fbpx
Menu

Ugh, i dont know what to do…need help!

Home→Forums→Relationships→Ugh, i dont know what to do…need help!

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • March 3, 2014 at 10:35 am #52165
    Jade
    Participant

    I know you love this man, but his attitude towards you sounds incredibly toxic. Your partner is supposed to be your number one cheerleader, the person who lifts you up and encourages you to be the best version of yourself. And the Facebook thing seems like a giant red flag to me as well.

    Read over your post, but pretend it was a friend who sent it to you. What would you tell her?

    March 3, 2014 at 10:54 am #52172
    Sandy
    Participant

    @Jade
    It makes me terribly sad because I know what I need to do but I don’t want to. It makes me sad to think that all the future plans we had together and life we planned will be no more. I’m so angry at myself, so angry that I’ve become that girl. If it were a friend telling me this I would tell her to run. I guess I’m just so comfortable with him and the thought of starting over scares me. Thank you for your input Jade.

    March 3, 2014 at 5:32 pm #52203
    Jade
    Participant

    Don’t be angry at yourself! When it comes to making scary, life-changing decisions, it’s definitely hard to take that leap when it’s all up to you. There’s no shame in wanting to hold on to love and comfort. Whatever you decide, it’s the best decision you can make for yourself.

    Here’s a TB article you might find helpful: http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/a-simple-process-to-turn-fear-into-power/

    March 4, 2014 at 9:39 am #52254
    Shae Hepburn
    Participant

    @Sandy before you make any decisions… stop, get a pen and paper out and write down what you want from a relationship with a man. Okay I read your post and you already did the checklist, but that’s NOT what I am talking about. I am talking about what really matters. For example: how do you want to feel when you’re with someone you love? How do you want to be treated? How do you want to treat him?How will you know that he is looking after you? In other words what specifically will indicate to you that he loves you before he ever utters the words? You get the picture. The point is women get bogged down with nonsense: for example he must have super straight teeth, shiny shoes, he has to be tall and have a Porsche etc…That’s all fine and great but what if you get a man that ticks all the boxes and yet treats you like dirt? So the point I am making is that you need to know what you want from this man or any man for matter and that will clear up your confusion.

    I can tell you right now that this guy has issues and the biggest one is that he does not feel good enough for you. Secondly because of this insecurity he seems to have devised a way to protect himself by not fully including you in his life. How do I know this? Well look at the fact that he does subtle put downs and then says he’s joking. Actually he isn’t. He puts you down and temporarily feels good about himself but the cost is that you get to feel bad. Is that how you really want to be treated? You seem to be an insightful sensitive young woman that deserves a man that “gets” her. From what you wrote it seems like you dislike being with someone who is not going to treat you the way you feel you deserve to be treated and you know what…. follow that feeling because it’s telling you something important about yourself. It’s telling you to honour yourself. The point is: in any relationship each calls the shots as to how they allow the other to treat them. If you had said to this bloke the first time he put you down that you don’t know tolerate that then you would have set the boundaries quite clearly as to what is acceptable or not for you. But don’t beat yourself up, if you knew better you would have done better. But use this opportunity to get to understand yourself better.

    So before you decide to possibly end things, get clear what you want for yourself and from a man and then sit down with him and address these. Discuss the fact that you sensed he perhaps feels insecure around you and reassure him. However make it clear that there are certain things you will not tolerate in the relationship any longer and spell them out clearly, without blame and accusations. If he truly loves you he will move mountains to be with you and he will honour and respect what you need from him (this works both ways) however if he ignores you then at least you know you have tried your best and he has effectively made the decision that you don’t need to make and that he is not worthy of you, and that really you should move on. If anything this is a way to either strengthen the relationship or clear up the confusion and realise that he is not for you. Loving is all fine an well, but at the end of the day if a man (or woman)does not honour you then what is the point of being with them?

    March 6, 2014 at 2:26 am #52369
    sri
    Participant

    hey ,, i am 29 years old reisiding in some asian country . well i have never fallen in love till my 27 yrs of my age , although i have been with girls . but i met this gal on 31 jan 2012 and this was the sight that made me believe she is gonna be my future partener . i really did everything ,flew many times as this was long distance relationshi and didnt even consider about money or any absurd thing which may hurt her . i disclosed everthing to her , my passwords , my parents no , my address , wanted her to meet my parents but somehow there was never a lead from her side .i shared everything but she never . she did not rec my calls in night . leave me in total confusion waiting for her calls . when trying sometimes she was busy on other calls .i dont know she never took me seriously . i on other hand was willing to get married with her and start a beautiful life . she was intolerant for me . she never wanted a kid , i agreed . she wanted me to quit army , i agreed . she wanted me to do everything and i agreed . all i tried that she will understand our love . she was highly ambitious .her parents said no to me as i was of other caste . she once told me that she loves me and she is ambitious . whenever we try for anything that we will get married in court she pulls herself away . i must have given her atleast 12 chances . even with my parents brainwash and engagement occured to me with some other girl. i broke it sun as i cant handled it this way . but believe me till today this girl the one i loved still wants time . she is 24 yrs old and she goes out with someone without informing me . she has been eating my head in all this time . i dont know when it comes to maariiage then she is scared of .she never talks to my parents nor she does anything anything to believe them or me that she wants to get married . all she wanted was to raom around with me , think about her professional life , her ambition . i agreed to everything that things will be simler and i will support her for career . let me tell you that i keep thinking about it and it has been killing me from inside . i have not met her for last one year . i have not spoken to her for last one month . everytime i try to solve with this problem . she never never never did anything for us to be together . idont know and i m unable to make her understand a bout it . she needs time and time for what to see north pole ,south pole . i have been sufferring like anything and she has no value to my feelings or to my parents feelings . my parents faced a lot because of me and i dont know how to overcome her . plz guide me and lz help . i know that i am hypersensitive or hyer reacting over it . i dont want to sound weak but i am really helpless .i dont have any friend also to discus about it .

    March 6, 2014 at 2:27 am #52370
    sri
    Participant

    this is my id kunalsonu857@yahoo.co.in

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.