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- This topic has 23 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 11 months ago by
Anonymous.
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November 26, 2015 at 1:20 pm #88356
AnonymousGuestDear Unavailable:
If you ever need or want more of my input, please post and I will respond. If you want others input but not my own, please let me know and I will NOT respond. It will be okay if you add something to a future post (or to this thread below): “anita, please do not respond/ comment”- I will be okay with it and respect your position. I know it wouldn’t make you feel good to write what I have written. I was thinking about your long term well being, not your immediate feeling. All the best to you:
anita
November 26, 2015 at 2:15 pm #88359AnonymousGuestDear Unavailable:
I was thinking of you when eating and had to write you again- if you didn’t write yet for me to not respond. I felt empathy for your pain in the last post and wish so much that I could help you. I am a stranger to you here, but I am absolutely honest with you as far as my understanding and my life experience. I was thinking, if there is someone wise you can talk to before you commit to her, someone older AND wiser you can talk to IN PERSON, maybe you can do that?
You hate feeling badly, don’t you? My interest is that you will not feel badly again and again after making a choice that will work against you.
I do not know your girlfriend, if she has what it takes, the courage, the persistence to work on her healing. Please do not get into a situation that is likely to drag you down day in and day out.
Please talk to someone, not just anyone before you make a final kind of move.
Write me more, or not; write me to not respond to you anymore, if you’d like.
Your best interest is on my mind:
anitaNovember 26, 2015 at 11:05 pm #88396
TriangleSunParticipantLove is an amazing feeling and it can absorb you and send you to the clouds, but you have to stay rational at least sometimes :). I’m very sorry you had to ask yourself the question of whether she will cheat on you when lonely. And I think it’s a little early to talk about marriage when you hear stuff like this. Anita is right, your girl needs to do some healing before she can commit to you. Otherwise, I think she’ll struggle in any relationship. I also get the feeling that she’s not happy with herself and I don’t think this is a good state to be in for marriage. However, I think you too need to work on yourself as well. I think you rely too much on her for your own happiness. That’s a tough position to put yourself into because it raises your expectations and can burn you. I think YOU can help her, but SHE cannot help you here. So be careful and try not to hurt yourself. Don’t expect too much. Having said that, you’re young, you only live once. Do crazy things. If you think you can/should move with her – do it!
November 28, 2015 at 9:59 am #88473AnonymousInactiveAnita,
I understand now that you’re only looking out for me and what’s best. And trust me I have heard this many times before. I don’t know if she is willing to work on her healing but I know now that she is pretty sure about being with me and only me. She is going to give me an engagement ring on new years. And Trianglesun, you are right about me relying on her for my happiness most of the time anyway. But at the moment being for a while now I have not seen her so I have been finding my own way to be happy.I understand where both you and Anita are coming from and I will take your advice the best I can. I will do everything in my power to help her the best I can. I will be careful and if I am hurting I will do what I have to to stop it. I believe that’s what I want and feel as serious as the relationship is now, that I should move in with her so that’s what I am going to do. Thanks again you two.November 28, 2015 at 10:30 am #88474AnonymousGuestDear Unavailable:
You are welcome! As you move in with her, remain AWARE and AWAKE: see to it that at the same time you are helping her, that she is helping herself. See to it that as you help her, that she helps you as well. If it becomes you helping her as on a one way street, it is going to be bad for both of you. Do not settle into the role of the “strong” one, the helper, and she as the weak one, the one-to-be-helped. Help and be helped, both ways. She will get better if she understands that you need healing as well and that she CAN HELP you. This will encourage her to believe she has the strength to help you… even before she understands she has the strength to help herself.
To help her, in other words, encourage her to understand and participate in helping you.
Best wishes to you:
anitaNovember 28, 2015 at 11:45 am #88476TriangleSunParticipant@Unavailable,
Glad to hear you’ve made the decision! Good luck to both of you! 🙂 Great time to move too with the whole holiday spirit thing lol.
November 28, 2015 at 3:08 pm #88481AnonymousInactiveThanks Anita 🙂 I will do that for sure and Trianglesun thank you too. That is true lol but I am nervous about this as I am new to it. never been this serious in a relationship before, and never thought about marrying anyone before. I am excited and happy, but nervous. Any advice on this?
November 28, 2015 at 5:51 pm #88485AnonymousGuestYes, Unavailable: first, you are welcome to post here again and again while you live with your girlfriend, so as things come up- I for one, would be here to respond to you.
I would like to repeat my point in the previous post because it is so important: do not only help her, let her know you need her help too: you can’t do it alone. This is the reason and purpose of a relationship and a marriage- to help each other, to make life better for each other, with the two partners investing in the same goal: a WIN – WIN relationship!
Until your next post, be well=
anitaNovember 28, 2015 at 7:12 pm #88494AnonymousInactiveAnita,
thanks 🙂 I will do that for sure -
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