Hi Tidea!

Congratulations on the strides you have made so far in gaining confidence in talking to people in IRL. The beginning of a romantic/intimate relationship, or meeting someone you are romantically interested in for the first time is an emotionally charged situation, and can very easily becoming overwhelming, and cause a fall back into old habits/ways of interacting with the world. What I have found has helped me in similar situations is paying attention to my breathing, intentionally slowing it down, paying attention to the color of the table, or ground or things around me . This helps calm me a little, so I can at least attempt at carrying out a conversation. If you have a meditation habit, or if you practice how to control your breathing in non stressful situations, it will become easier for you to utilize these tools in stressful situations.

Maybe you can also consider bringing this up with your new friend. Let him know that you like him, and were interested in talking with him but your anxiety in the situation got the better of you. Its your truth, so sharing it with someone you are interested in is a good way of gauging whether they are a good partner for you.

Best,

m

Dear Tidea Janamori:

Regarding your trouble with talking, I think it is a combination of two things: anxiety and habit. The anxiety part, the ongoing fear, may have originated with someone early in your life misunderstanding what you said, or your intent in saying what you said, disapproving of what you said, using what you said to attack you in some way. So you learned that talking is dangerous, therefore, you stopped talking.

The other part is habit. It became a habit to not talk. Habits are hard to break no matter what they are.

Your sentence in the post before last includes these two parts:

“I just gained this habit not express what I feel and when things like meeting a person whom I reeeally like just brings me back to my old fears to not be understood… Anxiety”

anita