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Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up

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  • September 28, 2020 at 7:52 am #367341
    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Tim,

    I do have a dog…well he’s at home with my Dad, but he’s Dad’s best friend. I honestly know how it feels, we have lost our dogs in the past and it has taken a toll each time. I see my Dad now with our dog and they are inseparable and I dread to think of the day when old age will take him away before Dad is ready to let him go, but I’m eternally grateful for the love and companionship he gives to Dad and the unconditional love he gives to me whenever I arrive home after the week’s work. Animals are incredible and add so much value to our lives. It is natural and honest that you feel this loss now. Take care and be well.

    I’m working from home these days due to Covid restrictions, well working in the new guys apartment. It seems to be going fine for now but we’ll see how it goes. At the weekend he asked me to be his girlfriend, fully committed and I also met his parents. We had a nice weekend and I enjoyed it, but my mind and feelings never stay static for long and inevitably if I notice one off-hand remark or one time he doesn’t cuddle me when I want him to, I got down the rabbit hole in my head. Im aware of it and am trying to work on it, so we’ll see what happens.

    I’m really not loving my job but don’t know what to do, this is only my 5th week in it, but I’m already seeing that it’s a tough work environment and perhaps not the best culture in there either. But I’m not a quitter either so I’m going to keep going and do my best and see how I feel around Chrismtas.

    Rhaenys,

    Weddings are tough. They are so stark sometimes is showing us what we feel like we might be missing. I have always gone to weddings almost my entire life without a partner until I met my ex. People would always expect me to be alone and I’d be seated with lots of friends and their partners, who I also got on very well with, so it became a cool thing and I used to really enjoy weddings on my own with no-one to ‘mind’ etc. Then I met my ex and we went to weddings together and I liked that feeling of having someone there with me so after we split, weddings were a little more difficult again and I seemed to lose that laissez faire feeling. They can be lonely now. Probably because I’m older now too I guess.

    But the day you had dreaded for 2 months is over now. The worst has passed. It’s behind you and you can move on now. I know you’re being hard on yourself for how you felt on Saturday, but honestly, you’re human. It’s okay to give yourself a break. We do the best we can most of the time. Keep planning things in the future with friends or family or even by yourself, if it’s only going for a walk and hopefully bit by bit, life will start to fell better.

    September 28, 2020 at 10:27 am #367349
    Tim
    Participant

    Thank you for your kind condolences. I couldn’t agree more pets are just like family sometimes even better because you get to choose them!! In regards to yourself you are aware of your pattern and want to work on yourself, that takes a lot of courage. Kudos to you for taking the approach to look inwardly and deal with your issues not many do that. This will help you tremendously as you’ve broken the first pattern of needing an immediate void filler. Therapy will take time and many sessions but to get the best out of therapy listen to the therapist but also use your own judgement and intellect. That is when you will become more self sufficient, strong and not passive to red flags. If you have doubts about your treatment or the progress you’ve made challenge your therapist, take up those doubts forthrightly with the therapist. If you are not making progress and continue to repeat mistakes or patterns, it means something is amiss. Sometimes it takes different method of therapy, different therapist etc.  There will be bad days amongst the good but commit to self improvement and it will come. Good luck @Rhaenys!


    @Shelbyville    , your understanding of my loss reflected you must be an animal lover. Dogs really are a man’s best friend. Your father is lucky, I hope his dog remains with him for many years. I’m trying to be positive and Rupert would not want me moping, but it takes a huge readjustment. I miss the daily walks and the affection when I came home etc. It’s a new week, I need to keep pressing ahead with this new momentum to honour Rupert’s help during my dark phase and try not to get stuck in a new rut!

    Prior to Rupert’s passing I was planning on proposing to my partner, after her incredible emotional support over this period, I feel even more sure in my decision. His loss and redundancy really took its toll to the point I’ve needed ssri’s again. I’m tapering the dosage now but I wanted some advice or ideas from the ladies so please do give suggestions. Hoping to feel better and make it special for her.

    It is apparent some of your anxiety is arising from job unsatisfaction. Usually I’d say if something continues to makes you unhappy or brings unease it’s time to quit. Learning when to quit, for the sake of your own happiness is a key part of character growth. However, making this type of decision to quit a job for internal peace is compounded by the current climate and uncertainty economically. Unless you can secure another job that you are passionate about quickly or can afford to financially be off work, I’d say grit it and bear it for now. The stress associated with no income coming in and having financial commitments is heck of lot worse!

    It’s good to hear your weekend has been great and your new boyfriend has shown through ACTION he is serious and ready for commitment. Meeting the parents this early is encouraging too. How does this make you feel? Has staying with him during the week now that you WFH and the commitment abated the anxiety? Have you now shared the mental health issues you deal with?

    If you still feel you are going down a rabbit hole then it’s fear of something, look inwards, ask yourself some questions. You are the only one with the key to unlock the answers. I can give you prompts if you want that I asked myself in past relationships. The first one being;

    What scares you the most?

    Relationships are a risk. So if you enter one with an open heart you have already unwittingly accepted the risk of heartbreak. Scary? Believe me I know, especially when I’ve experienced an extreme reaction to a relationship ending but I also survived, as have you.Trying to control an outcome in a new relationship never works. Why? Relationships require two people. The only control you have is of your own thoughts, feelings and actions. It’s simpler than we think but we make it difficult because of the games and ridiculous advice spewed by “love gurus” which just encourages manipulation and the pretense of control.

    Through your actions be brave enough to express to someone who you really are and that you want them. If they value you and want you they’ll reciprocate that action making you feel secure. If they don’t make you feel secure there’s a reason. The reason is never you are not enough. It is always because you are not the right fit together.

    Time will always reveals what foundations a relationship or connection is formed on if they are shaky or built on lust the relationship will not last. The truth of the situation will always present itself. Don’t be afraid to invest some time but be aware and confident to walk away if needs are not being met time and time again.

    September 28, 2020 at 11:50 pm #367374
    Rhaenys
    Participant

    @Shelbyville and @Tim, thank you so much for your support.

    Shelbyville, I’m really glad it’s going so good with you and the new guy, congrats! Maybe you just needed to relax a bit… It also gives me hope in a way.

    About your job, I agree it’s a good plan for you to wait and see how it’s going, maybe until Christmas.

    Tim, I have cats (2), but I love dogs too, I love Animals. When younger, I wanted to have a dog, but we lived in the appartment and parents didn’t wan’t dogs in appartment, and then my mom agreed on cats… I love them and they are really support for me. And I also experienced a loss years ago.

    About proposing, wow, that’s really nice and brave of you how you appreciate her, you are really an amazing boyfriend. I don’t really have an advice… I guess if I love someone, I would just appreciate it for the act, and wouldn’t care that much how he did it (it doesn’t have to be on a trip, on the top of the Eiffel tower or something similar). May I ask how long are you together?

    I really agree with the part you said abou how every relationship is a risk… You guys also gave me not just support today, but hope, since you also experienced break up and grew stronger from it. I guess soon after break ups it may seem it will never get better, but it will, and that happened to me too, more times before.

    I’ve been better yesterday and today. I seem to need a lot of rest and sleep lately so I do that, and I sleep pretty good most of the times. Work is a bit hard, I’m not inspired at all. It actually has a potential and it’s not easy or boring, but human relations are not the best and I’m just not inspired by it these days. But I don’t want to make any harsh change now, I think I will let it be and wait if maybe an opportunity arises, instead of actively seeking new job just yet, in this circumstances.

    Also, these Covid times make it hard of me, since I don’t see many opportunities to go somewhere or meet people, which seems I have a need for now. My friends mostly don’t go as much out, since they are mostly in relationships, so I’m thinking of reaching to some other people maybe. Not anything risky of course, all events are under measures anyway.

     

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Rhaenys.
    October 1, 2020 at 9:01 am #367453
    Sammy
    Participant

    Dear All,

    There’s been so much to read through and great advice I hope to apply to myself, I apologise for letting my emotions get the better of me. I’m human and succumbed to the drink which always results in self-pitying behavior. Rhaenys, I hope you are doing well and therapy has started to improve your outlook, as Tim said you have nothing to apologise or feel guilty for, I just needed some time to pull myself together before I inflicted the poison inside of me on anyone.


    @Tim

    I’m so saddened and so sorry I was not there to offer any comfort or alleviate some of the pain you have been experiencing over Rupert’s passing. You have been an amazing listening ear and help to me over the last few months, I thank you deeply for that, I’m sorry for taking granted and displaying selfishness in not recognising that everyone is dealing with something. During the turbulent time you’ve had I wasn’t able to repay your kindness but I hope I can rectify my behavior now.

    How are you? I hope Rupert’s memories are keeping his spirit alive and pushing you to heal. I’m so excited to hear about your plans to propose! That is amazing news, the hard work and inner reflection you’ve done has paid off. Reading how wonderful and supportive your partner makes my heart warm because you deserve that. Someone who makes you feel special. You’ve displayed so much kindness and I know she will be just as lucky. Tell us more about her, does she like grand gestures? Love language? Excited for you and hope this gives you happiness at a time of grief.


    @Tim     & @Shelbyville
    You’re right I am determined and sharp, my friends always reach out to me for help and advice.

    I somehow desperately lack objectivity when it comes to myself. Deep inside, my fragile heart and emotions always overcome me in relationships. I’m not as strong as I believed, I thought I needed rigidity, order, and tough love to overcome this heartbreak but I just needed a warmth, embraces, and self-love. I’ve had that unexpectedly from family and friends who reached out without asking over the last week and it has been great for me. It was much-needed attention at a time I was crying out for help silently by drinking my sorrows away.

    I’ve restarted trying to remain sober, trying to be kind to myself and say it was just a blip. I’m working on regulating my emotions. Any tips? My ex has somehow found out I had been self-isolating and showed concern by asking through his sister who I have stayed casually in contact, I have had no contact directly since March, I know nothing about his personal life now but I feel a need to see my ex as there are a lot of suppressed things needing to be released, I don’t think it is an attempt to get back with him, I don’t believe he can give me what I deserve but until I see him I’d never know. Is this wise to do?


    @Shelbyville

    I also want to thank you tremendously for showing me support when I was having a crisis. Thank you for putting your issues aside and focusing on me and encouraging me with kindness not to be so harsh on myself for the blip. I’m sorry for the self-pity, I had felt I had tried to help when Kkasxo was not here, but my advice about the new guy had let you down. I see now you were more concerned about my alcohol intake.

    Those wounds left by heartbreak are not visibly locatable but cut much deeper than we think! The dejection and holes it creates are difficult but we are trying and if we knuckle down and work on loving ourselves, we will triumph.

    I read you are a girlfriend now, what a turnaround!! I’m so happy to read you have been proven wrong and by the sounds of it let Martha make you think the worst. I hope your anxiety has relieved as a result. Now that you have relaxed enough and spending time together over the week, you will be able to accurately gauge if he is right for you and meets your needs. Has the initial romance returned?

    I did notice now that I’m not drunk, you randomly contacted your ex around the original 2-year breakup mark – yes I’m astute! What made you do that whilst in a new relationship? Luckily for you, it confirmed you were over him otherwise could have caused all sorts of issues.

    I’m inclined to agree with Tim about your job, the pandemic has really screwed a lot up so you don’t need the extra worry of being out of work. Shit work is better than no work, keeps the boat afloat. Unless you are secure enough to be without then quit!

    Hope these last 10 days have been better and tablets have taken the edge off! x

    October 4, 2020 at 3:56 pm #367541
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Tim or @Shelbyville I know it’s the weekend but are you still there/active?

    October 5, 2020 at 5:13 am #367560
    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Hi Sammy,

    How are you doing? Is your period of self isolation over yet? Hopefully it has and the worst of the weather has passed so you can get out and about again….

    October 5, 2020 at 5:34 am #367561
    Sammy
    Participant

    Hi @Shelbyville,

    It’s good to hear from you, thank you for replying. Again I feel ashamed for my emotional unsteadiness but I’m trying.

    Happy 2-years since making this thread!!!!!!!

    It has helped many, you survived, you did it! It may have been up and down but you battled through, how are you feeling these days, how are you honestly?

    My self-isolation ended last weekend, households are not meant to be mixing but family and friend time was needed to ground me. I’ve been sober 5 days 🙂 small steps! The weather is atrocious so not been for a run yet, but I’ve been WFH, and keeps me productive when I’m not drunk! I needed some perspective, should I re-engage with the ex? (see my earlier post for detail)

     

    October 5, 2020 at 9:46 am #367573
    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Hi Sammy,

    Aw thank you, what a strange two years. It’s a bit mad that so much time has passed and in many ways I feel I’m the same and in many ways I feel I’m nowehere near the same person I was!

    I’m feeling okay currently, I’m not in the new city for work as I’m working from the guy’s place while covid restrictions are in place, so that has helped as the anxiety of a new location and being out of my depth has eased and also trying to navigate a new relationship with distance as a factor was also very anxiety inducing, so this repreive has helped a lot in many ways. But we’ll see, it won’t last forever so I have to carve out a life that works as time goes on.

    I’m so glad you’re out of self isolation – as someone who did it at the start of all of this – I know how headwrecking it can actually be. Even if the weather is bad, maybe run in the rain – wear appropriate clothes and hot shower when home – it might be cathartic! Although you may curse me if you develop a cold and end up having to be tested for covid…..so maybe not!

    WOW…..you have not had a drink in 5 days. That is a wonderful achievement. You are doing really well, keep it up, because if you can do one day you can do another and next thing you know, one or two days turns in to 10 or 20 days. Hang in there, brighter days will come.

    As for the ex, it really isn’t for me to say as we only glean the smallest snippet of someone’s relationship on these threads…so all I can do is maybe give general advice. Most of the time reaching out to an ex doesn’t help. They have made a decision to move on, without you…without us (I know how it feels). While your head may tell you that you have no desire to resurrect the relationship, the loss of it still have a huge impact and it hits wounds that hurt, that need to heal. I have rarely come across a situation where an ex who was the one who did the heartbreaking, was able to help the broken-hearted party heal.

    You can be guaranteed that whatever choice you make, there will be zero judgement from me. I contacted my ex a few times over the years. But at the end of the day, in hindsight, it never helped. He could never fill whatever I needed filled in me. An encounter with him was never going to end satisfactorily, he could be the nicest person in the world but deep down I wanted to be chosen and he had made his choice and it wasn’t me, so any meet-up with him after that would just compound the pain.

    I definitely found myself doing better in the times when there was zero contact and I almost imagined him completely gone from my ether, like he didn’t exist anymore. It helped. But again, your gut will tell you what’s right…even if your heart is over-ruling it – your gut is there deep down.

    Well done again on making it through another day – another achievement – a survivor.

    October 5, 2020 at 3:24 pm #367591
    Tim
    Participant

    @Sammy doll,

    Very pleased to hear from you, I knew you just needed space to recentre yourself. You are a courageous woman, fighting addiction is a war. The many mini battles along the way will try you and we are all human prone to mistakes. Please do not be so harsh on yourself. You are doing great!

    I do not believe you have been selfish at all, you offered to help me equally as much as @Shelbyville, @Lucie and others on this forum. You all showed a great deal of understanding and compassion for Rupert’s loss, which I’m grateful for. Thank you.

    Sometimes we can not make ourselves immediately available to others due our own emotional exhaustion, I understand that. The mark of a good person is when they are in a better space they will reach out, you have done so. Do not carry any guilt. It is a useless emotion in this case.

    Proud of you for continuing your efforts to stay sober. As long as you don’t give up. You’ll reach your goal! Well done and kudos for keeping up the good fight.

    I’m tapering off my dose, so will be slower to reply, whilst acclimatising back to reality. I’m still wanting to correspond but I know you get a little unsettled when it is not regular replies, so I will attempt to regularly reply on Monday’s as a minimum for you. I’m glad some affection from nearest and dearest has pulled you back from the brink. You are loved. Do not forget that when spiralling.


    @Shelbyville     has rightly commented there will be no judgement if you decide to contact your ex. We can advise so you don’t face the pitfalls we did but it’s your own choice. I think @Shelbyville will agree whatever the decision you’ll still take away from it, if not now, further down the line. It is all growth.

    Contacting exes can be a minefield and complex at times. Sometimes it does wonders and can aid healing if you contact mature individuals, other times it sets you right back and hinders progress.

    You have to be prepared to deal with new emotions it may throw up. You will not know how the other person now feels or how they will react. Feelings can change. There’s no right or wrong and you have to do what’s best for you.

    The naysayers will always say someone without self worth reaches out to an ex. An ex is an ex for a reason and any attempt of contact is always an attempt to reconcile.

    However, there are so many variables, I can list a handful of reasons I have reached out without wanting reconciliation.

    GUILT –  from ending a relationship immaturely

    ATONEMENT–  Ashamed of a bad phase, hurt a few women unnecessarily. They were gracious enough to forgive. It healed me and I restarted my love life with intent.

    NOSTALGIA/CARE–  when a genuine emotional bond is formed. You’ll continue to care about the wellness of the other person. They will cross your mind from time to time.  So I have reached out to make sure a one or two exes were doing OK in life and they are happily married. Now that I’m in a LTR I have consulted my partner out of respect and she is happy for us to be acquainted as she knows who my nature.

    BOREDOM – I’m not proud of this but I’ve divulged in ego boosts during the bad phase of my life. The lack of real connection made me address my infantile behaviour as it ate away at me and I realised I was being inauthentic.

    In all the above cases contact was good for me personally as it offered introspection on another level which led to who I am today.

    RECONCILIATION:

    Getting in touch with my first ever ex was a mistake. She never had the EI to understand me. I was in love with idea of her, but she could never meet my  needs. Every contact was an with the intention to reconcile. I should have known it was irretrievably lost after breaking up the first time. Contact just cut the wounds deeper and I almost ruined my life through addictions etc. Eventually I chose to stay away and do no contact indefinitely. I care about her and if we crossed paths I’d happily greet her. She has no space in my life in any capacity, I see now she brought out the worst traits in me and reminding myself of that period of life is painful.

    Just to flip the script, my current partner believe it or not when we met I was going through my player phase, but I felt a real connection, it excited and scared me simultaneously. She had the intuitiveness to see through my facade and was very compassionate and made me stay in good form. I was authentic with her which involved me being emotionally immature, I pressed self destruct before we had even had the chance to be together as a serious couple. She rightly walked away but did so compassionately.

    I needed time to introspect, time to understand that pushing her away was out of deeper feelings for her hence the self sabotage and projections. Therapy really helped here and I gained a better understanding of my behaviour and emotions. I contacted her many month’s later only when I had done the hard graft, she deserved that. I also knew she wouldn’t accept anything less because although humble she was self confident and knew her worth. Timing and luck worked it’s magic.

    At times for the right person it pays off to swallow your pride and contact them. That space where we both grew individually then reunited with intent made us the couple we are today and now I’m planning to propose to her. Therefore no contact forever isn’t applicable to all situations.


    @Rhaenys

    I hope therapy is going well for you. Pets are wonderful addition to family. Maybe you can have a dog one day soon. Their loyalty and companship is often better than a human can offer you!

    Your feedback was very lovely. My partner would be elated with anything too. She isn’t materialistic but she has had an incredible impact in shaping me to be a better man and partner. I shall reflect the gratitude in my proposal by spoiling her rotten.

    We have officially been together for 7 months as a couple. I have known her for almost 2 years in which there was a significant period we had no contact. When we first met we only went as far as 2nd base, as a man I respected her more for this. Her intent was always committed relationship.

    It isn’t the quantity of time you’ve known someone, it is the impact they have and quality of the relationship. In a short time she has had an everlasting change within me and always brought out the best version of me.


    @Shelbyville

    Happy 2nd Year to propelling yourself to become a better, stronger individual. You took a step to help yourself by posting on this forum. In the process you’ve saved many. Kudos to you!

    A toast (Sammy don’t be getting ideas! It’s a cup of tea) to better days ahead, you’ve survived. Be proud and applaud yourself for the hard work you’ve done. Many would rather stagnate but you keep fighting.

    It’s good to read you are feeling stable and anxiety has abated around your relationship and job for now. Anxiety is part of the human condition some of us are more susceptible. It is incurable but with the right tools it can be managed. If you need any help or insight, I’m happy to assist.

    October 6, 2020 at 6:13 am #367602
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Shelbyville You can never change your inner essential essence, and that’s ok, you need to love that part of yourself so others do too. Part of growth is accepting who you are. The people who are often really happy are those who accept all parts of themselves. That inner essential essence is what makes us unique and special. When I think of you at your core I see a very intelligent, soft-hearted, and giving person with perseverance. Those are amazing qualities, why would you want to change them. I believe every good quality has its own drawback so you have to learn to better handle it. I read this whole thread during self-isolation and I definitely see growth, you have become stronger, your confidence is growing and you should be really proud! Sometimes we are in a rush to reach an end goal but we forget that the best parts are often in the journey. We explore new things and meet new people that shape us and we forget to really enjoy that moment. There is always a struggle in growth too, it can get messy and its all part of the journey.

    Don’t you feel so much stronger? You made it through, showing resilience when you took some scary spirals, that should give you hope that you have what it takes to conquer and survive anything – ups or downs!

    Self-isolation is hard on its own but like @Lucie said being in solitary confinement in your mind with all those thoughts is head wrecking!

    Yes, I will curse you if I get COVID or become bed-bound by a cold from running in the rain!! So I’ll resist that advice for now haha!

    Your situation with the new guy appears to be going strong, enjoy it! Don’t plan too far ahead, life always takes its own turns. Live in the moment. Are you happy, having fun and needs being met? You deserve it!

    Thank you for the encouragement it really helps, 6 days today wopdidoo! Bit by bit is what I should focus on right now.

    My ex I have addressed below to both you and Tim.


    @Tim     You’re so kind, I look forward to Mons. Thanks!! I know I can be impatient, I’m working on it! When you are ready I look forward to chinwagging about your next adventure 🙂 from the snippets, I’ve read your missus sounds amazing as you! Thank you for always showing sympathy. Even some of the friends I have known for many years do not show me the understanding you and @Shelbyville have.

    You really did go full circle, I’m happy to read you returned to your real self in relationships, you are incredibly kind and attentive. Traits that real strong women want as you have realised.

    It reflects in your response that real growth was undertaken, you took responsibility for your mistakes and made amends to the people you hurt. It is very easy to say SORRY but I’m glad you put it into action. I’m a big believer in KARMA so it would have come to bite you in the butt if you didn’t haha!

    Thank you @Tim and @Shelbyville for not judging me. I think NOSTALGIA alongside a nagging need for ANSWERS is the reasons, I did not feel the urge to contact him until he enquired about me, reconciliation has not been on my mind for some time now. I don’t know, I don’t want to undo my work in moving on and I just got sober again. In the same breath, I cared about this person, I put so much of my energy into making things better for us, building him up. I still feel I never got a truthful explanation on why he treated me the way he did. I feel like there are loose threads that need tying up which will allow me to heal. Will I get this from him? I’m wary if chemistry arises between us, will I be swayed?

    He decided one evening during dinner, that was it, he pulled the rug from under my feet and walked away. Yes, we had issues but I still felt blindsided. He said his piece and left. Never looking back. I feel there are things he needs to hear. I felt like I meant nothing, I felt dehumanised.

    Many people walk away so easily, with no regard for the other person’s feelings. They assume good people like ourselves are nice and will forgive anyway and heal, they never reflect on the impact of their own actions and the person is left with unnecessary baggage/scars. Not many men are like Tim where they have a conscience and real care to check a person is coping ok after some time. That requires maturity, intelligence, and empathy.

    I’m torn, as I write this I have grown angry and upset. What do I do Tim and Shelby? 🙁

     

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Sammy.
    October 6, 2020 at 6:15 am #367603
    Sammy
    Participant

    @KKasxo Oooh happy birthday! I know we haven’t corresponded much but birthdays are the best and everyone deserves a greeting! I don’t know if you will read this but HB anyway! Many happy returns!

    October 6, 2020 at 2:58 pm #367611
    Kkasxo
    Participant

    @Sammy,

    How very sweet of you to look back and put the pieces together. Who would’ve thought a stranger could have such an impact on another.

    Thank you so much. I am feeling overwhelmed, overflowing with love and just a whole load of emotions right now. My birthday has definitely been a wake up call and one to remember this year.

    Sending you all love, light & strength.

    @Shelbyville    , thinking of you x

    October 7, 2020 at 9:00 am #367638
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Kkasxo Birthdays are just the best, I love my day to be remembered even if it is a belated wish, it actually makes me so sad if I waited on someone to wish it and they didn’t. So I make sure I don’t make someone else feel that! The one day everyone should be shown they are special, no matter who, a stranger, an ex or family, etc if I know it’s their birthday I will never ignore it or fail to wish them a HB at the very least! It can just warm someone’s heart and bring a smile, so it made me teary-eyed you were touched!

    Hope your special day brought you all that your heart desires! I’m glad you were overflowing with love and sound happier 🙂


    @Shelbyville     would love to hear from you, I tried my best to fill your shoes to help but they are big shoes to fill!!!!


    @Shelbyville    , you there? I’m on the edge of re-engaging ..help!!!!

    October 7, 2020 at 8:36 pm #367664
    Tim
    Participant

    @Kkasxo – Happy belated birthday wishes to you!


    @Sammy     doll, I’ve come on very late in the night to express my deepest apologies. I made a commitment which I can’t fulfill. It was very shortsighted of me to commit time and raise your hopes of regular correspondence only to withdraw it so soon. My partner has had some personal circumstances arise and it is my turn to step up for her. I have to respect my limits and need to pull back and not overstretch. I’m very sorry that I will not be posting as I just do not have the capacity to right now. I do not know for how long I will be away from the forum therefore will not make any further promises which may disappoint. I hope you understand. I wanted to offer an explanation.

    Whatever choice you make Sammy, there’s no right or wrong. Take your time and don’t forget you are strong and will overcome any hurdle as long as you keep fighting. I hope @Shelbyville and the rest can keep your spirits lifted and aid your decision.

     

     

    October 8, 2020 at 4:55 am #367680
    Sammy
    Participant

    @Tim That’s ok you don’t need to apologise ever, I appreciate all the help you’ve given. I really hope things improve for you, I know I can be impatient but I do understand you have your own life. I really have been enlightened by your words of wisdom so will miss the correspondence but right now, you need to do you! Thanks for letting me know and good luck, keep fighting too I see only brighter horizons for you ahead!

    I’ll see if @Shelbyville responds over the next few days if not then maybe this forum has reached its peak and can no longer serve me. It may force me to deal with feeling alone one way or another.

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