that I would love to learn.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Leocube.

@heyitsjess I think moving on applies to any situation where a person finds themselves dwelling on the past, whether the negative experience was their fault or not. At the end of the day, everyone wants to be happy and at peace. You may have made a big mistake in the past, and you may have ruined someone’s be life, but looking at the bigger picture, what you did had no impact on how the universe operates. People can be shitty to each other, people can be kind, at the end of the day, nothing matters. Your loved ones will die, you will die, you will be forgotten, the Earth is only an atom in space…it just doesn’t matter. Some people operate on taking advantages of others, some are selfless, both will die in the end.

Of course, it’s normal to feel bad, especially if you’ve made a mistake, but if you truly feel remorseful and had done everything in your power to make it right, then it’s time to move on. Or should we sacrifice our own happiness to correct the wrong that we did?

As for the subject of meditation, I think your method can help a person get a deeper understanding of his own self, whereas mine is to simply organize or compartmentalize. I will try what you have shared since I will be interested in what I will find about myself .

First and Foremost, I find it incredibly cool that this is the first topic I came across as a member here! This exact problem has hindered my progress on the path until recently. My  childhood trauma, and the false identity I assumed as a result, have impeded all my attempts to be at peace with what is. I think that through accepting my past, and forgiving my parents for the mistakes they made was my first step towards reconciling my past, so I could realize that the past isn’t me. The future isn’t me, I am me right now. Great topic!