I have lived with roommates forever, I have always been in a relationship & I have always known what I wanted out of life. What direction I was going, confidence in the fact that I would be successful. I had been in a toxic relationship for three years. I met another man and we had a whirlwind romance coming right off the cusp of my previous relationship. I decided to move to a big, new city by myself almost two years ago and my boyfriend wanted to move to the city and live with me. I knew this was a bad idea and it was too soon. I read blogs about relationships taking a turn for the worst when living together too soon and psyched myself out, but he always reassured me we were “different” (naive I know).

About 7 months in, the relationship took a turn for the worst. I had been paying the rent all along and now he was completely emotionally unavailable to me. I was busting my ass to try and play housewife to make him happy. Nothing worked. Finally, after a long year and a half of his dramatic tornado… he decided that he could not do it anymore. He was too selfish and needed to figure it out on his own. I was blind sighted and completely resentful.

It took me a couple months, a lot of weight lost, and an ample supply of wine with good friends to come to terms that it was really over. I was always the one to break it off with every boyfriend. And now, when I put in everything I have, more than with any other man.. he can’t make it work. It rocked my world, my self esteem, everything I knew myself to be. I had completely lost myself in that relationship and I realized it a couple months after we broke up. But then- I was happier, I was enjoying myself, I went on a couple dates (nothing stuck), I lost interest in dating and I just focused on my work. I was working long hours at the office, taking my work home with me, it was a great distraction. Summer came and I spent time traveling all over the place with great friends. But now I am back miles and miles away from my family, my best friends, living alone and taking it day by day with a full work schedule and course load in school.

I feel that I have every reason to be thankful. I am healthy, I know that I have a supportive circle of lots of friends who love me dearly. But I just feel so discontented. I will be graduating from my university in the spring and am grappling with the fact of what now? What is next? What is my purpose?

I am an incredibly outdoorsy person and I have got out of the city every chance I can. This seems to offer me some clarity but I stress about what is to come or how to stay motivated. Any advice for keeping your head above water and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel?