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transference vs. connection?

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • December 24, 2017 at 6:07 am #183369
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hi All and happy holidays!

    In the past year I have been more selective in the relationships I have allowed in my life, trying to work on those that seem based on mutual respect and effort. Recently, however, I have felt drawn towards some people and the pull is very strong. Because of the strong pull, I cant be clear about the interactions, I just want to spend more time with them. I do know that around them I tend to be more honest and in touch with myself. I am unsure if I am transferring stuff onto them and should therefore withdraw or if I feel connected (and hence its safe to spend time with them).

    What do you guys think?

     

    December 24, 2017 at 6:20 am #183373
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear greenshade:

    Thank you for the happy wishes. When you wrote that you are not “clear about the interactions”, do you mean you are not clear about whether there is “mutual respect” in them?

    anita

    December 24, 2017 at 8:13 am #183387
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hi Anita!

    I think the mutual respect is there. I just end up confused afterwards about whether I can trust these people to be around or not. I would like them to be, but I don’t know. Also, I don’t want to pursue the situation if I’m transferring stuff.

    December 24, 2017 at 8:59 am #183391
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear greenshade:

    Mutual respect is a good, good ting. Will they be around or not- time will tell, right?

    Confused about “transferring stuff”- transferring what?

    anita

    December 24, 2017 at 9:18 am #183401
    greenshade
    Participant

    Well I’m not sure, but I don’t know how else to explain the strength of the pull other than some sort of transference! Maybe they’re similar to parents in some way and I’m being drawn to the familiar?

    December 24, 2017 at 10:57 pm #183487
    VJ
    Participant

     I am unsure if I am transferring stuff onto them and should therefore withdraw 

    or if I feel connected (and hence its safe to spend time with them).

     

    In either of the cases, see if you are in touch with yourself during these interactions.

    Below is a quote from Eckhart when read and understood deeply are interconnected and has several meanings within itself and an answer to both sides of the doubts.

    “When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.” ~Eckhart Tolle

    December 25, 2017 at 5:08 am #183501
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear greenshade:

    Transference is a strong inclination, happens without our choosing. People who experience an attraction, or that pull you mentioned, toward abusive others because of transference experience it because, let’s say, as children they were very attached to an abusive parent and very motivated to change that abusive parent from abusive to loving.

    Regardless of the pull you mentioned, keep in mind your thoughtful resolution to be “more selective in relationships… work on those that seem based on mutual respect and effort”- and when you observe lack of respect and reasonable effort from the other person, resist that pull and operate instead for your best interest.

    anita

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