Home→Forums→Relationships→WANTED: YOUR ADVICE FOR A GIRL I LOVE
- This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 4 months ago by
Issel.
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August 20, 2015 at 10:51 am #82108
IsselParticipantI met this girl about a year and half ago. At first we were just friends and then transitioned into something much deeper, lovers. On a side note, when I first met her I had mentioned I would always marry someone from my own religion. Her being a different religion from me. As time progressed we grew closer and closer, forming a bond that was so deep and special. We acted like a married couple and did everything together, but never had a relationship title. A few weeks ago I left on vacation for a month and while I was away we maintained contact talking everyday and expressing our love for each other and how much we miss one another. During my time away she had informed me that she met someone and would go on a date with him if he asked her to hang out. Hearing this from a girl I loved deeply broke my heart. Over the course of the remainder of my vacation she began to be cold and not express herself like the way she did. I eventually returned and told her in person that I realized I want to spend the rest of my life with her and had learnt being away that I shouldn’t let religion get in the paths of what we have. She told me that it’s unfair for me to tell her this now because she gave me a year and half to do that and I did not. She feels that because someone new came in the picture that i only want to get serious with her. She continued to say that she does not know what she wants at this time and is slowly distancing herself away from me.
It is hard to comprehend how someone you felt so close to could do such a thing. She claims she still loves me and cares about me a lot but her actions do not reflect on that. She still talks to me but only when i make an effort to get in touch with her. The idea of her seeing another person rips me apart from the inside and I am having such a hard time dealing with it. I been unable to carry on with my life and this matter is affecting me in my daily life. I think about it her all the time it is almost like she is stuck in my head. Some advice would really help?
August 20, 2015 at 2:02 pm #82119
Carlos TorresParticipantHey Rkallas, In my life I know a few things about “Space” and “value”. I get you love this girl and your feelings. But right now she is asking for distance and space. My advice to you is to not give up but at the same time “Let her come to you”. Let her initiate the contact with you first. Then go from there. She knows your feelings but you have to stay busy, do your thing and not always be available. She needs to miss you. There is a saying that is 100 percent right. Give her the gift of missing you. That doesn’t mean ignore her on purpose. It just means live your life and don’t always be so available. She will begin to miss you and chase after you. But respect the space and distance.
August 20, 2015 at 7:19 pm #82126
AnnieParticipantHi Rkallas,
I understand how difficult it must be for you to struggle with your feelings about a loved one. Maybe she shared your feelings at one point, but now she is interested in someone else. You told her that you wanted to spend your life with her, but if she wants to believe that this is just because you are afraid of losing her or because of a new guy in the picture then that’s HER problem. You said, “We acted like a married couple and did everything together, but never had a relationship title.” Maybe it wasn’t official, so she thought it was okay and may have been dating other people all along?
Just be kind with yourself and time will make the feels less painful. Stay busy and do what you enjoy. Gook luck.
August 21, 2015 at 7:25 am #82140
JodiParticipantAt this point she has asked for space, honor her and her request and give her just that. Allow her to figure out what it is she really wants. Will she decide to come back? No one can really know that, but she has to figure out her own feelings for herself. Take care of you and work on your own self during this time. Best of luck!
~Jodi
August 21, 2015 at 1:25 pm #82148
AnonymousGuestDear Rkallas:
Are you close with your parents? Do they support you marrying a woman of same religion and do not support you marrying a woman of a different religion? Do they know about this woman in your life that you have been dating for a year and a half?
If you are now willing to marry this woman of a different religion, the way to show her that you are serious is to introduce her to your parents and show her that they are willing to have her as your wife in every way. Or, you can show her that you will live with her, fully committed to her, without your parents’ support and that you are willing to distance yourself from any and every family member who disapproves of the marriage.
Your heart just got broken. maybe her heart was broken many times in these year and a half as she knew you wouldn’t marry her. It makes sense to assume you have a desire to marry her only so to keep her from the other guy and once he is out of the picture, you will not follow through with marrying her.
WIll you answer my questions above?
anitaAugust 22, 2015 at 12:50 pm #82178
SamdlbParticipantHi Rkallas,
I understand how crappy you are feeling at the moment and regardless of what anyone tells you no doubt you’re still thinking: “but I can’t give up on her”, and for all of the need to give her space, you are perfectly entitled and justified in believing that you can not give up her.
My advice would be to be honest.
Firstly you need to explain exactly how you feel about her and for how long. You will also need to give an honest answer as to why you withheld your feelings for so long. If the thought of her being with someone else finally made you speak out, you need to openly tell her that; but reassure her that your feelings were there beforehand.
Importantly though after being honest, you can not force it. You must let it take its natural course and if it was meant to be, then it was meant to be. If nothing comes to fruition, then it simply means that waiting for so long to confess your feelings was a good thing – that something more perfect will come along in the future, an opportunity that would not have arisen if you had done things differently.
August 27, 2015 at 9:09 am #82491IsselParticipantJodi thanks for your feedback. I respect her space and will give that to her. Everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be will be.
August 27, 2015 at 9:12 am #82492IsselParticipantCarlos well said. I read your response frequently and it makes feel better. THANKS
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