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What a crazy little guy i am.

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  • February 3, 2018 at 3:14 pm #190521
    Peter
    Participant

    We all have issues when it comes to creating relationship and sometimes those issue feed off each other and ‘push each others buttons’.

    One of the purposes of relationships is to create a safe environment in which to work out those issues so that each person can grow.  Being mindful, becoming the master of our stories and good communicators helps however sadly this takes time to develop… and usually don’t learn until a painful breakup. Life demands growth and if the relationship has become negative Love will require a relationship to end – the pain creating the space to do the work.

    You want her back but don’t want her back. The probability is that what you want back, and the source of the pain, is the future that you imagined. A  realization that you could not make the imagined future happen. You also probably miss the sex.

    “The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you’ll never have.”― Søren Kierkegaard

    I recommend the book by David Richo – How to Be an Adult in Relationships – as a helpful guide

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Peter.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Peter.
    February 4, 2018 at 5:13 am #190575
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Gabor:

    Maybe  your suffering of the  last six months don’t have  much to do with your former girlfriend. Is your suffering recently similar to that of before you met her?

    I am wondering  why you think you didn’t have  a serious relationship with a woman before her  or  since  her. I also  wonder how your life is otherwise, living with your parents or  alone, plans for the future…

    anita

    February 4, 2018 at 6:41 am #190591
    Gábor
    Participant

    Dear Anita.

     

    It is safe to say that im lost. And i know that the suffering is not really linked to this girl – not in 100% at least. Im sadly living with my parents, moving out this year, i ve been planning this for 2-3 years, but money never really allowed it. We are a small family, im the only child, we dont really have cousins, grandparents, etc.etc. They are both supportive and we are OK, but they are choking me. Its not that they dont want me to leave, they are really open about it, but you know. I got plans for the future, currently writing my thesis (about the quarterlife crisis, lol) and finishing this June to get my degree. I also want to get my bartender paper, and i have a childhood friend who is waiting for me to have a rent together in Budapest. I was a late bloomer, and when i was younger girls were not really interested in me, because i was way too shy. Now its really changed, i am self-confident, i can get really well with girls, its just i am too picky in long-term relationships, which i dont think is a problem.

    I need to get out of this rough patch somehow, and i feel that im changing. All these erratic mood swings day by day, spending a lot of time alone – although i have a really healthy social life, some good friend, lot of people i know, im an extrovert guy – and maybe the problem is that im thinking too much. About my past, about my future, and spending less and less time in the moment.

    Feels like i dont even know myself at all.

    February 4, 2018 at 6:45 am #190593
    Gábor
    Participant

    Oh, and im going to have a date this Friday with a really cute girl. God knows why i invited her, i am not even interested in her, lol. Being lost, as i said.

    February 4, 2018 at 7:06 am #190597
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Gabor:

    You wrote that your parents are choking you. It may be helpful to me to understand it better, the nature of that choking..?

    anita

    February 4, 2018 at 7:16 am #190605
    Gábor
    Participant

    Well, particulary my mother, and i can understand that, im their only child. My father and i are really open minded, we have adult conversations, but my mother still has some difficulties to understand that i have grown up. And yeah, thats why i have to get away.

    February 4, 2018 at 7:44 am #190611
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Gabor:

    What behaviors does your mother  exhibit toward you that fail to  acknowledge  that you have grow up?

    anita

    February 4, 2018 at 9:01 am #190627
    Gábor
    Participant

    Dear Anita!

    Well, nothing extraordinary, she is just someone who is a bit introvert, shes not that social person, likes to be on her on. Its just the feeling i have when shes around, i can sense her attitude towards me. She never really asks about things, treats me with a behaviour like yo, take your scarf on cuz its cold, dont do this dont do that. She is this with my father as well, really hard to explain.

    February 4, 2018 at 9:30 am #190631
    Gábor
    Participant

    And the worst part is that i know the solution. To all these things. I know that she was not the right person for me, and i know that i have a future, and i know that im going to find someone, and i know i know i know. But yet, maybe because im impatient, i feel like im in a prison. Im thinking that maybe these things are not even the things i need. I also quit my job which i hated, and all the constant mood swings are bothering me. Im in an unexplainable blissful state and then im depressed again and this changes like 4 times a day. Then she crosses my mind, and im always thinking about our time being together. I really wanted her to close our relationship with a nice talk – which we couldnt ever manifest. She is giving a fck about me like our time spent together was for nothing. Im not questioning my self-worth because i have a lot of people who are supporting me – including my parents, friends, gurus online, im here for myself as wel and I KNOW the solutions. Its just, i cant take action. All i can think about is calling or visiting her to finally close things how they are. But that wouldnt matter, and i wont ashame myself in front of her ever again. Because she just threw me under the carpet, even if im a short-tempered man and can say bad things to the people i love. Feels like she never even loved me at all, and all the things she said was for nothing.

    February 4, 2018 at 10:06 am #190633
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Gabor:

    When your mother doesn’t ask you about things, doesn’t have a conversation with you, that is not because she fails to understand that you grew up. When you were a child you needed her to ask you things, to notice you, to interact with you in a meaningful way. Not just now.

    You wrote about your ex girlfriend: “Feels like she never even loved me at all, and all the things she said was for nothing”. We know we are loved when the person claiming to love us, or is … supposed to love us, is actually attending to us, wanting to know how we feel, how we experience life. So that we are not alone.

    The mood swings you describe, I remember my mood swings, basically I went from a hellish experience of life to heavenly breaks from that experience. I think the brain, when tormented, has to take times out and during those breaks, there is a feeling of euphoria of sorts.

    I don’t know if you experience your life as hellish, but it is definitely a time of suffering for you, as I understand it. I suppose you long for a woman’s love, and not having it from your mother, or from your ex girlfriend, well… you long for it. For  love and for freedom from living at home.

    “what a crazy little guy i am”- is the title of your thread. I don’t read you as crazy.

    anita

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