Ever since I was dumped after a long term relationship about a year ago, which I have since gotten over, I seem to continuously emotionally attach myself to people without realising. It has taken me a few dates each lasting a few months with some space in between before I realised each time that I wasn’t ready for committment, because of some deep-seated feeling that after my last long-term relationship I didn’t have enough of “myself” back, if that makes sense.

This wasn’t immediately apparent, on a surface level my ego convinced me “well, they’re somehow not good enough” but after it happening a few times I realised it was me that was the problem. It’s not just about reciprocation either, I’ve identified that I simply want someone to express myself to on a deeply intimate intellectual / emotional / sexual level, and any reciprocation serves to validate my feelings and self-worth on some level, including the joy of seeing them happy.

I don’t think there’s nothing inherently wrong with this kind of dynamic, I believe it’s how most relationships function, however when I’m in these relationships a great deal of my contentment becomes very conditional and when they’re unable to validate me – which is clearly not their fault as I am responsible for my own emotions – I spiral down into depression and have great feelings of neediness & negativity. Clearly this doesn’t make for truly loving relationships (which are based on non-judgemental acceptance) or a good quality of life.

So that begs the question – how do I transcend this? Is it even possible? What are the alternatives? I’ve developed different hobbies but they don’t fill the same void that other people do.

Thanks all.