Oh man! This question feels so complicated and multidimensional that the internet is not providing me with a good answer.

Context: now that I am more confident in myself, I’m reaching out and hanging out with people. This includes a friendgroup which I had amassed from my old high school buddies; most of us had not interacted for 5 years! My friends 1, 2, and 3 have been generally fantastic, but friend 4 is quickly becoming a topic of concern for me personally.

We have hung out twice and mostly organize via groupchat.

I will attempt to be impartial and simply state her actions.

For reference, we are all 23 years old.

1. Materialistic goals. When asked about her romantic relationship, friend 4 has expressed that she wants to marry ONLY a doctor, of a specific appearance and cultural background that she has stated she fetishizes, purely as a “sugar daddy” for their money. She has stated she wants to be a housewife and live lavishly. I don’t mind this goal if the true spiritual mission is acknowledged (perhaps what she wants is to feel secure, calm, safe, and pampered), but the underlying messages are not stated or discussed. She interrupts the discussion and simply attests she wants the money rather than love and that is all.
2. Inappropriate sexual talk. When in a family restaurant in an upscale town, with multiple children around us, she loudly began describing her sexual preferences, being so specific as to describe body parts, fetishes, and the actions she wanted done to her. Afterwards, 3 of 5 friends loudly joined in. I tried to mitigate this discussion but did not succeed. I felt absolutely anxious and powerless; I felt unable to leave as I was at the end of a booth and could not get out of the table without asking everyone else to move.  It was one of the most humiliating moments of my life to be that close to this conversation, while I imagined the discomfort of the children and parents around us. I later found out one of the other friends also felt shocked by this moment, and we bonded over our shared powerlessness and discontent.
3. Forces other friends to do things. For example, I very much wanted my friends to dress up for Halloween like myself. However, I no longer force people to do things my way. I understand this is selfish, and we are all adults free to make our own choices. I asked the groupchat whether they would. When my shyer friends gently refuted, I said no problem and we will have plenty of fun regardless. However, friend 4 jumps in hours later with allcaps, shaming those who did not want to dress up by calling them “STINKY BUTTS” and saying “WE ARE ALL DRESSING UP AND THAT IS FINAL.” Her language may make this seem like a joke, but the shyer friends (including a friend she often teases) immediately changed their minds due to her text, implying that her text was only a half-joke and included genuine aggression.
4. Disparages others’ choices. She hasn’t hurt me, but she relentlessly picks on the aforementioned other friend, who is of the same cultural background. This other friend asked whether we like a certain love interest for her; a love interest whose career I do not ideologically support. I told her it doesn’t matter what we think; it matters how she herself feels, whether she is excited about a future with him and whether he treats her right. Meanwhile, friend 1 yells that he is ugly and she needs to “BLOCK HIM!”, demanding her phone so she can do it for her. I can feel how powerless and offended my friend gets in these moments. Besides this, friend 1 also is quick to use the words “cancelled” and hold grudges for years on end.
5. Judgements based on shallow ideals. During our first meeting after 5 years, I had politely asked the friendgroup if they were seeing anyone. This quickly became a race to open dating apps (not what I had hoped at all), and the friend demanded that everyone show her their matches for her approval. She then disparaged nearly every single man shown to her: she complained of their ugliness, height, and (after ogling their pants) their genital size. I felt hurt because, as a man, these are things I already feel insecurity about. I was hurt by her shallow judgements and felt undesirable for days after that discussion.
6. Rudeness to staff. During a night out, I experienced her yelling at a bouncer for a $5 entry fee, because the same bar was free years ago. I did not believe the man’s firm, polite statements warranted such an outburst. She then walked away proud of herself, in a nearly silly fashion. When I tried to bring some incredulous laughter to lighten the absurd moment, she did not budge, seeming satisfied with her behavior. Then again, she may have been intoxicated at the time.

I am not including other things we do not agree about, such as religion and substance use, because I can usually be friends with someone regardless of these value differences.

However, at some moments, I do seem to see her vulnerable side when she speaks about her troubled past. She accepted my identity without question. She can also be silly, spontaneous, and a great dancer. Her caring nature reminds me why I befriended her. But these moments feel overshadowed by the behavior written above, and after a moment of tenderness she swiftly switches back to this armored goddess persona who does all of the things mentioned.

In summary, I find this to be impolite behavior. It feels like she hurts the one other friend and makes the group unsafe for me emotionally. I don’t know if this is something I should discuss one-on-one, or unionize and see if we can eschew her from the friendgroup, or continue to bear with the behavior. What do you think?

THANK YOU so much if you made it through reading all this!