You seem to be in a very bad place. Please don’t take this the wrong way but I honestly believe based off of what you have written that your family is really just trying to help and that I love you very much. To be honest the hardest thing for parents to do is to take their child out on her own so that’s probably why they don’t do it because they love you. I understand that things are hard but please try to see things through their eyes. To explain the boys behavior most men will try to avoid conflict and I see it coming. So I don’t think that they are ignoring you or your problem. If I struck a nerve I’m sorry I’m only trying to help. Again I’m only basing this off of information that you have gien me so I may not have enough to make a judgement call. But I know what it’s like to see everyone else’s. The enemy when you’re having problems yourself. And I’! not judging I have my own problems I’m going with as well but if I can help I will. Have a great day

I’m really sorry for the pain you are in. I left home quite young (shortly after my 16th birthday) largely because of an emotionally unbearable home life. Feeling trapped in this way by family is excruciatingly painful. If it is any consolation whatsoever, I am now 36 and have reached peace with the state of things. It has been a painful passage but in my case, worth the effort. I did cut off contact in my early 20s, and the relationship resumed when I was 24, and it WAS better after gaining distance.

I am not sure if you are looking for outside opinions so will refrain from offering any (unless you ask)! I just wanted to voice that while it is a difficult decision to make, distance from what feel like toxic familial relationships can be very helpful in the long run. When I compare my mental & emotional health now, to when I was 19, the difference is so remarkable. The key, for me, was removing focus on “what they were doing to me” and tuning in to what I could do for myself, to heal myself.

All the best to you,
Chris

I think a lot of people can relate to you, myself included. For a long time I resented my parents for all of my emotional difficulties stemming from problems at home. I expected them to make it up to me somehow, and when they didn’t change, I became very bitter. I slowly learned that expecting others to change is not the answer. Your family members are human beings and they may not be able to show you love the way you need them to. They are not perfect. Try to look at things objectively. I know it may be difficult and painful for you but I think the best thing you can do right now is try not to dwell on the problems with your family. Focus on improving yourself with hobbies, exercise, whatever you enjoy. Incorporate healthy changes into your life to keep things interesting. Move out when you can afford it. These are just suggestions; they have helped me deal with my problems so they might help you too. Good luck! You are on the right track.

Hi everyone, I really hope your situations have gotten better by now, or rather, that you are not letting your toxic families get to you.

My story is very similar to some of yours. I was out of home as soon as I found a job abroad, at the age of 23. My mother, who has an undiagnosed mental illness, stopped talking to me, as I would no longer be her escape route anymore. She used to blame her unhappiness on me and the fact that she had to give up all the things she liked (except smoking, not even pregnant did she give up) because I was born. Herself and my dad (both are bow retired) were teachers in the town I grew up, where they still live. They were loved at work and by all the people who knew our family, yet they didn’t have any friends. They both were very different people at home with my brother and myself than they were outside our home. My dad was the kind of teacher who is funny and cool, yet at home not a day went by without slapping me at the age of 5 for accidentally spilling a glass of water, or yelling at me for getting good marks in an exam.

I was bullied in highschool and they blamed everything on me, because I was “geeky” (I’m a doctor now) and didn’t make friends with the cool girls who smoked or drank. They wanted me to be “normal”.

My younger brother and I were very close as kids, but in our teenage years, my parents started playing him against me. He had a lot of friends and my parents encouraged him to go out drinking until all hours by the age of 14. They kept on comparing us until the point where he was embarrassed to be known as my brother and started joining them in their yelling at me. Divide and conquer I guess was the strategy back then. The sad part is he had an alcohol problem by the age of 18. To my parents, this was great because they got to help him get out of it, which meant he was even more dependent on them.

I lived abroad for 11 years and still hate the fact that 5 years ago, I returned close to where they live, to get married and start my own family. I work as a doctor, but my parents feel embarrassed to tell people who know them, so they tell them I work “at a hospital”. They are also embarrassed I don’t leave my children with my mom and take them to daycare instead.

My biggest concern is that sometimes after visiting my parents and my brother – who has married a lady who is kind of like my mom and tells him even what to wear every day, I feel really bad. They have changed and are now more calm, but I still see their true nature at times and it scares me that their ways may affect how I relate to my children and other people.

I know everyone’s situation is unique, but would you find it easy to cut all ties with your family? I try to visit as little as once per week but they try to visit my home, my kid’s school. My mother even asked my eldest child about his friends and where they lived.

I feel scared and my husband thinks we have nothing to worry about, but I still think I need therapy and to get away from my family of origin…