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Was it really love?

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  • #155736
    coconut
    Participant

    Hi Rox. I started to move on when I realized that we will not be together again and that there is no hope. I begged him too.. but the reality is that I wasn’t truly happy in that relationship anymore and we kind of wanted different things. I read a lot of articles, I talked with people who care about me and it got easier.. day by day. I thought I’ll never get over it or stop having panic attacks/anxiety about what happened but it stopped. I didn’t get over it 100%, it’s been only 3 weeks from the breakup but I’m much better and pretty much over it. I talked to him about how I felt and asked him if it’s really over forever and his answers helped me because his answers hurt me/made me realize it’s time to move on.

    #155744
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rox:

    I hope you feel better soon and that you will do good work with the counselor you are seeing.

    You wrote in your last post on the thread: “Where did that love go? (It) is not fair”-

    But Rox, he showed you nothing but love, according to your account, and it is you that hurt him. It is not fair to hurt a person who shows you nothing but love.

    In your original post you wrote: “He told me that I had hurt him too much and that the last fight was one to many arguments between us and that he had been patient but he didn’t want to do that anymore.”- he said that you “hurt him too much”.

    When he told you: “I have decided to move on. wish you the best”- he was taking care of himself, as he should. It is his first and most important job to take care of himself, to protect himself from harm. It is not his job to continue to love a person who is hurting him.

    I understand that you hurt him because you were hurt yourself (before you ever met him), that you felt distressed, felt angry and turned against him… this is why people hurt others, they feel distressed and then, they proceed to release that distress by hurting another.

    In your next relationship, when you feel distress, take time out before you proceed. Don’t automatically react to your distress by starting an argument, a fight, saying something hurtful, for the purpose of relieving your anger.

    I hope you do good work in counseling, getting insightregarding the distress that destroyed this has-been-a-potential long-term loving relationship.

    anita

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