Kkasxo,

I don’t think there is anything wrong with blocking out the complete extent of it until you are ready to deal with it. It’s called coping. By whatever means necessary. I would be scared too. Hopefully with professional help, they will help you look at things without feeling scared.

Trauma takes time and a bit of work to heal from, but you want to feel better, you want to heal, so isn’t that the first step on that road? I think so.

So, the medication has definitely helped with the withdrawal and the drop in serotonin since the breakup. But…..I still don’t feel great. In fact, I wonder if this is any better. I’m glad not to get the sword cutting into my ribs at the mere vague reminder of anything to do with him, but I feel really low. I’m really unhappy. That’s the simplest way to describe it. My life feels empty and hollow. I spent the day with my large family today and I did my best, but I’m so sad and lost without my ex, it nearly hurts more to see them all happy families.

I couldn’t sustain the level of pain I was in to be honest, so I accept I needed that help temporarily but I do still very much miss my ex. But I know I won’t contact him again. Not that I wouldn’t love to but there is literally no point. He’s moving on and I feel I would just come across as weak or desperate. I still think about him every minute of every day almost, but I’m trusting people who tell me it won’t always be like this. For now anyway! If I’m 6 months time, there is zero improvement, I’ll have some choice words for everyone!

I want a better life than the one I’m living now. I need to find out how. I hope you can too. x

Kkasxo,

Its a strange one because I always dread work and then welcome it at the same time. I guess because as you say, it passes another week.

I’m sorry you’re in pain this evening, I know that feeling all too well. I wish there was something I could do to help. You’re doing okay though, you’re still breathing. Listen to that song by Sia called ‘Alive’. Now THAT’S a lady who has experienced rough times and tragedy and come out the other side, but anyway, it might be a good song for the gym.

Another thing that’s bothering me tonight is the idea that the ex is doing okay. I’m hanging on by a thread, living a lost life with no meaning and a mountain of pain and yet he is not suffering like this. I don’t like that idea. That he could cause this much damage while he gets by with a couple of grazes. I don’t think people understand the profound impact their actions or words can have on other people.

If nothing else, I will strive in my life to be kind to others, to never inflict this pain on anyone if possible.

Kkasxo,

Its true, you are in immense pain. You have suffered a major trauma, so the pain that follows is natural and normal. It doesn’t feel good, but remember it is a natural process. If what happened to you happened and you merely shrugged your shoulders in the aftermath, then that would be a little unnatural.

When someone suffers such a massive trauma, the best way to navigate through it in my opinion is therapy. A trained professional who has experience of what is going on in our heads and can help us deal with the pain. It has to be worked through to heal. In my therapy session one day, I came close to feeling the true depth of my pain and I nearly had to kneel on the floor in the foetal position as it buckled me, but my therapist helped me through and apparently once you feel one particular wave of pain and let it flow through you, you don’t have to deal with that one again.

I don’t know if you have any interest in visiting your GP if you feel the pain is too much to deal with all in one go, could they offer advice. As I said I’m not a fan of medication but there are points in life sometimes when we need an extra helping hand to deal with what we need to deal with. And as my doctor said to me, it’s just an aid to get me out of the dark hole to at least try to make sense of everything that’s going on.

Can you talk to family or friends also about how low you feel and how traumatised you are after the events of the summer? And remember, you always have us here on Tiny Buddha.

I truly empathise, I really do. The pain can be all consuming and you feel your life as you know it or knew it is gone. We’re in this together.

Kkasxo,

I know what it’s like to try and put on a brave face. Some days in work, I can barely breathe, not to mention be a productive happy member of staff. But the only way to heal anything is to face it and talk about it, so I really hope you get a counsellor soon who can help and don’t be afraid to ask for a different counsellor of you don’t click with the first one, it can take time to get the dynamic right.

With medication, remember it doesn’t mean you’re weak or even that it’s permanent. I’m viewing it as a temporary aid to help me recover. My friend was in a 7 year relationship years ago and was devastated when it ended so she took medication for a year, but as she got over it, she came off the medication. She’s totally fine now and happily married with kids!

Your family love you I’m sure and while it can be hard for them to hear, support offers a light in the darkness, I promise you that. In my darkest moments, I’ve called my family and they have just given me enough of perspective to get me out of that particular hole at that particular moment. I can understand how people might urge you to start feeling better and move on if they just think it’s a simple break-up but they might understand if you explain it’s a lot tougher than just that.

I’m ok I guess. Took me ages to get to sleep last night as my tummy was cutting knives but I actually don’t think last night was related to anxiety, i think it was just upset.

I have therapy again today so I’m hoping it will help as I still feel so sad and lost.

We’re always here for you!

Hi all,

I hope this evening is going okay for everyone. I’m feeling very sad this evening but unable to cry. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

Kkasxo, how are you doing?