Thanks Anita for taking the time to read my post and reply. I’m an only child and my parents divorced when I was 2. I lived with my mom until I was around 10 and then lived with my dad for a few years and then moved in with my grandmother at age 13 until I got married when I was 19. My mom was young and over the years she partied a lot and that always seemed more important and my dad eventually started drinking bad and is an alcoholic. It took years but I do finally have the relationship I needed with my mom. I needed it a lot younger and other times through my life but it’s way better now. My dad has been in and out and we have not talked in about a year now, which I’m use to.     I had our first child at age 21. Was married 16 years and we had 4 kids together. Eventually it led to a nasty divorce, which was devastating to me. I stayed way too long with a man that had anger problems and would just snap. We did not argue and fuss like I do with my current fiance, but when we did it was usually bad. My ex also had problems  dealing with his sexual orientation and would often hide his porn and fantasies etc from me and I think it caused a lot of his anger because he held a lot inside. Eventually his anger turned towards our kids and I made him leave. I do resent him and hate that it split our family up. It’s been 5 1/2 years and its still hard trying to raise 4 kids. He gets our youngest two every other weekend and that’s pretty much it. Our two oldest do not have anything to do with him. My ex husband had a really bad up bringing also and he has some deeper issues. Almost similar to my current partner and I do not know why I fall for this type. My partner now can be so loving and sensitive sometimes and we can have the best connection but all the other drama is soooo much to deal with. It’s almost like I’m having to raise him also in ways. I know I need someone that is ready and can bring what I bring to the table. I need someone to love me and my kids and help and support me, someone to emotionally be available to me and my needs and the kids. I feel like he can do that but he is so stuck on what he needs also and can be selfish at times almost. This is his first time really having a vehicle in his name and doing real grown up stuff so he thinks he should be praised and everyone be proud when I’m too busy trying to raise kids, work full time, take care of everyones daily needs, and hold life together. So of course when things are not going well between us and we are fussing everyday he feels like a failure and nothing he does is good enough. He does not help with the kids that much as he feels like they don’t listen and I let them get away with too much. Which is probably true because I felt horrible after my divorce. I was the only comfort for them when my world was also torn apart by threads so I have been trying to get all that back in control also. My thing is he has never experienced raising children and he has good logic and ideas of how to get them back on track but he also can be stern and over react to a lot of things so he has just decided to pull away until he can figure out his place in this family he says. But yes Anita I feel like I’m in pain either way I go. He does help in ways and in ways he makes things more difficult. I know we are not in a healthy relationship but I will suffer from the pain and depression if we split up almost worse than what I’m dealing with now. I know what needs to be done and I have a feeling what my therapist will suggest today but the detachment just seems overbearing. I’ve told so many women and friends not to stay in a relationship that does not add value and growth and here I am.