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Very concerned about the direction my relationship is going in. Advice needed!

HomeForumsRelationshipsVery concerned about the direction my relationship is going in. Advice needed!

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  • #75482
    BellyButton
    Participant

    I have been with someone for a little over a year. The main issue we have is that he is a workaholic and he is constantly busy. Recently his business just went under, he is having money problems, and he needs to figure out what his next move is going to be career wise. It has taken a toll on me but I love him and would like to help him come out the other side stronger. We always said we were a team and I thought we were good together. However, we got into a pretty bad argument about priorities, time management and he stated he wasn’t sure what he wanted and if we were right for each other. He has never said anything like that before and he has never acted that cold to me before. It hurt me pretty bad. After that, I ended the conversation and told him we would talk again this weekend.

    Now the weekend is here and my mind is racing, worrying that he wants to end things, and worrying about how I will have the strength if things do end. Could someone really change their feelings that fast about someone? I am not sure what to say tonight to help things? I feel overwhelmed and lost.

    #75489
    Kirsty
    Participant

    I really feel for you. It’s always so difficult when you have an uncomfortable conversation with your partner – but I do believe they are necessary every now and again so you can reaffirm your connection and understanding for each other. Your partner probably won’t have made a snap decision. He’ll either have been thinking things over for a while, or he’s just feeling really down because part of his identity (his work) has failed, which can make everything seem bleak.

    A few years ago, my partner and I were travelling around the States for five weeks, and halfway through we had a very similar conversation where he said he wasn’t sure where things were going and what he wanted for us in the future. But then we agreed to wait until we came back to Australia before we re-evaluated, and everything returned to normal once we were home. I put that episode down to the tough year we had just lived overseas. So your partner’s uncertainty could be highly influenced by his current work troubles.

    I guess you could say to him that you feel you work well as a couple and you’re willing to help him get through this difficult time. But make sure he doesn’t use this as an excuse to take his frustrations out on you. You both need to make the effort, and if you feel he’s not (you might want to mentally set a time limit for your expectations), you could reconsider the situation then.

    Good luck. These conversations aren’t fun even when they have a good outcome, but just know that you will have more clarity at the end, and that’s preferable to not knowing where you stand 🙂

    #75491
    Julie
    Participant

    I understand your feelings and I will try to share my experience but keep it short.
    I dated an entrepreneur/workaholic. The most brilliant man I have ever met and very successful. He was a workaholic to the extreme. He would invite me over and keep going to his home office to check on business stuff on his computer. He was late for everything we planned because of his business. The difference here is that this man had a very successful business and made a lot of money. So, my point is that if this workaholic trait is a persons innate personality, success or failure will probably not change it.
    I loved this man, I respected and admired him. He took me to lovely restaurants and bought me beautiful gifts. Finally, I could not take the lack of time he could give to cultivate our relationship.
    If you feel that you can deal with this type of personality once you get through this crisis then my advice is just to give him some time. My ex would tell me “you don’t get me, I am not a banker with 9-5 hours and I never will be”, he would sometimes half break up with me for not understanding but he always came back. I finally ended it, not because I did not care for him but because the relationship was not meeting my needs. Give him time….take a step back, I think he will sort things out and come around…..if you are still waiting and available. But live your life in the meantime.

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