Dear Sapnap3:

You listed as one of the reasons you want to move back home (Chicago, I believe) is “to spend time with my mother”, the same woman who told you, so you shared in March 2014- that a neighbor was “probably being friendly” when he repeatedly sexually abused you when you were six years old, saying that regardless of what he did to you, she will still use his services as a handyman because “he charges us less”;  the same woman who, so you shared July 2018, told you: “I should’ve just aborted you when I had the chance. If it weren’t for your father, you would’ve never been born”, the same woman who you financially supports and who referred to you as her “retirement fund”???

I mean, is there anything at all that your mother can say and do to you that will stop you from wanting to spend more time with her?

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by .

Dear Sapnap3:

“I was not going to reply”- I am glad you replied.

“I see that you work for TB”- no, I do not. I am a member, like you.

“Firstly, you don’t have to remind me of what my mother did or did not do. Secondly, people grow”- I suppose, if she sincerely and thoroughly apologized to you and corrected the wrong ways she behaved toward you, that would mean that she has grown. If this is the case, I am pleased and elated.

“I am learning, I am growing, I am happy… I am doing quiet well”- good to read.

“reminding someone of their sexual abuse and childhood neglect can be dangerous”- depending on context and timing. In general, if person A was repeatedly abused by person B, and A is considering reuniting with B, then it is okay for me to remind A about the abuse by B.

I have no further input to you. At this point and onward, in this thread and in any future thread that you may start, I will reply to you only if you address me by name. I hope you receive replies from other members, and that their replies will be helpful to you. I wish you well.

anita

* Dear Lula: please start your own thread (I assume you deleted or lost your previous thread?)- go to Forums at the top of the page, choose a Category (Relationships, I figure), then scroll down the page to the empty box, copy your post above and paste it in that empty box.

anita