Hello all,

Apologies for this being another topic about a guy but I really need the space to talk it through with unbiased and open opinions from others in this community. I always seem to come away with a better understanding on the situation at hand when I discuss it openly here with all of you. So I want to start of by saying Thank you. For listening to me, having an open mind and responding from your heart. It is truly appreciated.

Background:
I have known this guy through work (works in another department but because of our lunch schedule and mutual friends I have met him) since last december. He was always nice to me even made an effort in large group settings to talk to me where I can usually be more quite and reserved. So eventually around February I got up the courage to ask him out for a drink to get to know him (just because I was getting the vibe that he was attracted to me). He was psyched and agreed wanting to get together after work that day. He was very up front with me and said he was seeing this girl and had a date/get together with her later but still really wanted to grab a drink before hand. So we did and we hit it off like two peas in a pod, conversation was flowing and it was not because of the beers, we genuinely had a LOT in common (including being super outdoorsy people who loved to go fly fishing in our free time or hiking/camping), we also had similar backgrounds (family, area in which we grew up etc.). After that we agreed that we had to get together to fish. Over the course of the remanding winter our jobs became very busy and we tried to get together here and there but otherwise we both kind of both dropped the ball. Mainly I thought he didn’t want to hang out so I stopped putting the effort in- in fear of rejection.
Fast forward to the end of april and he texts me out of the blue seeing if I wanted to fish. Well fishing turned into a weekend camping trip with some of our mutual friends the first night and then the second night just the two of us. The first night was fun, I admittedly at this point had a big crush on him solely from our one get together back in February and got the courage to make the first move. Probably not the best thing I could have done but liquid courage (alcohol will do that to you). We had our first kiss that night and he ended up sleeping beside me in my tent, nothing went forward besides that. The next day the two of us were really happy to just hang out together and fish, we ended up having a long drive to another camping site- singing to songs, laughing, sitting together at the campsite and having the most amazing in depth conversations Ive had in awhile with another guy. He was very endearing towards me, complimenting me and saying sweet things but not constantly….subtly here and there and again sleeping in my tent that night next to me staying up talking and admiring each others lives. He texts me two days later just mentioning how much fun he had, how fun I am to be around/ how awesome I am. how he wants to plan more trips, do it again!
This scenario is repeated the following weekend just the two of us and we again had a blast together, every so often grabbing one another hands and giving it a squeeze- more in depth conversations such as what kind of family do you want? how many children? whats your take on religion? whats your relationship experiences? etc.
at this point I have fallen and I realize I have to play it cool and let him come to me (the backwards game that is played in my generation), so I don’t really make an effort to contact him the next week or weekend leaving it in his hands. Until he doesn’t contact me, I realized i left something in his car that was important to me and I am basically forced to contact him via text. That starts a conversation and we get talking and I hint that I’d like to hang out again in the future and he makes the comment “I am glad you want to hang out with me again”, and I ask why he said that and he says ” I haven’t heard from you” and I say “I could say the same to you” and then he goes on the explain that he believes that there should be effort and compromise on both ends. I say fair enough. Which makes me think that he really does want to get to know me. So we plan another trip- like the other ones for that weekend.
Fast forward to the weekend and we have a great first night just the two of us, same deal- talk a lot, go to bed (same tent), kisses me good night, holds me etc.
Next night his friends come around and we have fun together, I end up getting too tired and a bit too tipsy and wander off to my tent to go to sleep, of course I can’t sleep because they are up talking but I am also interested in listening- which always gets me into trouble! well I hear one of his friends ask (or supposedly hear) ” so you and blah blah[me], whats the deal”, I clearly remember hearing his voice saying ” oh we are just going to be friends, I am not really attracted to her in that way. ya know I think she gets that a lot with guys”. So now I am upset and confused and don’t know why he said that?! and he ends up coming back to the tent because he also said several times that he was going to sleep out by the fire because it was such a pretty night out, so he comes to get his stuff. by then im pissed and have taken most of his stuff and put it outside the tent so that I don’t have to talk him but I forget his pillow and he comes for it and asks if I want to join him and I angrily say no, he asks me whats wrong and I say “leave me alone, I am pissed”. He questions me further and I really let him have it and say “get away from me”…. with some other choice words (due to alcohol). He leaves and we both go to sleep.
The next morning I am mortified and immediately when I catch him alone, I go and apologize, he asks what he did and I tell him I overheard what he had said about me. He seems confused and says he doesn’t remember talking about me at all. I stick with what I heard and apologize for my reaction but at this point I am embarrassed for myself, that I let myself get so engrossed in him that I couldn’t see the potential that he didn’t have the exact same feelings back towards me. maybe they were there but he was being cautious and getting to know me better.
After we parted ways that day, I was very upset and he picked up on that and texted me saying that the last thing he wanted to do was make me upset, that if he did say anything about me it would only ever be nice things and that I shouldn’t worry about reacting poorly to him- that everyone has their moments. he said he didn’t want to talk further about it earlier (that day-when we were together) because he didn’t know what to say really (as he kept denying that he said anything about me in the first place.

regardless here is my….

problem: do I move on with my feelings and cut off the lovey dovey stuff when we hang out because it is obviously creating this illusion that I think he likes me. Was I imagining things with what I “thought” I heard him say, if he did say those things was it just a front towards his friends and if so should I take that as a warning that this guy doesn’t want to be seen liking me? I am partially confused because I am already so intellectually invested that it is mixing my feelings for him around in a big bowl. At the same time if he liked me wouldn’t he have asked me on a date by now, I know he is a traditional guy in that sense and does do that because he has been open to me about girls he dated that winter but that didn’t work out. He also mentioned to me that he was in town (he lives another town away-were I work, so for him to come to my town is a big deal) visiting someone and stayed the night- made me think he was visiting a girl….? I am so wrapped up in this ordeal and so head over heels for him. I just want to talk with him constantly, tell him about my day, funny things that happened etc. and I know there is or was a spark between us. And we have talked previously about how in a relationship we want to be best friends with the person and really know them before we enter into anything physical. Is he trying to get to know me this way?

little about me:
I am a really outdoorsy girl, always have been very independent strong women and sometimes I let that get the best of me when hanging out with guys- I try to be more of a guy then a women. Often I will be put into that guy/bro friend category because I try to compete with them to much, Im not saying i need to be more domesticated and dainty. I just need to stop trying to be their best friend and one of them. I think a lot of guys don’t get to see my more feminine side and they automatically categorize me as undateable. This might be true for this situation.

please weigh in on the topic. I realize I am all over the map on this and it is a long drawn out story but I really connected with this guy and just need to have a direction to go in moving forward. Is it unrepairable? should I just call it friends and let the feelings go? or stay consistent in being a friend/cutting off the lovey dovey stuff…… I don’t want him to think I am not interested that way anymore but I don’t want him to think I am crazy. In the end I start to think that if he really truly liked me he would be after me more, talk to me more, ask me on a date. Maybe he just sees me as a friend after all but then whats all the compliments, ad the continued physicality that is kept up mutually? I know he is physically attracted to me because he has called me pretty or I’ll catch him starring a me or for example the second time we kissed he said ” I like kissing you”. But he won’t go any further then that, which is how it should be.

anyways help, ask questions, I will respond, weigh in and really give me your honest opinion

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you