fbpx
Menu

Under pressure… sexually

Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Under pressure… sexually

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • July 30, 2014 at 3:58 am #62207
    ladybird
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    This is a pretty personal topic to discuss. I hope you’ll understand what’s going on in my head and feel free to ask if you’re confused about something in this post.

    Lately I have discovered that modern society – social media, tv shows, my friends – are really open minded about sex. I don’t think that there is something wrong with that, it’s acutally a good thing. But the more I hear about “what the others do”, the more I feel weird about being so traditional myself. Maybe it has to do with my confidence-issues but I would like to hear some neutral opinions.

    I love my boyfriend and I love being intimate with him. I’m having fun and feel satisifies. And I feel that this is all I need at this point. But all I hear around me lately is that “you need to try going to the swingers club, it gives you a whole new perspective” or “I am a girl and having sex with another girl. Not that I’m a lesbian but just having fun and it’s good for my relationship! Everyone should try that”

    I don’t mind people being experimental and I believe that it can be a lot of fun. But I don’t feel that I personally need something like that. Maybe I will at some point in my life but not now. Right now, these kinds of things seem emotionally challenging and I feel that they would make me feel hurt and confused in my relationship. But I feel labelled as “boring” or “scared” just because being okay with traditional stuff… and I don’t even know why I get these kinds of thoughts in my head? I feel that there’s something wrong with my attitude

    I don’t want to force myself to anything just so that I wouldn’t feel left out. I just want to be comfortable with who I am and not feel constantly influenced by other people’s beliefs/what media has to say. Not sexually and not in general. Sometimes I think that maybe I’m just surrounded by the wrong channels and make things way more complicated in my head than they really are.

    What’s wrong with me?

    July 30, 2014 at 4:37 am #62212
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    Actually, nothing is wrong with you. Your mind is working just like it does for most of us. There is a pressure to live up to some standards set by media, that is mostly just looking for readers/viewers.

    People are naturally curious about how others live their lives, because we kind of only have access to our own. So we like all kinds of statistics and reality shows and anything that will give us an idea of how other people might live and behave, and then automatically compare it to ourselves. I think we all do it more or less.

    As for pressure, sex isn’t the only thing that people feel pressured about (and you really aren’t the only one to feel the pressure). Same goes for looks, hobbies and lifestyle in general. I remember reading an article about an island where people were pretty much OK with everything, but the moment TV was introduced, a majority of the girls started suffering from eating disorders.

    We all feel the pressure in various ways and it requires some strength to not care about it and live your life as you please. Treasure your sexuality and don’t let the peer pressure get to you. Only do things that you really want to do, as otherwise you might do more harm than good.

    July 30, 2014 at 5:06 am #62213
    Matt
    Participant

    Ladybird,

    Its very normal to be told what we “should” do and try. You know you, so its OK to shed the rest. “Not my scene, hope you had/have/will have fun though.” Not yours, unneeded. Your heart would say, you’d feel a call.

    If you’re fearful that your intimacy isn’t satisfying to your partner, bring it up in a gentle, heartfelt space. Do you know if he’s satisfied? His is the only opinion that matters beside your own, and even then, if he wants things that feel icky to your heart… well its OK and healthy for some desires in the brain of a man to fall aside. We sometimes need a gentle slap from the goddess if we’ve been drooling. 🙂

    Said differently, if a kid comes up to you while you’re building a sand castle, and says “you really must, right now, get up and go play on the swings, you’re missing out”, its one thing to be scared of the swings, stay away because you feel fear. Its quite another to say “no thanks, I’m busy building something beautiful.” Smiling, waving at the swingers, feeling no call to join them. Now, what could be used as a flag for the castle?

    With warmth,
    Matt

    July 31, 2014 at 8:18 am #62326
    Will
    Participant

    Oh darling, nothing is wrong. You could just do with being a little more anchored to yourself and your own desires. Trust yourself. You know you.

    Just so you know where I’m standing: I’m definitely one of those adventurous types. I’ve had a threesome in the last week. I know what swingers clubs look like on the inside. I have more sex toys than DVDs.

    And I think you’re just fine doing ‘traditional’ things with your boyfriend. In fact, I think that’s lovely. If you feel satisfied, and you feel like you don’t need anything else, then you’re in the right place. ‘Adventurous’ sex is great for those who enjoy it. If that’s not what you enjoy though, it’s horrible.

    Next time you hear a “Everyone should try this!” translate it into what it really means: “I am really enjoying myself and expressing my enthusiasm!” It doesn’t mean you‘ll enjoy it, because you are not them. People vary. And that’s good. You know in your heart what you love to do, and what’s not for you. So remind yourself of that, and wish others well in whatever things they enjoy doing.

    I think there are some ‘adventurers’ who are over-enthusiastic and kind of try to drag other people along in their adventures. It’s usually because they feel a little uncomfortable and conflicted about the crazy sex stuff they’re doing. If they can get others to join them, they don’t have to feel so insecure. If that’s one of your friends, maybe it can help to make really clear you’re OK with what they’re doing, you just don’t think you’ll enjoy it yourself: “You had fun at the swinger’s club? That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you. I know I couldn’t enjoy that, but I’m glad that you’re doing things that you enjoy and that are right for you. Go you, you sexy thing. So, are you coming over for the barbeque on Saturday?”

    As for the media: they’re just trying to sell you stuff. You don’t need it, just let it go.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.