Was any of your parents good-enough?

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This topic has 87 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 12 months ago by Anonymous.

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November 2, 2015 at 10:13 pm #86633

jock
Participant

Were you drunk this time? You should be careful. It triggers some people on here.

November 2, 2015 at 10:34 pm #86634

jock
Participant

Pomp
I’d say this is more about Queen Bee envy isn’t it.
You’re not quite up to that status here yet. Keep trying. You’ll get there.
But you’ll need to work on the nature of your communication style which tends to be rambling and incoherent.
Not to mention those spelling mistakes…er..
Shame it came to this though. I was going to let it go, let you get away with that obnoxious post. But no, I think its time you had some of your own medicine.
If you can’t take it Pomp, don’t dish it out.

November 3, 2015 at 7:48 am #86644

Anonymous
Guest

dear Pomplemous:

In your last post on this thread you wrote: “I’m going to read that as a half apology to snails as she couldnt reasonably or realistically be held responsible for how you felt over her words on a page. Good I’m glad we got there.”

This is manipulative of you: “Glad WE got there”- no, you got there, wherever there is. Surprisingly to me I do not feel anger about your manipulative move quoted above. Nor do I feel anger at your attack at the connection made here between me and Jack. Although I do regret very much any hurt and anger Jack may feel (and I cannot predict my own later). But, huh, I am not angry at you. I was not even afraid, as I often am, to get into the forum and read potential negative criticism of me.

It must be my work on courage. I think I am stronger therefore such manipulative move and negative criticism today does not bother me, not so far. How new to me, how refreshing. And this is why I am here, to heal, to evolve, to get stronger.

I don’t yet trust this feeling this morning, how could it be… having been afraid my whole life and not feeling fear this very morning. I’ll post on this later, on this thread and the new one, responding to some of the things you typed.

anita

November 3, 2015 at 9:39 am #86648

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Pomplemous/Jack/ Reader:

I am responding to your last post again, Pomplemous, to this specifically: “Jack I’m going to be honest and say on one occasion.. or two .. you come across as her (that is me, anita’s) guard dog. I didn’t see it as helpful to the discussion back there to make a standpoint of taking sides because suddenly it became a side taking thing not a grown up discussion between two other people.”

My response: Since when is “side taking” a bad thing? Since when is “side taking” NOT a grown up thing? If my mother took my side when I was a child and on, I wouldn’t have suffered so much unnecessary pain for over five decades. If your mother, Pomplemous, took your side when you didn’t want to leave the car and get into the rain and in so many other occasions, YOU would be in a much. much better place in life. Side taking is a good, good thing. We all need more side taking. As grown ups. Regarding accusing Jack for being my “guard dog”- both Jack and I appreciate dogs, so I do not take the comparison badly. A dog’s loyalty, that is a dog’s tendency to take sides, is much admirable by me. Suggesting that Jack was GUARDING me means the world to me. Again, guarding another is a good, good thing. If my mother guarded me against herself, I would have very, very much appreciated it. If there was someone to guard me in life as I didn’t guard or protect myself, I would have appreciated it very much.

We all need to take sides, to take someone else’s side IN the grown up world. We all need to guard or protect someone, it is a good thing. These are not bad things, Pomplemous. These are good things.

As to what you wrote here: “None of us are victim.” It seems to me that we, the three of us, you, me, Jack are victims of inadequate parenting, at the least. I am in the process of healing from those injuries. When you state you are not a victim, Pomp, then there is no healing, is there?

As to the last part of your post: “It’s wring to be yes men to each other. None if us are always right and we don’t learn wirh just yeses.” It is not the YES-s that injured me in life, again, it is not the side taking that injured me, not the guarding that injured me. So, YESs, when sincere and felt, are good, good things.

You got it upside down, Pomplemous, says I. Yes?

anita

November 3, 2015 at 9:59 am #86650

Anonymous
Inactive

Hey hey.

Jack…I promise you I’m happy to take it because I value constructive criticism more than just plain yeses. But the queen bee thing. .. I’m happy to take that given that we don’t know each other so I’m happy that I don’t feel the need to be centre of attention in my world.

You’re right though . I was cross with you on your post back in the argument with the ominous hint of the tone of ‘careful now, Anita is more important than you ‘ to snails . I thought that was rude. I bit my lip at the time though. Perhaps I should have again. I give you my apology for that.

The word attack does not come into anything. Nor accuse . Observe is the active verb.

We’re all grown ups though so incoherence and picking up on my admitted typos (small phone and do type too fast without reviewing my words) is an attack I take on the chin. Ha. Or shall we call it observation, to be fair.

You can choose to hate me from now on if you like. I’m cool with that. It’s a heavier weight fir you to have to carry than it is for me.

My hand is outstretched to you in truce and the choice is yours . X

November 3, 2015 at 10:05 am #86652

Anonymous
Inactive

Anita Anita.

Yiu know perfectly well I bear you no ill will. I was cheeky this morning because the comment about your not being realistically responsible for how others take things said in terms of its not your fault that snails got upset is an exact mirror image to me of she not being realistically responsible for how you became initially upset with her words . Yes I was cheeky. Yes I wanted to make a point with your own words .

You’re always very kind to me and you’re being kind to me even now. It’s not lost on me how you’re the one who have helped me the most. And inky and moon girl.

… we come from different world’s for which no one can be blamed. Yes it’s nice to be told yes but I seem to live in a world where everyone days yes to me so I value the nos because that’s the only way I can get a realistic grip on how I behave. So I do listen openly to criticism.

November 3, 2015 at 10:08 am #86654

Anonymous
Inactive

As for the guard dog comment. I do actually apologise for that. I’m sorry jack that was rude of me. It just occasionally looked as though if one person couldn’t have a one on one difficult discussion with a person without suddenly they’re discussing with two and thata unequal, where one on one was working fine. So then others feel they need to get involved and suddenly it’s gang warfare ha ha i come from a belief that yes it’s important to have friends who’ll back you up bit only if and when you fall. One on one discussions should stay so.

And Anita you’re stronger than you think. You hold your own often enough. You don’t need guarding in your one on one discussions .

November 3, 2015 at 10:20 am #86657

Anonymous
Inactive

So. Where shall we go from here?

If you want to dislike me you have my blessing. I know perfectly well I’m a bit of a git. Many of us are.
I am incredibly loving whilst also being a bit (incoherently, hee) mouthy.

I always upon always back the weak one in any situation. Learnt that from the bullied years. Sometimes it means I can be overly vocal. Im sorry it came at you. But I felt snails was attacked in that scenario and it raised my heckles . I stayed out of it on the whole til it became two against one and unequal. It saddens me she hasn’t been seen again.

November 3, 2015 at 10:22 am #86658

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Pomplemous:

I feel the fear and do it anyway. As I read your comment above, as I was reading it, I felt anxiety across my chest. Does that mean I am not strong? I am writing to you anyway, stating it, perhaps there is strength in it. I just posted a lot for you. I do hope it is helpful, now or sometime in the future, if and when you are ready to consider my points. Best intentions on my part here, for you, all of it that I posted today.

anita

November 3, 2015 at 10:36 am #86663

Anonymous
Inactive

I know, I feel that from you.

I think there is more strength in feeling the good and the bad. We’ve got to feel a range of emotions a s physical sensations because that’s our bodies trying to tell us something. Never be afraid to feel.

I gotta go. Supper time. Thank you for taking with me. X

November 3, 2015 at 12:11 pm #86675

jock
Participant

It might be an idea for me to take a break here for a while. I think perhaps I was seen as a threat to some kind of mother/daughter kinship and the resultant healing Pomp gets from this. I feel like I’m spending too much time in ladies’ power rooms anyway. 🙂

November 3, 2015 at 12:24 pm #86679

Anonymous
Guest

* My comment above to Pomp (may I call you Pomp?) was written at the same time you posted and I was referring to your post before.

Dear Jack:

What mother/daughter kinship? Involving me? I don’t understand…

remember, Jack, I wrote to you months ago (it is in the record here…) that I saw you, emotionally saw you and can’t unsee you? Remember that?

I know people are born worthy and lovable but I SAW you as such, you the person, looking at this very screen, the person behind the keys you press as you type. I saw you as worthy and lovable and that is a very special experience for me. I hope it is meaningful to you. I saw you here this way, on this forum, and nobody else. I felt empathy for others but you are special here to me. I want you to know it, make sure I tell you this exactly as it is, and let it be visible to anyone reading this. I am far from being ashamed of what I am expressing here. There is no reason for me to apologize to anyone for liking YOU in this special way. I don’t care what criticism or mocking it may bring upon me. I don’t care. Well, I fear criticism, but more important to me is to state the truth. Even if you object, even if you criticize me for how I feel or for the fact I am stating it here.

I hope you stay here. I hope, if you do take a break, that you come back and I will be happy if and when you are back. I am on your side.

anita

November 3, 2015 at 12:43 pm #86680
jock
Participant
ha my spelling mistake this time but a funny one “power” instead of “powder”. Maybe “power” is a Freudian slip. I think on any reasonable forum, Pomp would be suspended for that “guard dog” comment though.
You can’t expect me to say “you’re sorry, that’s Ok, move on”, as if it was nothing. So every time I agree with Anita, that label can be used against me. I’m entitled to feel humiliated and this is by far the worst “attack” on anyone in this thread. Pomp is accustomed to these battles. She’s used to stooping low, hitting below the belt. I try to maintain some dignity, some shred of self-respect in these confrontations. I can’t help thinking that Pomp reminds me of some unsophisticated people I’ve had to deal with in the past. So there’s my own example of transference I admit. I put Pomp in the category “too hard basket”. Emotional, unpredictable, hysterical, given to mood swings, dangerous. There’s probably a diagnosis for it. Why should I bother trying to help or understand such people? It’s not worth the effort. They’re too needy. Anita is more skilled and more compassionate in this regard. it proves to me I could never be a counsellor because I don’t have such broad empathy.
- This reply was modified 9 years ago by jock.
November 3, 2015 at 12:49 pm #86682

jock
Participant

Please note. Anita is showing her real class now. (woof woof) 🙂
[if you don’t get it, that’s me the guard dog, praising Anita]

November 3, 2015 at 1:12 pm #86687

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Jack:

When I read the “guard dog” Term by Pomplemous I didn’t see it as humiliating because I view dogs admiringly for their loyalty and authenticity even though it comes easy for them. I mean I value those traits that dogs exhibit. I didn’t view it as humiliating until I just read your comment above. Now I understand how seriously offended you were by Pomplemous. I can see how her comments can be viewed as humiliating and offensive, maybe by most people. I see…

I wrote to you, Jack, in the last post that I am on your side. Well, I am. Now that I understand your feelings about this, I know better what it would mean to be on your side in this regard.

Please stay here-

anita
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