Hi all,
I’m facing a tough decision at the moment because I feel like I’m not living to my full potential or doing work that aligns with my values, but I don’t know the other options when I have very little money.

Let me explain, I’m 24 years old and I graduated a year ago with a BA in Cinema and Photography focusing on Screenwriting. And I think I’d like to write, but I’ not sure. I’d also like to do something more hands-on (e.g. Kayak instructing, although I need to improve my kayaking first, so that’s for later). All I knew when I graduated was that I didn’t want to go into the usual ‘career ladder’ pathways. I’d been depressed for most of the year following an eating disorder and seriously questioning whether I still enjoyed my subject area. Also I desperately wanted to travel. I was in some kind of love with a girl at the time and so, after a messy first shift at a street fundraising job, I left for Europe – to volunteer a bit, travel a bit and eventually visit her. Let’s say – that didn’t go to plan and I returned home heart broken and well into my overdraft.

Since then I’ve gone through three jobs, each for less than three months – the first was stacking shelves and the other two were as a Barista. It’s not that I specifically didn’t enjoy being a Barista, but something felt wrong. I felt like I should be achieving more (lifelong straight A student, so that explains itself), and putting more into the world, working to achieve dreams and aiming high. I felt trapped. I also have been living at home, ad my family life is very unhappy. Also I’m lonely. I travel alone and I’m happy like that, but here when I do feel like some social time there is nobody around who I can do that with, or to work on a project with.
Six weeks ago, instead of going to work, I ran away. I spent ten days travelling around France and eventually visited the girl from before, we’re still friends. We had a lovely time. I haven’t felt so happy, free or so much myself as I did when I was travelling again. But of course, money.

Now I still have that urge to travel, to leave and be in a place where I can do something productive, play sports, work on a passion. It’s all I can think about, and it’s making me feel depressed because I feel trapped. I have the option to go back to my previous Barista job, they want me back, and of course the money would be good, but I feel like I’m cheating myself – like I should be doing something else. It goes against my personal values to make money such a high factor in any decision. And my home life is getting unbearable.

So my decision for now is: Go back to the job for a few months only to leave again and put up with being here or… ? Use what I have to volunteer somewhere for food and board, spend some time trying to start a business/do some freelance work..? Do something else.

I know which of those options I want to do. I guess I’m scared it’ll mess up again, and everyone keeps telling me to go back to the coffee shop.

Any advice or encouragement would be appreciated in ways that there are no words for!
Ad thank you so much for reading all of this. 🙂
Kat.