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March 18, 2016 at 7:51 am #99365
Musicmaker614ParticipantGood Morning,
I have had quite a few crazy years. I ended my 14 year relationship to my college sweetheart. (we were married for 5) We were fighting constantly and no matter what I did for the many years I fought for a relationship and life together, he was a workaholic and ignored me. Eventually I got confirmation of my suspicions that he was cheating and packed up everything I could in my suitcase and left with nothing.
After sorting out it all over the past 2 years, everything is now finalized in our divorce and we have no ties since we had no children.
I have done a lot of soul searching, healing, and moving on since then. I have established myself after a long year of moving 5 times and almost becoming homeless. I had a rough go for the first 10 years of my career life so I no savings and financially in a huge hole.
I met someone about a year after my divorce and we are having a wonderful relationship and he fullfills all that I ever hoped for, except for the financial side. He too had a rough start in his career too, and now has a good job, -not great paying, but there is great opportunity.
My concern is this. We are both working towards the same goals.. which is something Ive never had before.
however, All I’ve ever imagined my life to be is to become a MOM. It’s all ive ever really wanted, and I feel like I’ve been patient and have work as hard as I can to work toward that goal, but it seems to be at the mercy of my circumstances financially.I will not have a child unless I can afford to live, and bring it in to this world with the best chance at a normal life. As a teacher I see so many students struggling to just get through the day as a person, never mind adding poverty to their plate.
How do I find happiness knowing that I continually have to be patient for the one thing that seems to be so natural because of money and timing in life?
I do not want to be rich.. I just don’t want to struggle anymore, and I pray, and meditate, think positively and affirm that all is working for my highest good, however, I still feel empty.
I work two jobs, about 65 hours a week just to survive on my own in my own apartment. I have to rent because the condos and houses in my area are disgustingly expensive and I can’t even imagine how people afford them.
I feel like all I ever do is work and pay bills because I don’t have the luxury of taking trips, or vacations, and spending money on random things like clothes or shoes. All my clothes are hand me downs or second hand and fit funny because I have lost weight.
In my teaching I feel like ism always Faking or putting on a show – pretending enthusiasm. I’m so exhausted at the end of the teaching day, then have to switch gears in my mind to my other job.
I know I have to be patient, but how do I have to wait before I just get angry that and know that “this isn’t my life”? Because I’m there already.
March 18, 2016 at 3:24 pm #99427
AnonymousGuestDear Musicmaker614:
65 hours are a lot of hours to work in a week. Not enough hours to be a mom even if those 65 hours paid you enough. I think that too many women think that being financially able is enough to have a child. There is much more to it than finances. What a child needs, beyond the tangible basics is time with a loving parent. At least one parent.
I don’t know the practical/ financial details of your life. i wish that teaching paid more where you are teaching. There are some school districts in the U.S that pay teachers a whole lot of money, so much that a second job is hardly necessary. If you combined households with your boyfriend, and both working, that can save money.
Being a mom is very important to you. I hope you can soon reach the practical circumstances to allow you to do just that, to be able to spend enough time with your child, enough loving time.
anita
March 18, 2016 at 4:39 pm #99443Musicmaker614ParticipantHi Anita,
Thanks for the reply. Yes, my boyfriend and I are working toward getting a place together but it just is such a process because we need first last and security deposit in order to even look. My place is too small for the both of us.
I understand about giving time and love to children… I certainly want to be able to do that. But I am held back by the lack of money in order to comfortably do that.. Even combining our finances together isn’t enough.
Just seems my lack of ability to actively live life is dictated by my finances.All I can do is keep working little by little each day toward my goal.
March 18, 2016 at 5:00 pm #99449AnonymousGuestDear Musicmaker614:
If you and your boyfriend have it in you, capable and willing to be good parents, then I hope you do have a child. If the two of you focus on this goal… how can it not happen? Put your brains together… I don’t know what country you live in. I wonder if taking care of a child as a foster parent could work for you, being paid for taking care of a child who was separated from an abusive household? Just an idea. Won’t be a biological child but a child nonetheless.
anita
March 18, 2016 at 5:54 pm #99457Musicmaker614ParticipantHi again,
Having a child will happen eventually, with or without my boyfriend. Just isn’t the right time in my life even though I have been mentally ready to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I’m basically saying that I’m a bit angry that my life isn’t further along than it is. we are both goal oriented and loving people so I know it will work. But waiting is the hardest part for me.
March 18, 2016 at 8:20 pm #99463AnonymousGuestDear Musicmaker614:
I see, you know it is not the right time. The reason you posted here is that you are angry that it is not the right time, that you have to wait. Makes me think of patience. That word, patience. How difficult it is to exercise it. How in our minds we can see things we want happening, and they happen in our mind’s eye quickly. But to make these things happen in reality, a completely different story. Yes, completely different.
Do you want to look more at your anger, is that anger troubling you a lot? How does the anger express itself?
anita
March 21, 2016 at 12:27 pm #99719
Mike DiLeoneParticipantHi Musicmaker and Anita. I can relate to the situation of not making enough money and not seeing my life progress in the manner I wanted it to. I consider myself a “late bloomer”. What worked for me was a)jumping in and doing it anyway. My wife and I had our first child when I was 38 and second when I was 40. We could not afford it at the time though now a few years later and we are in a much better position. I figured if we waited for the perfect moment…we’d be waiting for a long time. Besides, I just went to a service yesterday. My sister in law lost her dad and he was only in his early-mid 60’s. She had put off having kids because her husband doesn’t make much money and is a college student in his 30’s. I don’t know if that decision will become one of regret now that her father is no longer here (I hope not but don’t know). Maybe it’s just me but I find that sad. Putting things off can have unforeseen circumstances. But really the thing that helped me most- was taking control of my life by setting a clear goal and vision for myself. I wrote a Life Vision Plan to get over the hump. Once I took charge and gained clarity- things happened and quickly. Without that discipline and soul searching tasks, I would still be stuck in a dead end job, and underwater with the monthly bills.
March 21, 2016 at 1:49 pm #99734AnonymousGuest* Dear mdileone: Thank you for your share. I hope it helps the original poster!
anitaMarch 21, 2016 at 2:16 pm #99735Mike DiLeoneParticipantThanks Anita. So do I!
March 21, 2016 at 4:34 pm #99760Musicmaker614ParticipantDear mdileone,
Thank you for taking the time to respond! Yes your post does help and I appreciate your input.I’m getting there…. I just have to keep working at it.
March 22, 2016 at 6:39 am #99814Mike DiLeoneParticipantYou’re most welcome, Musicmaker! My clients are people like you, because I used to be in the same position and know what it’s like.And I will say that you have some very big pluses going for you. First is that you realize the situation and reached out for guidance. You voiced it rather than keeping it locked inside and pretending all was fine. You know what you want but rather than just remaining content, you are working towards the life you want. So many people….don’t. They just wish and hope. I did that too, for years, so I get it. But it is with work and action that things are achieved…and you are definitely on the right path!
Best wishes to you! I would be happy to share my Life Vision Plan with you if you think it could help. If interested, just email me at hmdileone at gmail. Best wishes and much prosperity to you.
Mike
March 26, 2016 at 10:27 am #100154
ShivakalaParticipantHi,
Thanks for I’m also undergoing a similar situation.
I’m eager and excited to conceive but gets worried about financial condition.This post and replies brought back my lost confidence and hope.
Thank you Musicmaker for sharing your situation.
Anita and Mike, thanks for your suggestions.Shivakala
March 26, 2016 at 10:36 am #100156AnonymousGuest* Dear shivakala:
Please feel free to share your situation, your new found confidence and hope.
anita -
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