R&R2018,

Haha that did make me giggle! But it just goes to show how many people are actually out there prying on people who are vulnerable! Sickening isn’t it?!

R&R2018,

Well done to you! I wish I could say the same. I’m finding myself angry again at the thought of him being at the concert that I should’ve been at enjoying myself. Asshole.

R&R2018,

Ha! I’ve always wanted to smash some plates when I’m angry but I never got round to it.

Im so angry right now I literally want to cut off all contact. For real this time. He’s outdone himself many times this one’s just another one to add to the list. Is that the behaviour of a man who’s trying to win the love of his life back? I think not.

Thats the joke of it all. I haven’t even let him properly back in and everything I knew was coming happened! I must remind myself to listen to my intuition and gut feeling more often!

Shelby,

I do think that’s what haunts you and I the most, the momories of the past and the knowledge that there will be no more. BUT there will be new, perhaps better memories to make with someone new down the line? I don’t know, that’s what everybody says right so there must be some truth in it.

I think your brother in law has a very good point.  Whether you acknowledge it now or not it does really somewhat get easier with time. You say yourself you’re not as terrified as you was some weeks ago. His memory is somewhat fuzzy. In the next 15 weeks it’ll be even fuzzier, you would’ve adjusted some more to your new life and new routine.

I don’t mind the notion of time if only I had some sort of guarantee at the end of it that it will indeed get easier. Also wish I had a fast forward button, that would be handy 🙂

Shelby,

I probably do believe that perhaps one day I’ll meet someone else and eventually go on to have a family etc because those things just happen in time naturally right? However, I truly did believe my ex was it for me too.

I have been in a relationship prior to this one for nearly two years and I can hand on heart say that the end of that relationship was nothing like this. To be quite frank, I can’t ever remember being that bothered about it.. Mind you yes I was young, yet at the time I recall it being ‘love’.

When that relationship ended I remember the sense of relief and excitement to go on and explore life on my own. I took a deep journey down the path of ‘self discovery’ and really convinced myself that I will take my time to figure out my life by myself for myself. I knew that I wanted my next one to be my last because that’s just who I am as a person and with that I was prepared to wait forever. I was alone for just over two years and in that time I didn’t date, I was just genuinely so content on my own I really didn’t even like the idea of someone coming along to disturb my peace. Within that two years I also built up a very high expectation of what this new partner is going to be like. Going back to what I previously said, I knew exactly what I wanted and I was in no rush to get it.

And then he came along and exceeded all my expectations. And we truly did have an amazing 3 years together, we really really did. I didn’t think it would ever end. He was my one.

Now looking at it from the other end I can honestly say I’ve completely lost myself in the process. I don’t recognise myself at all and that’s the saddest bit. But the one thing I do realise in all of this is the person that he is right now is not someone that I recognise either. Right now he isn’t the man who came into my life three years ago exceeding all these expectations. I feel that he’s lost himself too in the process of all of this.

As sad as it is, I just don’t think we’ll ever get the happy ending that I was so sure of for all these years. But at the same time I can’t imagine loving anyone ever again. Not like this. It’s impossible.

Regarding your car insurance haha! I renewed mine on my birthday a couple of weeks ago and Iust admit I left my ex on because the price difference was crazy! Oopsie.. he doesn’t need to know eh?! Oh & my pampering session did nothing for me. Even the distractions aren’t doing much right now which is a first and quite worrying.

Morning Shelby,

Try to look at this way, you most wanna contact him each morning around 4-5am but the likelihood of that is you won’t bwcause it’s an inappropriate time so you win!

How is your anxiety this morning?

Ah that feeling! I hate that. Hopefully it passes as you get on with your day.

My evening was okay I guess. I actually woke up to the news that the concert weren’t as great as we hoped it would be through a mutual friend so somewhere inside me I’m like HA! KARMA!

I too am not looking forward to this weekend. Some friends asked me to come out to a Halloween event tonight a few days ago and I declined as I just do not feel up for the socialising and now I’m feeling a bit rubbish as I know I will have to spend the whole weekend trying to occupy my time with meaningless things! I’m honestly running out of things to do!

Have you got any plans at all?

Honestly I wonder if any of us actually live remotely close to one another! If so, we should organise that pity party sometime! Few cocktails and long chats about how shitty heartbreak is!