Lidewij,

Forgive me for the format, but several things you said jumped out at me, which I’ve put into two categories:

“nobody knows what happens in the future”
“everything seems so uncertain”

“And I’m too weak minded”
“I’ve always been insecure”

The first set is actually an expression of fact: nobody knows what happens in the future. Life could end in 30 minutes. Or it could go on for another 80 years. “Good” things could happen, “bad” things could happen. As a worrier myself, I’ve struggled to accept these facts, though I’ve worked to help myself do so.

Which leads me to the next set: perhaps you *have* always been insecure. I have. But I would say that you’re not weak minded. That might be presumptuous on my part, but I think how you talk to/about yourself can really affect your mood and therefore your life experience.

So, since the future is inherently uncertain, and you’re having trouble with hopelessness and depression, I would try the following, on a daily basis at least:

Each night, before you go to sleep, breathe in for 4-5 seconds, visualizing the number “1”, and then exhale for 6-7 seconds from your mouth, feeling the air escape, and seeing that “1” in your head. Maybe even saying it quietly aloud. Repeat this for 2 through 10. Make sure to focus on the numbers (or your breaths, whichever you prefer); focusing on them means you’re not focusing on what may or may not happen in the future. Do this every day for a week or longer (I’ve done it nearly every single day since early September, and it has become part of my routine so that it doesn’t feel foreign or silly anymore). Also, envision yourself triumphing, succeeding at whatever you’re doing and whatever life throws at you. Do this daily too, or more than daily. The idea is to establish a routine and accept your reality as it is, without trying to change it. If you’re worrying, acknowledge that you’re worrying, and do your best to let that thought go in favor of practicing being in the moment.

How often/how long do you meditate? The mind can go all over the place of course when meditating, depending on how much worry there is and what the circumstances are. This doesn’t mean that you fail at meditating. It just means that you’re still learning to live.

Letting go of worry isn’t an easy thing. But the methods of getting there are simple, if not “easy”. Meditation/mindfulness helps people grow. I think it’s a lifelong thing for some of us. I know it is for me.