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Unable to shake off past

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  • October 24, 2017 at 7:40 am #174561
    DP
    Participant

    Growing up to be like my father is something I’ve wanted to avoid my whole life. Its something I’ve always had in the back of my mind.

    I want to reiterate here Anita that I’m not looking to cheat/have an open or polygamous relationship. I firmly believe in and support the concept of Monogamy and although there may be people who feel comfortable with the concept, I believe a monogamous relationship is the only way two people should be together. Once again, other people are more than welcome to have different views and I have nothing against them, but this is how I feel about it. So no, I’m not looking for an extra marital/out of relationship experience.

    October 24, 2017 at 8:13 am #174577
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear DP:

    I understand your strong conviction regarding monogamy. I didn’t doubt that conviction before. What I have been trying to do is figure out your motivation regarding entertaining the … sort of need to have an experience with another woman, to match your girlfriend’s experience during the breakup. I am trying to figure out why you feel inadequate not having such experience. I haven’t figure it out.

    anita

    October 24, 2017 at 8:25 am #174597
    DP
    Participant

    Anita,

    This is where I’m at a loss of words as well. The two strongest things i feel are that

    a) I maybe would’ve found it easier to accept had I’d been with someone else(Just a hunch and most probably incorrect)

    b) I sometimes get this feeling of doubt and worry if I’m missing out on something in life and what if this feeling of doubt i get impacts our relationship in a bigger way later

    October 24, 2017 at 8:55 am #174609
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear DP:

    Here is a possibility, let me know what you think of it: you live with your mother while your father disappears for long periods of time, having affairs with other women. Your mother is suffering. You feel great empathy for her. Being a good boy is very important to you: unlike your father, you are going to be there for your mother, you will help her.

    But being exposed to her suffering, you naturally long for a happy-go-lucky living, being free of suffering. And so, secretly you long to live like your father, to be out and about, have a happier life, elsewhere.

    I wonder if you felt angry at your mother, at times, for… trapping you in her misery…?

    anita

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