Dear L,

Your situation is so much to similar to what I am going through right now. However you seem to have handled it so much better than me. I know that ‘no contacts’ are not easy and there is no such thing that ‘getting over’ 100%. But if you are clear in your head that the relationship was not healthy for you and if you trace back the reasons why you broke up in the first place, you will realize that it is best for you (and for him as well) not to reach him if you cannot do it from a place of calmness. Give it some time. Face all this anger, denial, sadness and I am sure, in the end you will be able to look at this whole situation as a learning experience which has helped you grow.

All the best!

Dear L:

You wrote that the ending of the relationship with this man was “drawn out.’ My understanding is that your ending of the relationship was very distressing to you. Following that drawn out process you cut all contact with him and although it was difficult, it was the best thing you have done for your healing process. You finally felt calm.

Then a … drawn out process started with the birthday wishing and such and now it is back to the Drawn Out process and your distress, not surprisingly, is back.

Go back then to the complete no contact decision- it has PROVEN to be the right choice for you. Don’t let his initiatives and a party in October CONTROL you. You take charge. Write to him that you wish him Happy Birthdays in advance to all his upcoming birthdays and that you do not want him to contact you for any reason, that if you see him in any party or randomly, it will be “Hi” only – or not.

No Contact. End. Finish. Done with. Why waste time with a person just because there WAS something meaningful with that person? There isn’t any more and you are missing on so much you can have with someone else.

anita

Another thing that really helped was meditating and practicing letting go of the thoughts that cause the anxiety rather than actually acting on the anxiety, and trying to maintain inner peace.