Dear A Dying Light:

“I just don’t understand my life at all. All I know is it began, it sucked, and I don’t want it any more“- I used to feel the same way (inluding when I was your age): I didn’t understand, my old life sucked, and I didn’t want any more of it. New Life is my username on this site. I chose it in May 2015 because I wanted a new life, didn’t want the old. I would like to reply to you further Sun morning (in about 10 hours from now).

anita

Dear A Dying Light

I am sorry that you feel that your suffering is unendurable and to terminate your lifeforce in this body is possibly your only option and yet amongst your post I note you talk about worth & purpose, with each breath we take can carry purpose. There are many special people who send their day in prayer for the whole of humanity, they are not famous nor do they seek it. Others find that working for the benefit of others (there are a myriad of ways) gives their life purpose and satisfaction.

I find it interesting that you choose to write on a site called tiny buddha and you make references to god (this is not meant as criticism). What I like about buddhist teachings is that it hands control over how I choose to meet lifes journey back to me, using the tools of wisdom & compassion to help me navigate lifes ups & downs.

I have had 2 suicidal grandparents (1 succeeded) and an aunt plus my uncle did take his life and my own mother would have opted for assisted suicide if the cancer she had stopped her from being able to travel to where it was legal so I make sure that I take active steps to look after my wellbeing.

I hope that you keep on reaching out and this site has many wise and compassionate contributors who are more than willing to metaphorically hold your hand thru this darkness.

Kind regards

Roberta

re-submitted:

Dear A Dying Light:

I will take my time commenting on what you shared, whatever comes to my mind (I will be thinking out loud, hence the “…”). Hopefully, there’ll be something meaningful to you somewhere in my commentary:

“I’m in a huge hole, alienated from every member of my family, children included, no friends, no way forward in life and no way out of this hole. Surely this means that, whatever god is, god wants me to kill myself“- alone in a hole, you are on your own: there is no one there but you, so… no one there who wants you to kill yourself. Alienated, no family, no friends- no one wants you to climb out of the hole and move forward. No one’s there; no one cares.

“I could recount my story in detail, and ppl would just say I’m wrong. So there’s not much point recounting my story“- alienated, alone, you hear people’s words nonetheless: their words are your thoughts. They told you that you are wrong=> you think that you are wrong.

“I wish I could earn god’s grace, but I feel like all god has done is trample me. Be when I say god, I mean ppl, because we’re all aspects of god and those with true psychic ability are supposed to be more godly than the rest of us. There is no real distinction between god and man, they’re one and same. God is tired of experiencing life as me“- People have trampled you. You tried and failed to earn people’s grace. You are tired of living life without grace.

“What do I do when life is torture?“- remove any and all unnecessary torture in between your ears, so at least, that short distance is as free of torture as can be.

“I just want someone to tell me everything gonna be alright, but how do I buy that?“- I never felt comfortable telling anyone (including myself) that everything is going to be alright. I always knew that I can’t predict the future this way, and I tend to be pessimistic… so I can’t sell another what I wouldn’t buy myself.

“ I’m alone, incomplete and lost“- a social being such as a human is indeed incomplete when alone. The human individual naturally needs others, it’s in the human genes. Alone we lose ourselves; with others, we find ourselves.

“Almost 50 years old and life has shown me so much I can’t post succinctly in a forum post. I just know it leaves me confused about my worth and purpose“- you can achieve clarity about your worth and purpose (I did and if I did… most people can).

“No reader can grasp where I am or where I’ve been without having psychic ability, the eyes of god to know me and see me“- I think that I can grasp your acute loneliness, multiple disappointments, long-term despair and resignation.

“Life is so strange, it makes sense yet doesn’t“- life often doesn’t make good sense (people’s choices, particularly the choices of people in power led us all to the senseless world we are living in; living lives with so much pain that didn’t have to be), but life does make sense when you understand humans’ motivations. Human motivations are simple, universal…  not complicated at all.

“And I don’t know what to do“- the answer is one you offered in another thread only yesterday: “Personality and attitude are the only things we have a real chance of changing“-

– when you are stuck in a hole, (“no way forward in life and no way out of this hole”), the only thing that you can change is your Attitude. With a New Attitude, a new personality can be put together, a bit at a time, a personality that can find a way forward and out of the hole.

anita

Dear A Dying Light: It’s been 15 days since you submitted your single post. In it you wrote: “Almost 50 years old and life has shown me so much I can’t post succinctly in a forum post“- perhaps my long reply to you turned you away from your own thread because there I expressed my thoughts. But it is your thoughts that need to be expressed: I hope that you post again and express yourself as succinctly as you would like to express yourself in a forum post.

anita