Hi Nicole

Really sorry to hear what you are going through. You have been treated badly by someone who has taken advantage of you and your trusting, caring nature. What do you do now? Right now, all I would suggest is that you do something for yourself, no-one else. Of course you can’t concentrate, your mind will be a whirlwind of thoughts. Just do something that you enjoy, and it will help to bring your thoughts back into some kind of order. But give yourself time – it is still very raw right now. You will be wishing that things had turned out differently – that’s only human. It’ll take a bit of time and distance to see it more clearly for what it is.

You deserve to be treated with respect, and your ex-boyfriend didn’t do that. That is something which would only have got worse and hurt more. The thing to focus on is that, despite what he might have been trying to load on you, none of this is your fault. He treated you badly, not the other way around. It’s time to allow your own feelings to come out, instead of him dictating them. Like Anita says, the cell door is open – step outside and be you.

You will feel cynical about love right now, of course you will. But in time you will be able to use this experience to spot the warning signs, to spot when you are being treated badly. And that experience will mean that next time around, you will love and be loved in the way that you deserve.

You will get plenty of support and help from people on this site who understand exactly what you are going through right now. It may not feel like it now, but give yourself some space and time, and you will come through this stronger and happier than ever before.

Dear Nicole:

you are welcome. you wrote that “being the type of person I am, I rather take the blame.” And your last sentence above is: “Time will only tell…” My comment is that what time will tell, most likely, you being the “type of person” that takes the blame is that with time, in the future you will continue to take the blame.

If taking the blame brought you misery so far, it will probably bring you more misery in the future. So time AND current, ongoing patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving, these in combination will tell…

If you want to examine the roots of you taking the blame for what you are not responsible for, when it started and in what circumstances, feel free to share about that (goal is to weaken that inclination, pattern).

anita

Dear Nicole:

There are parts of you, Nicole,that shouldn’t be compromised! These parts should be honored and celebrated, not hidden and dismissed as wrong.

Please do post again when you are ready and willing!

anita