Hi Anita. Thanks for thinking of me. I am well thank you. I have been connecting with my son through playing on his XBox with him which has led to conversations away from the XBox. Sometimes he chats about the here and now and sometimes about the past and how he’s felt in certain situations or places. I let him do the talking and I listen and don’t ask questions but say something like, ‘so it sounds like that was hard for you to hear that…’ etc.

On the friendship front I became aware that he wanted more than friendship and despite my actually telling him I’m definitely not interested in a relationship, and taking a step back, he continues to pursue more than friendship which is beginning to feel uncomfortable.

Thanks again for thinking of me.

Thank you, it has taken alot of work on my part with regards to my son, in how I was addressing the situation. Less questioning has led to more understanding.

Yes, my being definate happened around mid February. Having reached a point of familiarisation of one another e.g. short life history etc.. I began to notice that when in conversation he shuts the conversation down if the subject matter isn’t of interest to him.. which frequently means him saying.. ‘right that’s enough of that subject, let’s talk about something else’.. yet when talking about subject matter of his own, conversation flows until he’s exhausted it. So I feel like I’ve not got anything useful to talk about.. some closed down subjects such as when talking about children (he doesn’t have children) the shut down response was ‘well that’s enough about that they’re mostly all brats anyway’.. and when talking about mental health/therapy (he asked how my boys were).. ‘well Psychology, counselling and all that, it’s all a bunch of codswallop, they don’t know what they’re talking about. Your son is just going through a phase like all teenagers’.. These are the two that have stuck in my mind.

And then things like.. I was talking about something daft I’d done during the week and he said ‘that was a bit silly, it’s just as well I like you’. I respond that yes it was a clumsy thing to do, and he looked at me and said ‘no, your supposed to say, well I like you too’, to which I didn’t respond and he said in a mock hurt way ‘she doesn’t like me’.

A text message asking how my day had been to which I responded it had been nice and I’d been doing some gardening, and I asked how his day was.. his reply was ‘its nice to be wanted!’, to which I could see no relation to the response I’d sent, so I sent back ‘?’ then he replied, ‘you run a taxi service’.. I wasn’t sure where this was going so I asked ‘I run a taxi service?’, and he said ‘you run mums taxi’. He then messaged with ‘same shit different day’ and asked my plans over the weekend which I relayed back, and asked what he was going to do over the weekend. His response was ‘tart the house up a bit, tank modelling, TV, and elevating feet.. open to suggestions after that?’.

It feels like he’s trying to pressure me to invite him to meet up, he’s not once asked if I’d like to go for a walk/cuppa etc despite my saying way back, ‘you can ask me if I’m free and if I’d like to go for a walk/cuppa, I won’t always say yes but that doesn’t mean you can’t ask’. He instead bombards me with texts throughout the week and beats about the bush waiting to be invited/asked out for a walk etc.

It’s uncomfortable I think because with all my other friends some text once a month/every few months and we arrange to meet up for a long walk etc, some text once a week just to check in/catch up, and some I speak to over the phone or facetime once every few months. So I find this guy overwhelming and not particularly on my wavelength hence my stepping back.

I know I probably sound quite cruel in stepping away, but I don’t really feel particularly free to talk or heard within this friendship. I appreciate he may be feeling lonely living alone, with no family nearby, but I don’t wish to be the security blanket so to speak. Again sorry if that sounds harsh.. we really don’t know someone until you take the time to get to know them and although they may play a part in your life, sometimes they’re not always meant to stay in it?

Many thanks for listening Anita, much appreciated.

I’ve slowly stepped away from him by reducing the amount of contact I have with him. I saw him when I was out walking a couple of times this week and I stopped briefly to chat. He texted a couple of times this week and I’ve responded, but I’ve not initiated contact. I appreciate it may hurt his feelings by my gradually stepping away, but I’ve tried to be a friend and to made it clear to him I am just a friend, and he has chosen not to hear me and his behaviour signals that he is wanting more than friendship and more attention and time than I feel comfortable in offering. However, I need to do what’s best for me and and my boys and I need friendships that are nurturing and supportive and not draining, pressurising or demanding.

I always find it difficult to walk away from what does not serve me best in life, but at the same time I know when it is the right thing for me to do.

Thanks again for listening 🙂