I understand what you mean. It is difficult to remove any protective wall you have, whether it be physical like make up or something emotional like suppressing your feelings.
When I was in high school, I suffered from depression because I believed I was inadequate and a failure. I wanted to be like the other kids who were experiencing life and being happy with who they were, but I wasn’t and I knew that. I knew I was different and it definitely brought my self-esteem down. I felt like I was in a class system with everyone else on top and me on the bottom. So I suppressed any emotion that was negative in order to create this facade of a perpetually happy guy, so that no one would see the depressed kid underneath. But it didn’t make me feel like them, it made me feel very alone.
When I finally discarded this facade and accepted who I was, I began to feel so much better about myself than when I was faking it.
If you spend a day, an afternoon, or even a minute without make up on, I believe that no one would think any less of you. In my opinion, a woman’s beauty is determined by how she feels about herself, not by how she looks.
I can tell that you are a strong person because you were able to reach out on this forum to anyone who’s been through what you have experienced and because you have been struggling with this for a long time and haven’t given up. You are still searching for solutions. Not a lot of people have the willpower to do that. You can definitely beat this fear.

It doesn’t have to be today, tomorrow, or even within the month, but I hope that sometime in the near future, you can look at your reflection with no make up on and simply say, “I love you for who you are”.

Hi Samantha,
This may be a strange perspective… I am so incredibly jealous that this is the type of problem you are dealing with. I so wish had acne and had low self esteem. I am instead dealing with digestive health issues, issues that my parents abandoning me as a child. I have such high anxiety that doctors have to give me an EKG to make sure it is not my heart that has a problem but is my mind that controls it.

I just want you to know that you can control your mind and you are worthy of all of the love and kindness that exists on this planet. Each human is equal and many of us see media or beauty on tv, internet etc… Those forms of”beauty” are photoshopped and not real. Maybe take some time listening to Tara Brach https://www.youtube.com/user/tarabrach she is like my dose of a daily counselor when i cannot see mine. Everything you want someone to say to you she says and it feels true and relatable. I truly believe that learning self-compassion is a skill that takes time but is fully worth it. Maybe you have not tried listening to a you-tube or a podcast but just give one a try, i never did until very recently and it has helped tremendously. this link is for cultivating compassion https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Alh1EmP2Of8

Tara Brach is a leading western teacher of Buddhist meditation, emotional healing and spiritual awakening.