Hi Shelby,

Ah I see what you mean! In a sense I can relate although my situation was a little different. Post trauma all of the feelings around this were so intense that I almost chose to actively focus on my break up and the hurt from that so I didn’t have to focus on the emotions related to the trauma. Two different kinds of pains. The lesser of two evils in a sense.

Yes, I do think it has helped. It gave the healing process a kick start along with starting my counselling finally! To my surprise, I have felt at ease since Saturday. I know it’s only been 3 days but those 3 days stress and anxiety free are amazing and I am enjoying every moment of it. I hope it lasts.

This is probably the first time I have noticed significant progress within myself so I am glad.

Although I don’t know if that has everything to do with the fact that me and my ex are on okay terms at the moment or if the conversation/counselling has kick started my healing process, it’s hard to say.

Shelby,

Good luck with your presentations! You’ve absolutely got this! Let me know how it goes 🙂

Also, I am so glad to hear that you’re feeling better! Do you think the reality is kicking in? You know when every single person advised that it gets better with time, maybe this is exactly what is happening right now? Nevertheless, I am so happy to hear that you’re doing well! The progress you are making is incredible and you should give yourself a real pat on your back! You have come a long way since we first started our online communication!

I know what you mean about the love of your life is not someone who would break your heart. I do believe that to an extent. But then there’s the realist part of me who is aware that we are only human and we make mistakes. Now provided they are actual mistakes and not intentional actions to hurt the other perhaps they can be looked past or forgiven. It’s a really tough one as on one hand I want to believe in this fairy tale of love isn’t supposed to hurt, two people just get together and have their happy ever after. But then on the other hand this forum alone shows that all that is is a fairy tale! We are all flawed, we will all mess up and make mistakes and more often than not we hurt those who are closest to our hearts! It’s the sad sad truth!

Shelby,

Well done honestly! I absolutely hate presentations so the fact that you did it is amazing! It is a lot to present in front of a group of people though so I think it’s pretty normal to feel drained after. The whole lead up to the event must’ve been a nightmare!

Yes I know exactly what you mean by change. It is true, if a relationship did not work out something must change in order for it to work. This is the issue I am currently having with my ex.. I don’t believe that the main aspects of the relationship i.e progress have or will change. He’s still pretty adamant on the mortgage etc. Some of my friends have tried to make me understand his perspective and said I am getting upset at a man for being driven and motivated to achieve the best in life.. How can I be angry at him for that? And I get that, but I don’t think it is just that. I do believe it is a cover up because he just isn’t in a rush to progress (because mortgages are a long process) and also that he is very much the financially responsible man in his household and will more than likely not get away from that for a long time..

So with that in mind I will be speaking with my boss regarding a promotion/pay rise so that I can save enough money to be ready to find my own four walls in a few months time when my family leave.. Fingers crossed that goes well. He wont progress with me? I’ll progress by myself! But then I think what’s the point? What is the point of him building a life for himself how he sees fit and me doing the same? Where is the ‘together’ in any of that?

I’m very proud of how well you are doing, honestly. It is admirable. I must admit I am majorly delayed in any progress because me and my ex are currently on ‘good terms’. So to speak at the moment there is no real effort to move forward as we are hung up on the idea of a reconciliation. I am however extremely weary and observant before I make any real decisions so at least I’m doing that!

I wonder how Victoria is doing.. I am assuming the reconciliation with her ex went well as we haven’t heard from her in a little while!

Shelby,

Another big well done to you on your presentation! And yes, the day off tomorrow is well deserved! Have you got much planned?

I think your point about wanting to build a life together, a mutual future is absolutely right. I agree with that completely. He doesn’t. In his words he is doing the best he can to provide us with the best future.. which yes is admirable and very nice of him but quite frankly at that rate we may not even have a future together because he’s so set in his ways… he realises this but it isn’t enough of a reason for him to derail from this plan. So perhaps your therapist is right. Maybe he does love me, like your ex loves you, but it isn’t enough to actually compromise and make future plans with me..

I do hear of these stories all the time. Two people together for many years, happy years but without progress and then suddenly they split up, eventually get into their next relationships and everything moves so quickly! But that’s all they qete, stories, and it appears I’m living this one right now.

I’ve actually just come back from my counselling session and I am feeling drained to say the least! I feel like this whole ordeal has sucked all of the energy out of me.

Yes, I saw Victoria’s comment earlier on her own thread and it resonated with me being on the receiving end of the situation. I’ve realised because of all the built up insecurities from the way he walked out on me all the way to this now ongoing back and forth have made me such a miserable person. I don’t like this person but yet I still do not have it in me to make the conscious decision to walk away.. I feel like I’ll forwver ask myself ‘what if?’. It would be much easier if he walked and it’s almost as though I am waiting for that moment! I’m arguing and pushing him further and further away to make him walk – how unhealthy?!

On a brighter note though, I’ve just weighed myself & I’ve officially lost 21 pounds since June!  This should make me quite happy.. it doesn’t haha! Nothing makes me happy nowadays!

Dear Shelbyville and Kkasxo,

I am back but I am going to give proper replies tomorrow (: I hope you both have a good night

– V

Kkasxo,

Just seen your post before I went to sign out. I don’t know if I can help but before I go I will leave you with a few pointers that may make your night easier.

• Possibly write a list of 5 things or even three, that you have accomplished in the last year.
• Please try to believe that you are strong, just tell yourself that you are, because, well, you are. You have gone through a lot and are still standing, even after crying you are thinking of ways to help yourself. Asking for medication doesn’t mean you aren’t strong, if anything it makes you strong because you are taking the step to acknowledge that you need help, which a lot of people will not do.
• Try and watch or read something funny, comedy does wonders for the soul.
• If you really can’t sleep is there anyone you can call? If not friends you could try a helpline just to talk to someone for five minutes (I’ve done this myself at times and it has helped).
• sending hugs!!

– V