Dear Annie12:

I would say you don’t have to “feel happy for them”, not a good idea to try and feel what we don’t feel. You don’t even have to attend the wedding.

The dynamic between your brother and his/ your parents has a long history and was established long ago, it is a two way street dynamic, the two parties participating in it.

You don’t have to participate in their dynamic. You can choose your behavior, do what you believe is right.

Would you like to talk about the dynamic between your parents and brother? Or something else?

anita

Dear Annie12:

You are welcome. I understand you not wanting to be “pulled into” anything or to be “made to compromise something important” and agree that you shouldn’t. I think you should not take your kids out of school and fly your “whole family in for an expensive three-days event”, and instead stay where you are and celebrate your birthday.

It is your brother who chose to marry his first wife, to divorce her, to deplete his parents’ retirement money to divorce her, to marry another and in an expensive location. It is your parents’ choices to give him their retirement money, to abandon the plans for your birthday celebration, and so on.

Now what do you choose? You don’t have to accommodate their choices. You don’t have to do what your parents do, to “put everything aside”, your planned birthday celebration, your kids being in school, your money being spent on airfare and a stay in an expensive location, all to accommodate your brother’s and parents’ choices.

I hope you choose what is right for you and for your family of choice, partner, children.

anita

You are welcome, Annie12. Post again anytime and I will reply.

anita