Dear loveleebabe”

Thank you for your empathy, I appreciate it very much. And I am sorry as well that you had an abusive mother and are having an abusive wife. Often an abused child, and you were an abused child, grows up damaged and ends up in future abusive situations. And you are in one. So as to your question with an exclamation mark (not really a question): “How in the hell did I marry an abusive woman!”- well, unfortunately it happens often enough: you get used to being abused as a child and you tolerate it later, being used to it, not knowing a difference, how it can be otherwise.

This is why I think that counseling will help you a lot, to come to believe that you don’t deserve abuse, that you deserve to be respected, that you deserve empathy and respect… and that it feels good, and is more important by far than the conveniences you have where you live.

If you don’t want to go to a women’s shelter, maybe you can contact them regarding therapy available for abused women? I mean, you are an abused woman. Maybe look at the Free Resources above (click Home)? You got to get some help so to stop being abused…!!!

anita

Dear “trapped yet comfortable” loveleebabe:

I understand trapped-yet-comfortable. So as long as you are comfortable, you will stay in the situation. Why would I urge you to exit a comfortable situation (I am asking myself)?

And trying to answer my own question as I type: …wrong question. The right question is: should I try to talk someone into leaving a comfortable situation? My answer: no, because that would be a waste of time and effort. People don’t leave comfortable.

So as long as you are comfortable, you will stay. There has always be discomfort in life, even if and when you leave. The choice is not between the life you have and peace-and-happiness when you leave. There is always struggle, in healing itself.

If you chose to leave, it would be leaving behind a struggle that takes you nowhere better in your mind and life and choosing a struggle that takes you to a better place in your mind and life.

Going back to the title of your thread: a tricky choice, isn’t it? Between struggle… and struggle?

anita

Dear loveleebabe:

If I give you a push in the direction of the exit door, so you leave this place where you live, and you are on the streets, or in a shelter, or elsewhere, and suffering, in great distress, will I be there to hold your hand? To take you in where it is warm and comfortable and loving?

Unfortunately, I will not. I will still be sitting here on my recliner, with the computer on my lap, typing.

This is why it is not responsible for me to push you, to pressure you to leave. Because I won’t be there with you, in person, once you leave, to help you.

I too lived in abusive homes as an adult. I left at times but ended in other abusive living situations. This is another reason why it won’t make sense for me to push you. If and when you leave, you have to heal and continue to heal so indeed to get to a way better state of mind and life. The journey is long.

Please do post anytime.

anita

Dear loveleebabe:

Thank you and looking forward to your next post.
anita