@Jay2023 so sorry I haven’t replied because you didn’t tag me , I assumed there was no message but got a notification today but can see that’s because of Danny and just read you can’t tag on your phone. So next time, I’ll try checking the forum sooner.

That feeling of her having moments will disappear the very moment you become happy within. Also when you’re in a new relationship and having all your needs met you will not care she didn’t choose you or want her to regret her choice. You will be glad, you will not feel like you do now once you find the right relationship. If you loved her deeply you’ll just be left with wanting the ex to thrive. If it was infatuation you will not care or get any warm feelings when thinking of her. How do I know that? Because I’m there. You’ll slowly but surely get there too.

I have some update @Dannydan and @Jay2023. My ex when I deleted him on SM, contacted me a few days later and I know you both said stay completely no contact and I have. I feel so cruel and it’s making me feel horrendous but I’m going to try to see it through allowing him to heal and assess his needs and relationship without me as a variable.

My boyfriend has been so great and he’s incredibly mature and secure in himself and that makes me feel more attracted to him each day. I’m trying to stay level headed but I’m both excited for us and sometimes anxious. I feel once he moves in that will be the big milestone in our relationship because he sees it as equivalent to being married and my bestie has been dropping hints that he is about to surprise me with something lol.

Jay you’re doing the best thing for yourself. Fulfilling your own goals and planning adventures without desperately seeking a relationship to fulfil you.

Danny how’s married life? You seem snowed under so don’t worry if you can’t reply.

Oh @Dannydan maybe I’m hormonal but I’m very tearful after reading your last post when did you become so wise. Thank you for your non judgement and asking how I feel.

So many people automatically judge that it is wrong or ridiculous for still caring about an ex or that it means you haven’t moved on but it takes someone with emotional intelligence to understand.

I can be madly in love with someone new and still care about my exes journey. The two can coexist. As long as there’s no unresolved romantic feelings on my end, which there isn’t you can be a part of each others lives.

I have been a little conflicted because I wanted us to be friends, I understand if there are still feelings on his side I don’t want to hurt my ex in anyway by giving him false hope or stoke the flames by being on his radar.

Ignoring someone is something I hate , it really doesn’t sit right with me, I find stonewalling rude, toxic and immature behaviour.

I’ve always believed it is better to have a difficult conversations to reiterate your feelings or position until the other person accepts that it is done and dusted. It’s a whole lot more kind too. Instead of silence and burying your head in the sand hoping whatever the problem is will go away.

Throughout my whole relationship with my ex, I was the one who would try to talk, have open channel of communication to which he would put up walls, show resistance or ignore.

There’s moving on and there’s moved on 100%. I have reached the latter now, where I laugh about how desperate I was to rekindle, now if an opportunity ever came about, I would never want to revisit us, which is why I’m able to consider being friends. He might not be there yet or ever get there if he has regrets.

I just feel like a hypocrite now to be enforcing no contact and ignoring his messages.

However you and @Jay2023 as men keep stating it helps you to heal to have no contact and prevents long term pain so I’m willing to try something different because I want him to thrive in life and in his new relationship so much.

At the same time my ex definitely knows I have let go, I told him, but he continues to contact me so I’m wondering, am I making assumptions or being swayed by hearsay that he wants me back romantically?

Should I have asked him directly before imposing a blanket ban again, instead of being swayed by assumptions or information from possibly biased friends who selfishly want us to rekindle.

It could be like myself he cares about me and also wants to be better friends and isn’t wanting to discard someone who was a vital part of his journey?

I shouldn’t believe like most men he has an ulterior motive of worming his way back in? Danny and Jay, am i being naive? I don’t know. I don’t really know him anymore either.

Above all I just want him happy and my own relationship to fruition and work, that’s my top priority.

Luckily for me I have a very mature and experienced partner who understands the complexity of human emotions.

We rarely talk about our exes,  I wouldn’t want my current partner to feel like I’m living in the past, I believe in living in the present. When we do have a moment he doesn’t make it uncomfortable or vice versa. I love that quality about him, I can tell him absolutely anything that’s worrying me and sometimes without even wanting to it pours out to him because our emotional connect is so strong.

That’s the foundation I’ve always desired, strong communication and being in sync. He never shuts down when we have differences, he never avoids conflict. He knows who he is and I know who I am and we have both become fearless in love and able to be vulnerable and say we really want each other. I feel secure in this relationship because of that. I am able to introspect my feelings without him feeling I’m questioning my love for him.

He is such a strong mature man who knows what he wants it is a very attractive and amazing feeling. Something my ex never gave me because he was insecure beneath that facade.

There was a point in time I was in love with my ex and he has a corner in my heart but that’s all it is. I continue to care and that is why there’s a struggle with what is best for him. No contact or contact?!

I will never be in a romantic relationship with my ex again, I forgave him but we didn’t work for close to five years. That meeting face to face was the turning point for me wanting better for myself and I was able to walk away from from being intimate with him in a very highly charged moment where I could have succumb. It made me feel proud that even though we had the chemistry and pull I didn’t just spread my legs to make a man want to be with me. It was a moment my outlook for that relationship changed and I showed the love I’m capable of giving to others by giving it to myself.

Maybe my ex thinks because he’s finally caught on and changing that he’s going to be able to be the man I wanted and we can start afresh from scratch but I no longer trust or love him in that way after learning to love myself and then meeting someone who has taught me how love should be.

My situation is so different to yours Danny. ‘B’ was always there for you and an amazing partner and most importantly she walked away at the right time before you became too entrenched and prevented certain memories from becoming tainted. Your physical relationship is built on your emotional connect and you were able to begin anew after seeing sense when you experienced regrets.

Thing is I never had any regrets with my ex because I was always all in and it still wasn’t enough for him. It led to deep resentment and I never ever want to be made to feel like that ever again.

You can’t stop caring or turn emotions off. So here I am, typing away trying to solve whether I’m doing the right thing. Hurting him now so he hurts less further down the line. I don’t know if any of that makes sense guys lol. I’m also very hormonal right now.

@Dannydam i can really tell you take your commitment and vows seriously. Well done on shining a light on the reality of marriage. Living with a person is definitely the litmus test of relationships.

Very few people are as unambiguous, honest and can speak their mind like your ‘B’. So you always knew what you were getting. For most the true colours are revealed once you live together and if you have rushed into narriage without living together then it’s down to you to work hard and accept you settled. I never ever want to settle for the wrong reasons like settling out of loneliness, as a race against my ex or worrying times running out for children like so many do. They in the end wind up more lonelier in the marriage than they started.

You’re very lucky man to have such a strong woman by your side. Continue to be proud of each other and work on your love!

@Sammy1

I still stand by my original point, if you think I’m off the mark ask @Jay2023.

It’s very difficult for a man to remain platonic friends with an ex he once loved or was serious about. At the very least sex will always find it’s way back on the table if you stay in contact with any residual feelings or he will secretly pine and pounce when an opportunity presents. Those who have residual feelings still BUT have the experience will cut contact entirely because they know the subconscious is a powerful thing just talking to someone can bring up emotions.

Fact is in your case you are being open and honest with yourself about the real reason why you want to be friends, being open and honest with your current partner about your ex and I agree perhaps you should not ignore the ex and just have an honest confronting conversation with him too.

You do what you feel will give you the most peace.

I can see you appreciate your current partner a lot. He seems like a very level headed lad who is firm in who he is but also able to have meaningful discussions even if feeling uncomfortable and realises healthy conflict in relationships are important for growth, he’s mature enough to offer conflict resolution which is a key skill and not jealous in asking you to stop contact. Seriously Sammy good on you too for not letting your exes stonewalling tendencies make you bitter or someone you’re not or the other extremity of people pleasing for acceptance. You really have done a lot of work on yourself to heal from the relationship with your ex.

I urge you to continue in this vain of being the lovely kind person you are, but I agree with @Rhaenys you deserve to focus on your own happiness. I know you are like ‘B’ with a genuine golden heart so you find it hard to think of yourself only, the world needs more of you. But your happiness matters too, putting yourself first may feel weird and you will carry some guilt but there’s no need to.

By putting yourself first, choosing what you want and is best for you may mean people are unhappy,  but remember they were unhappy before. THAT is a battle they have to overcome on their own.

I know you don’t want to hurt anyone, but you will end up hurting yourself by catering to the point of your own unhappiness. Let it be, whatever it is, you know you did everything you could and then some.

Enjoy your life whatever you choose or decide I will support you as you’ve stood by me through my journey.

@Rhaenys thank you very much, married life is challenging because of the responsibility but I have the right person by my side and it’s made me love being married. I feel the stress with work too, we are heading into a busy last quarter and with the house etc I’m feeling the stress. Like ‘B’ reminds me keep calm, go to your happy place and do the best you can.

I’m stoked to read you have met someone with potential. Take it steady and I hope it works out for you. Don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t it took meeting a lot of women until I met THE woman for me!

@Jay2023 bro hope you are doing well too!

Wow @Sammy1 you really decided to tackle that head on and all the power to you!

Can I say @Jay2023 and I told you so 😏 I’m only teasing.

Don’t feel guilt for him, Lord knows he made this mess for himself. The choices we make decide our fate. Let him fake it, let him fall sometimes that’s how we learn our biggest lessons and come out stronger. Don’t be disheartened you couldn’t remain friends, this is for now only. If he does do the introspection instead of rushing into a relationship to not be alone then time will allow him to heal and reach out.

You carry on with your life, focus on your own happiness because you really do deserve it! For you I’m happy you healed and there are no residual romantic feelings left with your ex. You can progress in your new relationship with full confidence and no regrets.

I’m excited for you! If you have any updates or change your mind about taking this offline let me know.

Take care Sammy, I agree you should be very proud of your traits and the human being you are. The world is lucky to have you, never let someone who doesn’t understand your value ever take you to the dark place you once went. It is most definitely a flaw within them to not recognise your value, I can honestly say I’m so humbled and grateful to have had your input which shaped my journey and you really changed my life for the better by guiding me. I’ll always be forever grateful, if you need anything please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.

Ahaha @Sammy1 message received and understood! I would be the biggest fool to lose my ‘B’ and she would be lost without me and my shenanigans too. Look at us now Sammy, we both have the real thing. Onwards and upwards. Until next time mate 👍

@Sammy1 @Jay2023  @Tim1 or even @Shelbyville

You haven’t posted in a while I know, could do with some advice!

Hi @Rhaenys

Thanks mate for the reply, very much appreciated. That’s fantastic news to hear you are happy and in a stable relationship. You deserve it! I’m buzzing for you and hope it continues to go well. He sounds like a top lad!

I too was hoping Sammy and the rest were still reading but hopefully the silence means they are very happy and doing great too.

I unfortunately don’t have great news, B fell pregnant,  it was very unexpected as we both had wanted to wait for a few years. So initially we were both shocked and unprepared then we started to really get excited and come around to the idea but she miscarried and since then she hasn’t been the same. She is carrying a sense of guilt and no matter how much I tell her it wasn’t our time and show her I love her it’s not working. I’m trying to not be selfish as I know although it’s a loss for me too she was the one carrying the baby. The loss is greater for a woman. I just feel shut out so I thought I’d come on here and vent. The wise words from those with experience always helped.

Hi guys, very strange because I checked this page for the first time in ages yesterday and your post was the first in a while Danny. I haven’t forgot about you guys and knew at some point we would re connect.

First of all of im really sorry to hear that Danny, it’s a roller coaster of emotions when it wasn’t planned and you’ve got your heads around it and get excited about the idea then the worst happens, I think it’s just a case of patience to recover like anything, everyone’s heals from that in different time frames, my first thought would be when your both at a point of being able to enjoy things again book a holiday in a really exotic place where you would make life lasting memories, that being something you wouldn’t have been able to do for a while at least if the unfortunate hadn’t occurred.

Rhaenys I’m so happy to hear you’ve found what you was looking for and are content and happy, I always felt for you a little in the situation you was in and felt we was both in the same boat so I’m glad you’ve dispelled those anxieties and can now look to the future building with someone and hopefully build towards what you always wanted.

Great to hear from you guys although not under the best circumstances from what’s happened with Danny 😥