HomeāForumsāRelationshipsāTrying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up
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October 13, 2018 at 3:22 pm #230763
VictoriaParticipantHi Shelby,
I agree with you. I’ve just spent the day alone and because I have talked to him this week I miss him.
I promise you that you will find joy again. I can’t tell you when or how but I do know that you most likely will wake up one day and just feel lighter with a feeling that you are ready to listen to music again.
Sending hugs!
I love the internet but I keep having 5 tabs open and not really focusing on one thing.
October 13, 2018 at 3:29 pm #230765VictoriaParticipantHi Kkasxo,
I agree with shelby. Congrats on going and getting involved. I can related to seeing couples being all couply whilst your stood there and then the emotions just hit you like a tidal wave. That happened when I went on a night out around two weeks ago now (although the last two weeks have felt like two years) and it didnt ruin my night but lead me to have a little cry before deciding it was the best time to go to bed and id stopped having fun.
It will get easier, cocktails may have been a contributed to it suddenly feeling overwhelming.
You are strong and you can do this! What are the plans for tomorrow? Is it the day they exchange vows? (I have little experience with weddings). Although with my ex his cousin proposed to his girlfriend of 6 months or a year and all I could think was why isnt that us? am I not good enough? Idk if that’s relate-able, anyway, sending hugs and encouragement that you’ll get through it and feel stronger for it ,
V
October 13, 2018 at 3:37 pm #230769
ShelbyvilleParticipantVictoria,
It makes sense that you miss him. I miss my ex dearly and in fact am almost of the verge of contacting him now this very minute. After more than 3 wks of no contact. But I probably wonāt. I do this regularly, think of a good time to make contact etc but when push comes to shove, I back down and donāt do it.
Iām not sure how I will feel in the future, I canāt predict it I guess, but I somehow feel Iām always going to lament the loss of this relationship even if it isnāt as raw anymore.
Thank you for the hugs. I particularly miss those from him! As for the internet, very little holds my interest at the moment, except maybe an Instagram account about cleaning your house!
October 13, 2018 at 3:43 pm #230817VictoriaParticipantShelby,
No don’t do it aha Believe me you’ll just miss him more (speaking from experience). I am currently getting upset over the fact that I have a blue peter badge that I won 8 years ago and I’ve just found out I could have used it to get in to attractions for free…but now I might not be able to use it š I’m finding little things make me irrationally upset at the moment haha
Have you tried any funny animal videos? I distracted myself with those two nights ago because I was thinking about him too much.
At the moment I am realising how many things I want to do and how they include doing them with another person. *sigh*
Is that instagram accoun nikki..something? I think I heard about it and I haven’t even watched it haha
Well done on your willpower (:
October 13, 2018 at 3:51 pm #230843ShelbyvilleParticipantVictoria,
Thats whatās stopping me I think. Itās horrendous now and I miss him, barely coping. Will it be ten times worse if I make contact for absolutely no valid reason! So I donāt.
My brother sent me a bunch of funny videos of that nature but I havenāt gotten round to watching them. (Cos Iām sooooo busy….as if!!)
The insta account is Mrs Hinch Home and genuinely, watching her clean her shower has been the most riveting thing Iāve watch led since the break up!
October 13, 2018 at 3:59 pm #230845VictoriaParticipantShelby,
ah yes! I saw her on Good Morning Britain or something like that, I will check her out at some point.
I agree, and its so easy to find a reason. I did the other day but when he replied I was like “hang on why did I want to speak to him again” turns out I just wanted some validation but it has made the urge to contact/try again worse.
That was lovely of your brother (: My own, hasn’t reached out or answered any of my calls š it really sucks when you don’t have your family’s support. The only person who’s contacted me is my mum but that doesn’t really help because I know deep down shes gloating, I need genuine interest and concern rn.
I know that the urge is only there because I’m tired so maybe I might go to bed. I’m waiting for my appetite to come back as I haven’t been eating the best diet which isn’t helping.
I’m currently aimlessly browsing at stuff on groupon and finding coupons. Its not very interesting but its stopping me messaging him.
– V
October 13, 2018 at 6:03 pm #230849
KkasxoParticipantHiya ladies,
Yes tomorrow is the day the two love birds tie the knot! Iām looking forward to the ceremony although mostly Iām just looking forward to the following day and flying back home and back to my bed!
Iām finding my mind wandering off at the moment to what he may be doing right now, who he may be entertaining and itās breaking my heart. F**k, I really donāt want to live without this man! Why doesnāt he just fix up?! The thought of him with someone else is actually making me feel physically sick and I donāt even know why my brain allows these thoughts to wander around!
Sorry if I sound soppy right now! Iām having a particularly hard time with all this! I feel like Iāve been so brave and rational headed in the days upcoming to what wouldāve been our anniversary and now Iām just getting worse with each day!
October 13, 2018 at 9:07 pm #230857VictoriaParticipantKkasxo,
breath, stay strong, it’ll be ok you’ll be back at home and in bed soon enough! I don’t what I can say except same, my bf and I had an open relationship but when I thought of him sleeping with someone else I too felt physically sick at that thought.
If its near your anniversary no wonder you are feeling like you aren’t making progress. You are, but its also important for you to allow yourself to be sad and recognise that it may be a few painful days but you WILL survive it.
Sending my best wishes
October 13, 2018 at 9:10 pm #230859VictoriaParticipantHi,
I had a panic attack earlier and urgently messaged my ex to see if he was ok, I dont know why my brain was telling me he wasn’t.
I then went onto a site where he had changed his relationship status about me which I was prepared for, so I have been active on that site messaging others, I suppose showing that I can be active too. But now I feel petty and bad for messaging anyone. Especially as I can’t sleep, my head aches, my heart aches and I’m bored.
Again, sending hugs and luck for tomorrow!
October 13, 2018 at 11:40 pm #230863ShelbyvilleParticipantKkasxo,
Normal. Itās all completely normal. Itās 3.5 wks since my break up with zero contact and zero hope of reconciliation and I spent hours last night debating wouldI text him. I didnāt in the end, because I was afraid. Afraid it would set me back, itās tough enough at the moment, not to spiral further.
So my advice is, donāt do it. I know you really really really want to, but just remember, it will make you feel worse. And you feel pretty bad as it is. Do you really want to feel worse? DONT think about him with anyone else. Thatās one of my triggers for panic attacks and nausea, so basically, if the thought arises, just say ānot nowā and move on to something else.
A wedding was always going to be tough to deal with, but youāve survived one day havenāt you? You CAN survive another one. Youāre in bits, but youāre surviving. You can survive without your ex.
Victoria,
Im so sorry you had a panic attack, I know how horrible they are. For me, I get them when emotion bubbles up and needs release, like pain for example. So maybe itās necessary to sit with the pain and upset and panic until it passes rather than reaching for the phone to get him to alleviate it. I suppose itās about trying to self sooth in a way. Here I am giving advice I find difficult to implement myself! So do t worry, I know how hard it can be.
Dont feel bad for contacting him, youāre human and doing the best you can. Just try and get by today as best you can.
S x
October 14, 2018 at 1:24 am #230865KkasxoParticipantHiya both,
Hope youāre okay and all anxiety has passed this morning?!
No changes on my end. I am getting my hair done and slowly getting ready for the wedding and I must emotionally I am not down for it at all. At the same time, Iām getting so tired of being unable to accept the end of my relationship and hurting that he doesnāt reach out or doesnāt show up wanting to change things! Heās clearly getting on with his life.. why is that not so simple for me?!
Last night at the cocktail party all of our favourite songs came on and I pictured us on the dance floor, enjoying one another like we always have and the nostalgia kicked in.
I really want to at least accept that this is the end and that there is no more hope for us. I want to be able to rationalise with myself when having times like these and say āI know you miss him, Iām acknowledging the hurt BUT whatās done is done. So, whatās next?!ā And just get on with the rest of my day!
Honestly, I really did underestimate heart break before this!
October 14, 2018 at 1:33 am #230867ShelbyvilleParticipantKkasxo,
Youāre not accepting it. Itās just not where you are at. I asked my therapist how do I feel better and he replied that Iād feel better when I start to move on. When I asked how I move on, he said it doesnāt work like that. You canāt force yourself to accept, you canāt force yourself to move on. Itās happens when it happens as part of the process.
Im 3.5 wks out now and I still havenāt accepted it, so technically youāve only had a few days yet, so itās raw. I get hurt too when I donāt wake up to an āIām sorryā text. I really want him to change his mind, but he hasnāt.
That doesnāt stop me wanting to contact him however, despite all that. In fact, Iām pretty sure Iām going to contact him this morning as I feel, Iāve not been resisting to try and move on and away from the breakup, I feel like Iām inevitably going to contact him at some stage, so each day is merely delaying the inevitable.
Its torture listening to your favourite songs, but just grit your teeth and get through it as best you can. You are where you are, you miss him dearly because he was/is everything to you. Donāt beat yourself up because you canāt make yourself accept it. Apparently we will accept it. In time.
S x
October 14, 2018 at 4:10 am #230871ShelbyvilleParticipantOk,
I have a confession. I texted him earlier. I succumbed as I expected I would eventually. It is what it is and I guess I knew I had to get it out of my system. It felt like a pressure boiler about to burst and I knew it would at some stage.
He has not responded, which is probably for the best. For those who have been in a similar situation, can you tell me what is the best way to manage this now? I donāt want to feel Iāve bewn set back, even though I was well aware of what I was doing when I sent the text.
Can anyone who has been in a similar situation with an ex, provide some tips to just get me back on road to recovery? Thanks
October 14, 2018 at 9:39 am #230909VictoriaParticipantHi Shelby,
I feel you, I may have done the same thing and I too haven’t got a reply. The problem is now we’ve contacted them we want them to reply just so we know they got the message.
One thing I was thinking about, because I regret messaging him last night and I am annoyed at myself because he updated a social media site I forgot even had a relationship status on it, so it kind of threw me.
Only because you have messaged though doesnt mean it’ll be a massive set-back, you could just be set-back for a day. I would carry on with your day as if you havent messaged your ex and if they message deal with it, if not just try to keep distracted.
– V
October 14, 2018 at 9:53 am #230915VictoriaParticipantHi Shelby,Ā Kkasxo,
I’m at a weird place right now about the whole breakup, because I went on this site where he had updated his relationship status. The site in question is linked to a particular lifestyle choice I tried to be open about but just couldn’t seem to accept it without getting jealous or feeling insecure.
I know that I broke up with him, but all I really wanted was a break in the first place and after seeing him change his relationship status and update his profile I kind of retaliated and updated mine to but I had no reason to except due to boredom and I felt a twinge, like he changed it without telling me for it to affect me. I don’t think any of that made sense. What’s worse is now we aren’t together I feel like ironically I could be involved in that lifestyle change because to me it always sent the message “this is best if single” and “this person is better than you”.
Equally at the same time I felt rage because if he wasn’t involved in this lifestyle choice I don’t think we would be where we are today, instead I might still be in love with him or at least have the strong feeling that I believe it when I tell him I love him.
I feel so selfish.
@Kkasxo ,Ā “Heās clearly getting on with his life.. why is that not so simple for me?!” I have been feeling this so much the past few days, I feel like every activity I do something reminds me of him and I feel like hes getting on with things fine. But it could be because hes doing the same routine.“Honestly, I really did underestimate heart break before this!” – same, but I couldnt stay in a relationship that had so much baggage, but then I love him and its for better or worse isnt it :/
“I really want to at least accept that this is the end and that there is no more hope for us” – im trying to do this but my brain keeps telling me reasons why I should contact and that even though I broke up with him my silly brain wants him to message me or something and give me a reason to change my mind.
I know we aren’t in the same position so I feel like a fraud saying that I can relate, but its strange I feel like the one who dumped him but almost his emotional distance is causing me to feel like he dumped me, idk.
I hope everyones afternoon was better, I’ve just got back from the library where I wrote notes but I don’t think I cared about any of them, just trying to distract myself.
-V
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