Hello Lily!
First of all, I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. I am about to graduate with an honors degree in English literature, coming July. As I read your post, I realized this is exactly me. I mean I tried very hard to get into literature after I had got selected for an engineering as well as a med-school. And I chose literature because I love art. Of every sort. And at that time, I didn’t care if I would ever be as successful as I could have been had I chosen the other two options. Luckily, I have been doing good in my studies and plan to pursue a masters degree. But since the last few months, I have been having doubts. What exactly is that I need? A secure job that pays me well? Or those things that I have always wanted? As I dig further into my mind, I find that most of those things require a good financial backing (like, I have always wanted to travel the world and meet new people but now that seems a very, very expensive dream to me). Everyone around me suggests that I prepare myself for the civil services exams after my masters so that I can get one of the most respectable and top notch position as a bureaucrat. They say I have the potential to do it, and say why waste my years on getting a PhD and becoming a mere teacher. I know nobody is forcing me to actually do all this but I have now come to a situation where I sometimes doubt my own dreams and decisions so much that I start planning my life the way they suggest me to. And they are the people who want the best for me and I must say that they have a point. But after hours and days of contemplation over my ‘alternative’ plans, I come back to the same old me, who can’t let go of her dreams. This is the reason why I get annoyed every single time someone asks me what am I planning to do after my graduation.
I am scared to face the world. I try to hide my talents, my personality and my feelings behind my ‘confident’ self that everybody seems to admire.
I am sorry to burden you with my own baggage but I could totally feel what you must be feeling while I read you post. Yes, you are completely making sense. And I don’t know why, but it just felt right to share my stuff with you. there is one more thing that I would like to share. I don’t know if I am doing the right thing or not but slowly and gradually, I am making myself accept the fact we don’t know what the future holds for us. Choices are completely relative. Whether we choose what we want or we choose what we need, we can never for sure know what will be the end of it. Because life never stops changing. Dreams that have come true can turn into adversities whereas adversities can become a reason for us to go on living and attain a better life. The best thing is to deal with the things that are immediately in front of us. And when there are tough choices to make, we should remember that we will have to miss one or the other thing close to our hearts. It’s possible that we may never come across the thing that we let go, but life offers numerous other things that will eventually become important to us. Hope you understand! All the best! 🙂

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Archie.