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Trying to understand my breakup

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  • July 21, 2015 at 3:53 pm #80188
    Dsp
    Participant

    Hi,

    My boyfriend (now ex) broke up with me two months ago. At the time, we talked for a few hours about the breakup, and to me it seemed like the right decisions, something I wasn’t able to do myself but wanted to for a long time, since I felt we were not compatible in any way or form. I just really loved him, and kept trying to fix the relationship that was not working out.
    Anyway, he told me he wasn’t able to commit for a number of reasons, but wanted to stay friends. He told me he loved me very much, and wanted to keep me in his life. He also said he wasn’t sure about the decision, and wanted to wait for a few weeks. I even let him stay at the house we shared until he looked for another accommodation. He asked me to buy him a plane ticket and to open a joint account so that, if something happened to him, I could take care of his expenses. All this, after we broke up. I now realize it was wrong of me to buy him a ticket and to agree to have a joint account, but at the time, I thought this would help him out and I just wanted to be nice to him.
    Anyway, three weeks after that, I found out he has been cheating on me when I was away for two weeks taking care of my sick sister. After we broke up, he would bring this person to the house every day when I was at work. I confronted him about it, and he said he fell in love with someone else and he thought I knew we were already broken up. I felt something was off, and I wanted to talk to him before my trip but he said he was too tired to talk to me and that nothing bothered him. I asked him if he wanted to be with me, and he started crying, telling me no one wanted to be with him and that it was my decision, and that he needed time to think. I had no idea what he meant by all this. I guess, from that, I was supposed to know we have broken up.
    I feel completely used and betrayed by him. I know we were not meant to be together, but I trusted him completely and felt he was my best friend. I dont understand why he simply couldnt be honest and talk to me when I tried to do so. Plus, also every day after we broke up he kept talking to me, telling me I was beautiful and how he wasnt sure about the breakup. Im just trying to make sense of everything that has happened. I am even seeing a counselor because I am unable to cope with what he did.

    July 21, 2015 at 9:13 pm #80214
    Lucie
    Participant

    Hi dear i read about your situation. frankly i know its hard to forget someone you did care for and loved. But just answer me one thing. Would you like to spend your life just because you loved him to this extent and he has cheated you?? What about your self respect?

    First thing, If he really cared he would have never gone to another girl. he told you that he thought you already broke up and he got another girl so quickly? Or the girl was already here when you both were into relationship?

    Secondly, you paid his expenses and agreed for joint account. Babe he was just using you. But I want you to realise it before its too late before you start to sicken because of this guy that you’ve got your life which is yours he can’t manipulate you.

    Third thing, dont rush to be into another relationship because at this stage you ll find many branches to hold but you ll not be able to judge the right one.

    So choose to be happy dear and please give you some time do your favourite things. Right ow focus on your career, try to keep you busy. Make yourself realise the fact that you’re beautiful person and one day there ll be a guy made for you who ll keep you happy. as everything happens for the best. So babe get ready to feel wonderful things to happen in your life. Cheers ad keep smiling. 🙂

    July 22, 2015 at 3:02 pm #80263
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Oh girl,

    I am so, SO sorry.

    I went through something incredibly similar within the last few months.

    Please know that none of this is about you… And none of this is about her. It’s all about him because people with no character (people who cheat) only give a damn about their own selves!!!! He’s a user and a loser.

    I know it’s Way easier said than done, but there is really no way to make sense of nonsense. After months, I’m STILL trying to make sense of my loser ex’s actions. But I learned that if you just can’t understand why somebody would do something so terrible, it just means that you’re just no that kind of person, and that’s a damn good thing!!!

    His logic is null and void. Because somebody who truly cares and really knows how to love (the correct and healthy way) doesn’t do this to somebody else… They just don’t. Maybe he loves in his own sick way – and because he believes that he “loves”… But it’s certainly not how you *deserve* to be loved.

    Two things that somebody told me that I love to repeat: 1) The best is yet to come. 2) You can’t polish a turd!

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