Unsure If I Should Let Go? Or How I Even Would?

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 1 month ago by Em.

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March 29, 2016 at 7:28 pm #100447

Anonymous
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Dear sensitiveandtrying:

I think that maybe, just maybe you have been micro-managing this guy. You referred to yourself as Type A personality. I don’t see where he manipulated you or mistreated you.

I think you tried to micro manage his brain, telling him when he should share what feeling and so forth, not giving him breathing room to just be.

If you would like to share how you feel he manipulated and mistreated you, please do. I didn’t pick on it.

anita

March 29, 2016 at 7:39 pm #100450

Alexis
Participant

Hi Anita,

Thanks for your reply. I left a bit out as my post got so lengthy haha.

I have definitely considered the micro managing aspect and have been working on it, but still have difficulty in how to proceed now.

There have been instances of him planning something with me, only to blow me off to hang out with someone else or make other plans without telling me, leaving me waiting for him.

With this last time, he asked me to go shopping with him, only to keep putting it off or snapping at me when I would ask the plan.

There was a particular time when he told me he would meet me at a specific time, only to show up hours later. He lied and said he got caught up at work, then later admitted that he lied and was actually spending time with a guy he was seeing.

I feel like a lot of times, he will often put me us both in situations that will cause us to react negatively to, only to only blame me and have an outburst against me.

Once there’s an issue and he’s upset, he’ll begin to pick apart my personality and say cruel things to me, then ignore me for an unspecified amount of time, only to begin speaking to me again like nothing has ever happened.

(This leads back to him exhibiting symptoms of bipolar disorder.)

Often, every problem we have is a result of something I’ve done to “cause” him to react in the way that he did, he never takes accountability for his actions.

March 29, 2016 at 8:01 pm #100452

Anonymous
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Dear sensitiveandtrying:

I see. When he leaves you waiting for him, not showing up as planned, that is definitely mistreating you. He also lied to you as the reason he showed up HOURS later. If what he tells you is cruel than that is mistreating you as well. Silence treatments as well? And he never takes responsibility for his actions, claiming you caused him to behave a certain way?

If you mentioned any of these things in your original post, my goodness, I missed a lot!

Then to the title of your thread: “Unsure if I should let go?” it seems like Let Go. Too bad you were so excited about the nature of your relationship at first, as if you met in a past life, being able to finish each other’s sentences. Too bad it didn’t proceed to be something as wonderful as you hoped.

It is also too bad your mother suffered from bipolar disorder. I am sure you suffered a lot from her behavior before she was treated, at the least.

Please share more, if you’d like.

anita

March 29, 2016 at 10:10 pm #100456

sandstorm
Participant

hey sensitiveandtrying:
i think u should slow down a bit and allow time to solve your problem .
you should savor what you have ,some people might not even have what connection u have found .
relationship is hard work . it requires lot of patience to build . if you are not up for that and think you can get better (deserve better)
with someone else than u should let go (it comes with risk and burning bridges). but you never know you might face same problem with new one .
the ways guys think and girls think it completely different .because biologically we are different .
i strongly believe in relationship we should always consider relationship is to give whatever we get out of it is bonus(that should be mindset).
i do understand your point to solve issue permanently once for all by talking it out . but he doesn’t feel the same way he doesn’t think its as important at all. so you will not meet at same point because both of you are running parallel.
hope third person perspective helps
sensitiveeeeee and tryiiiiiingg

life is an adventure ,better know how to roll

March 30, 2016 at 1:56 pm #100510

Eris
Participant

In my mind in relationships you either

1. accept the person as they are – decide that the pros out weigh the cons – and have a relationship based on a full acceptance and understanding of each others strengths and weaknesses and don’t try to change them to fit you

2. accept the person as they are – realize that the cons outweigh the pros and down grade them to person you sometimes do stuff with/acquaintance or ex friend.

3. Like the idea of who you think they are, get upset with them when they don’t act in accordance with that idea, nag and nag and nag at them to change or talk about your issues and turn them completely off you destroying any pros that the real person would have bought/did bring to the relationship

And yes I did a lot of 3 before I realized this 🙂

March 30, 2016 at 11:45 pm #100546

Em
Participant

Hi

I even have gone through a similar experience in my last relationship.

I know it hurts. I know it would be impossible to get on with your life. It’s always him on your mind.

But, believe me. You can let go of what is not making you happy. You can let go … Its hard… But it’s a decision you have to take.

Good luck
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