Dear abhi2009:

I have had severe enough OCD from childhood to 30. About then I stopped doing the great majority of rituals but the thoughts and tendencies are part of my daily life. As I am contemplating your post I am thinking: with your record of relationships and OCD difficulties, the chances that this particular relationship will work out are not that great. Lots of effort and investment on your part- as well as on her part- will need to be done to take this relationship to a good place and maintain it there. And this is independent of the cultural difficulties, your parents’ reactions.

If you focus on the cultural consequences and the relationship has small chances to survive anyway, then … it is too soon to consider the cultural dynamics? Or, if you give up the relationship, you are not giving up a lifetime relationship but the small possibility of a lifetime relationship. You will be giving up most likely a temporary relationship.

If I was you- and I am not in so many ways- I would talk to your girlfriend, a lot and find out through communication with her, if there is such quality to the communication itself, such quality that warrants further consideration of the cultural thing.

If the communication is so great- then there will be a lot to give up following the cultural norms. If the communication is not so great, well… In other words, is the relationship WORTH going to cultural war over?

Those thoughts you are having- running through your brain- verbalize them to her, that will make the thoughts slow down enough to fit the talking activity itself; it will make the thoughts slow down as you try to be coherent so that she follows your thinking. And talking to her will give you the chance to find out the depth of the communication and “mental intimacy” with her.

anita