Hi kps59,

I read your post and I am going to try and find some sort of solution for you. But since I know only what you told me it is going to be a little difficult. And I am going to be brutally honest with you here, so I apologize in advance for that.

Here’s the thing. It is the most stupidest thing to reconcile after someone has that they do not want to be with you. Why on earth would you wanna get back together with this guy who said those words after 2 and 1/2 years of relationship. I mean there’s no going back from here. Have some self respect for yourself and cut all your contacts with him, from phone no, email, social media to common friends ( if they talk about him). Cutting all these ties will help in alleviate your pain and free you from future entanglements. Please, you must stop yourself from finding out any information about him.

Meditation and yoga are great. But you are missing the whole point here. You wrote ” Letting the universe handle it” and then you have this hope that this douchebag ( sorry for the language) will return. And then stalking him on Fb……..come on mate, you are missing the whole point of meditation.

Here’s the solution. It is time to grieve and be miserable. It is time to cry for the loss. It is time to dive in and trust me with time you will come out of it. Don’t run from pain by keeping yourself busy, it will just stay inside you. It is time to let go.

You talked about spiritual solution. Here’s something you need to learn. LET GO. And that exactly means let universe handle it. Let it be, the pain, the sorrow, the grief. See it and feel it. Its not you, its just feelings that will come and go. Just like when you were in dumps for 2 weeks, if you remember, there were times you were feeling shit and there were times you were feeling ok. It wasn’t constant every second in dumps, it was in dumps and out and then back in again.

And please don’t fall into another relationship just because you can’t handle this, or you feel alone. Its time to work on yourself and reflect on things. Dig in and find the underlying issues, is it low self esteem? Is it fear of being alone? Is it fear of no security or certainty? Is it fear of getting old? Is it that you do not love yourself? Do you value yourself? I don’t think you do.

I feel compassion for you but I have to be honest to open your eyes. Its time to wake up.

Good luck
Brav3

Dear kps59:

Good to read your update. I have one comment. My motivation in sharing it with you is to increase the chances that you do get back together with him.

In your update you wrote: “if we are meant to be together” and in your original post you wrote: “I did research and sort of came upon a more spiritual solution – letting the universe handle it. I have been setting the intention, doing meditation, trying to manifest what I want”

So I am guessing the spiritual solution is to visualize what you want to happen and let a higher power called The Universe transform your visualized desire into reality?

What would increase your chances of getting back together and having the relationship you need and want is active participation on your part, wise active participation (and not visualizing and then passively waiting for a higher power to make -wishes-come true).

If this is making sense to you, we can communicate further about what “wise active participation” on your part may be.

anita

I have had bad experiences with the on again off again relationships

On-again/off-again relationships generally have a pretty bad reputation. And actually, science tends to back up what everyone’s cranky best friend is muttering to them.

Psychologists refer to this pretty common dating practice as “cycling”, and have found that a relationship that cycles during the dating phase is more likely to cycle once you live together or are married.

How to Stop the Cycle of Break Up & Reconciliation

STEP 1
Identify problems within the relationship. Whether it’s due to differences in opinion, values, beliefs or priorities, having open dialogue is important to conflict resolution. If establishing open communication is difficult with your partner, then utilizing a mediator who is trustworthy and neutral during conversations may be wise. In any case, pointing out what is causing the breakup and reconciliation cycle is key to avoiding it in the future.

STEP 2
Listen to your conscience. Honesty will have to be well practiced during the process of ending this vicious relationship cycle. Own up to your mistakes, longings, and emotions even if your partner chooses otherwise. Often times this will help give you guidance on whether it is worth trying to fix at all if your partner decides they will not be honest or open. Avoid cutting off that little voice in your head that is trying to convey what you really desire.

Dear kps59:

Moving back with him, here is the problem with you being sure 100% (about getting married and living together for the rest of your life) and him not being sure. It is like you have to pass a test, be at best performance so that he will make the decision to marry you. How do you live day after day with that pressure?

Here is my suggested solution: accept that it will be a test, but shift what the test is about:

Make the grade you receive not be about how pleased he is with you at any particular day, whether he made another visit to the ring store, whether he feels closer or father away from that 100%-

Make the grade you receive be about how true to yourself you are every day. You give you the grade.

Every day that you live with him, pay attention to be authentic, to be yourself; make YOU the focus of your behavior. Do not make him the focus of your behavior.

This way you will practice being you; you will find yourself more and more every day. You will not focus on his daily % of being sure. It will not be about him. (“To thine own self be true”…)

Is this making sense to you?

anita