Home→Forums→Relationships→What Can I do when I've trust issue with her?
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anjum niklo.
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April 13, 2017 at 10:22 am #144905
AnonymousGuestDear Sakib Hasan:
In your first paragraph, you wrote: “I didn’t find any troubling behavior from her except her addiction to the social media”-
Well, now you did find troubling behavior from her, other than her addiction to social media:
– she makes promises and doesn’t keep them.
– she makes promises she doesn’t intend to keep. How do I know that? Because after breaking her promise, she told you that she “just talked a little bit with him, it’s not a crime!”- meaning she didn’t intend to keep her promise to begin with.
– she is aware that she hurt your feelings, and she continues to do so.
Now that you know, what do you believe is the right thing for you to do?
anita
April 13, 2017 at 11:57 am #144929
anjum nikloParticipantHi sakib
I had a compulsion to reply to your problem.
Because I went through similar situation except I was at your girlfriend’s place.
My boyfriend is very loving and a one woman man . He doesn’t like social media and doesn’t have many female friends. The old classmates etc are there but they are not in any special touch . They only exchange wishes when they meet .
And he hardly like post ,pics on social media and comments except mine. He has been always like this from start.
But I’m on other hand is very out going having lots of male friends as well as female . Constantly on social media. Sometime chat with people when I know their intention that they like me and wants me as there mate . But of course I don’t reciprocate to their feelings and have not cheated him and I have no intention of doing so because I really love my boyfriend.
I’m like this because it’s my nature . I have a world apart from him. It’s my indivaulity .I’ve been always like this before I met him and no matter how much try I can’t change drastically for him or anyone. But with him it’s different I love him and I don’t love anyone else .
See if she is not happy with you and wants to leave you for any guy she will leave in any case. You can’t stop her by telling her not to chat with guys . She will find a way to go out from your life. But if she wants to be with you trust me no matter how loose you let her she will never go anywhere .
I can give you few reasons why Im like the way I’m
1.ive been very social, extrovert ,outgoing and got lots of attention since teenager .so May be I’m use to it . But this doesn’t make me a cheater or something else
2. I missed this connection of chatting and sending meme ,troll , tagging on social media with my boyfriend . I told you already he doesnt use social media much. And this is such a time where social media is very much part of your life . when i do it with all my friend I feel like doing it with him also but he isn’t available so I just brush aside my feelings and do it with others .
May be if she was present in on social media like I’m I would have been busy with him and would be left no time to chat with any other.
3. She can be bit insecure And this is the case with me too . Though I know he loves me a lot but insecurity can stem from very subtle issue and can be very deep. Like she might be insecure you guys won’t be together after few years etc or like anything can happen to relationship. So its her defence mechanisms to prove that she is not alone and she won’t be vulnerable.
End I would like to tell you …if you really love her . Just let her know what bothers you and don’t give her ultimatum or think of breaking up etc because it will be like forcing her to stay with you . She she really loves you she will never go anywhee and do anything Beyond her limits.
I know this because I would never do
April 14, 2017 at 2:56 pm #145125
MiaParticipantI also felt inclined to imply to this as a few weeks ago I ended a relationship with a man who I didn’t feel respected or loved by as a result of his behaviour, which in some ways is similar to what you describe of your girlfriend. I can say that although things aren’t all rosy now I certainly feel much more empowered in my life for making the decision to love and respect my own needs by choosing to leave. Similarly, I felt dead on the inside after months of staying with him as my self-esteem continued to plummet.
I tried to be loving, supportive, fun, exciting and all the rest while telling him calmly what bothered me. I knew that I couldn’t change his actions but hoped that he might. It just becomes exhausting after a while and giving up on that relationship has relieved me from so much daily anxiety and heartache.
I believe it’s important not to let insecurity get the better of us by creating problems that aren’t there, but I also feel like it’s important to value your own intuition as clearly there is a reason why you can’t trust her- perhaps that she keeps making you promises that she continues to break.
I know its agonising and as cliqued as it sounds nothing lasts, you will be happy and free again no matter how dark things feel at the moment. Sending you lots of strength and good vibes <3
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