Dear Christopher:

Your life seems to be about extremes, either all the way there or all the way the other way, ecstasy or despair. You wrote: “I do this whole i will change everything today thing, it lasts, then fades, then i resort back. ”

You can’t change EVERYTHING. And the solution to despair is not in ecstasy.

You got to learn patience, taking a little step here and a little step there, going slowly; got to be satisfied with feeling… just okay, not ecstatic, not elated… just okay. Lower your expectations, be okay with being in the Middle.

Mindfulness will be a great thing for you to practice.

I hope you post again.

anita

Dear Christopher:

In your original post you wrote: “It is difficult to pin point exactly the moment where this pattern became a theme”- you chasing the highs, these surges you mentioned, the drive to create a dramatic change, these are the neuropathways in your brain, physical neuropathways that were formed in your childhood.

A term for childhood is “Formative Years”- because during our childhood most of our neuropathways are formed. These create the habits of your thinking, feeling and behaviors.

Nothing but the extremely patient practice of Mindfulness, over time, with insight into the past and present, can change those habits, undo the pathways, little by little. It is possible, it can be done, but it is difficult, requires help (competent psychotherapy to learn the skills to do it), and it is very, very slow. Success is not a one-time-dramatic event.

And you can not make up for lost time and past misery.

Would you like to share, to “pin point exactly the moment (those Formative Years) where this pattern became a theme”?

anita

Dear Christopher:

I didn’t understand your last sentence: if I change everything people will like me… I need t be someone different because I cannot connect and trust people”-

Can you explain?

You wrote that you cannot trust people. Do you believe all/ most people are trustworthy and it is your problem that you don’t trust them?

anita

Dear Christopher:

I didn’t understand the word “upence”.

Regarding not trusting people generally- it is unwise to trust people automatically or even generally, as not every person is trustworthy. You have to evaluate a person over time and learn if a specific person is trustworthy or not, and in what areas. This is one reason why “instant relationships” (the term you used) are unwise.

anita