Hi Anita,

Thank you very much for your prompt reply and providing your opinion! I am so glad to cross paths with you again on this thread. Thank you for reading.

I appreciate your advice not to socialize with friend 4. I suppose I should ask, how do you think this can be achieved? Should I speak to the friendly directly and state my own intentions? Should I speak to other friends and try to collaboratively exclude friend 4? Should I create a new groupchat without the friend?

I do wonder how to physically go about this!

We are slated to get together in a very large group on Halloween, so I think that may be the last chance I give her.

Thanks again for providing your thoughts!

Dear friends Anita and Roberta,

How liberating it feels to get these thoughts off my chest! Thank you both for reading my situation and providing your perspectives.

Anita; I have been mulling over what you said about groups of folks being a mini-society. It has helped me realize how permissive I tend to be, which may extend towards unhealthy practices such as staying silent when injustice such as racism or bullying occurs. I hope to change this in myself by becoming the type of compassionate man that empowers and stands up for others. I’ve heard Buddhists philosophize that such situations are great opportunities to learn so I will try! Imagining my role in this little government makes me consider my own leadership stance and how I want to be as a friend and as a person. Thank you for the unique idea, it has helped and continues to open new doors in my mind’s hall!

Roberta, I am surprised and intrigued by your idea to volunteer together. I’ve never volunteered as a group before as it seems like a very vulnerable thing for myself to do. I believe it really is a great risk-free way to gauge who is interested in helping the greater good, in general. I know one of my friends from the group has mentioned it before, and we both expressed an interest to do so together but haven’t had a chance. It is such a different approach than getting together with the goal of just having fun, as we have been doing. The idea of doing this makes me feel uplifted, mature, and grateful. I will mention it to my friend who expressed an interest and see where it goes!

It also occurred to me that, just as all things change from moment to moment, people may change from moment to moment. This includes responding to different environments, days, and feelings. I will keep in mind that each incident listed above is caused by different moments and memories in my friend 4’s life, while at the same time opening myself to the idea that she can change.

Thanks again everyone for the wonderful ideas.