@shelbyville,

Yeah that is the issue. We think that contact them is going to make them magically change their mind and things are just going to spring back to how they used to be. But that has a lot to do with us not accepting the situation as it is right now.

I know exactly what you mean when you say that you’re tired of being miserable. It’s sooooo frustrating!!! Quite frankly I’m getting so tired of feeling like sh** every single day and sulking over my loss! I just want to feel better and at least start enjoying the little things again!

I’m gonna buy it and try it out on my flight! I’ll take anything I can get right now haha!

@shelbyville,

I am absolutely exhausted. I’m on the train home now from the airport and the whole commotion of going back and forth to try and buy tickets then rush to get on the bus to the train station and then changing from train to train.. And then it reminded me of how easy it was with him. He’d always get me from the airport with a smile on his face!

I think it’s sad that these everyday situations can bring you the biggest pain. It just goes back to what we said about nobody actually cares about how shitty my day has been etc!

I’ve found a whole load of inspirational quotes! I wish I could share with you girls but I don’t think there’s an option to upload photos on here!

@shelbyville,

They probably are right. We probably (I hope) will feel better in time.. but God knows when that time will come! Right now I’m not fully ready to accept that it is over yet. Somewhere in my head i’m like this is just a rough patch and I hope we’ll be together somewhere further down the line. I’ve had a read of a few pages of the book you suggested and I realised something. It says in the book many people speak of a previous heart break situation and how devastating that was for them and then with time they look back on their ex and don’t even notice what they initially saw for that person. And I don’t know why but that hit me really hard because i’m not ready to NOT love him. To NOT want him. Deep down I believe he’s still my person and I really need to let that go because I do think that’s what’s holding me back from my recovery..

The other thing then that crossed my mind is your comment of survival and I realised that this whole thing has been going on since let’s say June. Since then although yes I don’t enjoy anything in my life right now, I have managed to replace my evenings in with him to evenings occupying myself with things such as exercise or Netflix etc. I have managed to work out a new routine without him. I have managed… and could I really picture him coming in now and me going back on doing those things? I guess in a sense what I’m saying is maybe we don’t acknowledge it everyday but we are becoming more and more accustomed to our own company and less reliant on them! Surely that’s an achievement right?!

Hi there,

Sorry I haven’t seen the posts (Ill reply to them in a minute).

I’ve just got back from the shops where I filled the empty void with notebooks, cute new pjs and chocolate. I also bought a 2019 calendar my ex would like (just in case anything changes, idk I like shopping for others rather than myself and I was drawn to it).

The whole day I’ve been sat in lectures zoned out thinking about him after I realised that I had fallen out of love with him, hence why the experience has caused confusion and distress rather than relief.

I am aware I didn’t comunicate with him properly but that’s because he stopped talking to me about how he was feeling.

Thinking about it this has been a long time coming, last September I had booked a trip for us to go to Paris because I knew we were stuck in a rut, but then it fell through because he unfortunately lost his job.

Because there is a big age gap between us it means he will always have a higher wage and whilst I have been finding work when and where I can I have carried the guilt that I cant give him/us the life we deserve as it were. Im not saying you need to be rich to keep the love going but its going to wane if you are spending every weekend inside or never going out for meals. On top of that he’s in debt so I worried about that and I felt like when he did spend money and we went out it always seemed to be something to do with him so it felt like an obligation at times. All I wanted was him to spend £20 or less on a cute cinema date or save up for a weekend away, I saved up for Paris on my McDonalds minimum wage so I guess I kind of resented it. But he would make an effort when it came to birthdays and Christmas’s , I think it’s just after we didn’t go to Paris and when he got a job there was no mention of going as a surprise then I think I started to distance myself emotionally because I just thought what’s the point he never wanted to go anyway.

Then after I’ve slept with someone else (which made things worse as you can imagine) I was just emotionally spent so I broke it off.

Then as luck would have it he was planning a trip to Paris and an engagement ring!

I’ve just done a “have you fallen out of love” quiz and it says that i’m apparently holding on by a thread.

I find that some days I wake up and feel ok but a deep sadness, my biggest issue atm is that I feel physically sick and don’t have much of an appetite. I think its because I rocked the boat.

Anyway I’m going to send him an email explaining stuff and see where it leads. But I’m going to be strong and be factual rather than emotional.

Ill read through the thread and catch up

– V

Hi Shelby,

I think we need to sit down or talk (ideally in person) about we each of us wants. I tried to do this with him before but he didn’t understand why I wanted him to write down 5 future goals he has because he didn’t realise that I was having serious doubts.

I agree with needing clarity. I think him understanding why is kind of pointless unless it changes anything, I’m going to write the email anyway, or just write a journal entry and sit on it.

Thank you for your feedback,

– V

Shelby,

yeah i agree with that. Sorry im waiting for his reply, then im ordering pizza and i’ll reply properly (aka acknowledge your posts) (:

– V

@shelbyville,

You want to contact him because it is the last thread you’re holding on to of what was. Unconsciously, there is that hope in the back of your mind that maybe if you do contact him and be honest about your struggle or how you’re feeling he will tell you he feels the same and that perhaps you should just be together because it is too painful.

In times like this, you need to sit down and reflect. Take him off the pedestal and remember why the relationship didn’t or wouldn’t work anyway. As horrible as it is, list out all of the reasons why you weren’t compatible (i.e you would never get from him what you want in terms of progress so in the end you’d be held back and unhappy and he would be under pressure to move forward and unhappy).

It is a frustrating situation because in my head I think if he loves me, then why is it so difficult for him to commit to progress in making a life/future with me?! Surely this should come naturally no? It has for me! But unfortunately we can’t change people’s wants/needs and some just aren’t capable of giving us what we need, regardless of how much that hurts!

You have been doing ever so well! If we can’t accept the current circumstances, we must at least try and trust the process a little bit! Believe me, if you and your ex are meant to speak at some point, you will.