Hi.

This is very weird, I was thinking of posting on this website(I haven’t in two years). My last post was about breaking up with my ex, which all seems so trivial now.

Anyway, as you can see from the title there’s been a lot going on. My name is Emma, I’m 21 and I have very aggressive alopecia meaning I wear a wig everyday(and have done so for the last year). My Alopecia was brought on by stress On top of this, a few months a ago I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety, and have been on anti-depressants ever since.

Before I was diagnosed with Depression and after I lost all my hair, I met a boy. To be perfectly honest, I kept him at arms length for the first few months. This was purely for my own sake, I didn’t tell him about my depression, my wig, etc. After a few months of him chasing me I completely fell for him. I mean head over heals, I became mad about him. He’s a great guy and probably one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met. He’s also very intelligent and beautiful. We hit it off so so well. After some time had passed, he asked me out and I said no, purely because I wanted to tell him about everything that was happening with me before we were official (even though we basically were). By the time he asked again I had told him everything, and as expected he was so understanding about everything going on with me.It made me love him more. My friends were friends with him and his friends and they were all so happy for us, I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to walk into my life.

I should mention that 6 weeks before I first met him he had broken up with his ex, whom he was going out with for 2 years. He repeatedly told me that he could never imagine being in a relationship for a long time until he met me – he said he was besotted with me and he made me feel like the most loved girl on the planet.

A few short weeks ago he started acting weird, he wasn’t as bothered with me and I almost felt like I was in the way. This never ever happened before, usually he would drop all to talk to me. Instead he was in awful humour and he couldn’t have made me feel less wanted.Anytime I asked him where his head was at he’d tell me he was worried about us, but he constantly reassured me that his feeling would pass and that he was still interested in me. After 10 days of weirdness between us and him telling me he was “doubting things” he broke up with me. It was very very final, he said he couldnt be back in a relationship for his own sake. He apologised and said he should have never asked me out, he said he was freaking out and he needed to be by himself. He might as well of carved my heart out of my chest with a bread knife. The day before I was online looking for his christmas present. Two weeks before he was telling me of places we should visit together. It was so sudden and so painful.

It’s been nearly two weeks since this all happened. Since then we’ve only spoken once, and again it was very final. He appears to be very active on social media and he doesn’t seem all that devastated. Meanwhile I haven’t eaten a proper meal since he broke up with me. In the last two weeks I’ve cried non stop, I’ve had no appetite, I’ve been feeling faint. The only thing keeping me somewhat sane is being in work. Last night I got sick blood and I freaked out, turns out my stomach was shedding its lining from not eating. Today I’ve been in a constant state of panic.

I can’t remember a time when I’ve felt so completely heartbroken. The last year has been horrendous, between loosing all my hair, going through very tough law exams and trying to keep myself sane all while holding down a good job and having anxiety and depression.Having said that, my boyfriend breaking up with me has just pushed me over the edge.

My heart is completely broken. I don’t understand how he could drop me so quickly. And I don’t know how to pick myself back up. Any thoughts on the above is greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading this, I know it was a long post.