I agree with Laura.

Have you tried journaling too? Writing down your story (like what you wrote to us) in a journal can be helpful because it de-stresses you even if just a bit and then later on when you read your entry again, you see your situation with a different perspective and you somehow start to come up with possible solutions to improve the situation.

It will take some time to resolve this, but it is a good idea to start now (or the sooner, the better). Breaking up and letting go is a challenge no matter what. It goes the same with friends, family members, and even people we work with. Sometimes we have to do what is the best for us. The one thing we should always remember is to put ourselves first. It’s like a car…the more you neglect it, the more issues it will have. If you treat it well and take it in for oil changes, tune ups, etc, the less issues it will have and the longer it will last. Think of yourself that way…you are the car that you need to use to drive throughout your life. Your boyfriend is like a nail that keeps popping your tires, making it go flat and you get stuck on the side of the road. You coming onto this forum is your way of calling AAA for roadside assistance. Now that AAA (Laura and I) have provided some assistance, your car is able to get back on the road…it is up to you whether you want to keep driving down the road where you know there will be nails (your boyfriend) or choose a different road to new possibilities. Which one do you think your car will benefit from?

You took the biggest step to change this situation by asking the forum for help. That means you are ready to make changes for yourself.

I know the feeling of “what should I do?”…I have been in that position several times, and here is what has worked for me over the years…feel free to do this if you want:

The first thing you can do is look at yourself in the mirror (don’t worry if you’re having a good or bad hair day!) and say “I love you. You come first.”

After that, maybe write down things you would like to do with your life. Things you want to do, places you want to see, etc. Have a cup of coffee or tea while you do this. When you’re done, make sure you can see the list of things you want to do…they’re your goals in life.

Keep looking at the list…think about those things as often as you can. Imagine yourself doing these things. Keep doing it over and over, when you eat, when you go to the bathroom, when you work, when you watch tv, etc.

While you’re doing this, tell yourself you cannot control anyone but yourself. It is true, we can’t control anyone…they will do what they want/as they please. The only person we can really control is ourselves…and what that means is we can choose to do what we want, as we please. With that in mind, think about letting go of your boyfriend. Think about how it will help you reach your goals if you let go of him. Think about how it will help you become a better person if you let go of him. You are choosing LOVE…you chose to love yourself, to love life. Your boyfriend chose FEAR/HURT…he lives his life with fear/hurting others. You love him enough to let him go and find his way through life. You love yourself enough to let him go so you can be free to live a life of LOVE. You are doing all this for LOVE.

The more you think about how you’re doing all this for love, the more love will come your way.

Remember it is OK to let go of people and things. They will not disappear, they will always be there…you are just choosing not to focus your life on them/the things and letting them/the things hold you back. It opens up room for you to let in other people/more healthier things for you.

It does not matter what type of background you come from…whether it was full of abuse or not. Anyone can be in a similar situation regardless their backgrounds. It is up to THEM to get out of the situation, and they can! That means it is up to you to say “ok I have had enough of this situation…my past is in the past…right now I want to life a loving life for myself, starting today.” You keep thinking that over and over (the more you think about it, the more it happens…it’s the power of attraction/manifesting your life to be the way you want it to be).

You joined Tiny Buddha for a reason! 🙂 I come here often to help me stay on track with being in the moment, doing things out of love, etc. I believe in you…I believe you will get out of the situation you are in. There will be challenges, that is normal…you just keep moving forward. Whenever you have a challenge, come back here and read an article or talk to someone on the forum like you have!

I wish you the best of luck…remember you are not tied to your situation, you can get out of it anytime you wish…you are free to do that…and you are going to do anything you do with your life out of love, especially for yourself. Letting go of people who hurt you (and who hurt themselves) is a loving thing to do, believe it or not. He will keep doing what he’s doing to you the longer you stay with him.

See,breaking up is the last step of ending a relation with some one,when all the doors are closed and no hopes are left.I tell you,its never easy to leave your partner after being with them for such a long time,and post break up experiences are something,that hurt a lot. No matter who did what,who was right and who was wrong.its a loss for both.

Respect is the most important factor in any relationship.if you love some one,but cant respect him or her,then things are not gonna work.its my personal experience. I had a break up after 3 long years of a relationship,because my ex girlfriend insulted me,started taking things for granted.Anyways,in your case as you have written,that the guy is generally kind,caring and loving,however, he abused you and humiliated you when he was drunk,then in that case if you are sure that he not going to repeat this again,then you should reconsider your thought of leaving him.I know people do mistakes,but it can be forgiven if and only if, you think it was a mistake and will not be repeated.but if your guy has a habit of doing this every time,he gets drunk then in that case it is the time for you to move on and let him realize what he has lost.If something happens once,it can be forgiven as a mistake.but if the other person keeps on doing the same thing again and again,then its a habit. Physical abuse or verbal abuse are unacceptable and if you have been abused by him again and again,the it is the time for you to move on.Don’t become a victim of your blind love for him.

and don’t think that you cant fall in love with somebody else,just because you had some bad experiences in your past.i know its really easy for others to say,but change is the ultimate truth and life never stops it self.i know it takes time,you just have to live with an open heart,you just need to give your self some time.you never know what life has for you.I read some where ““Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for the gift.”

see,i think your situation is some what similar to mine.my ex girlfriend did something once,then made promises that she wont do that ever again,and then did that again and again.I forgave her with a hope that she wont do that again,but she did.ultimately I found my self as a victim of the love i had for her.there is nothing worse then seeing your self being humiliated for no reasons.Its better being alone.rather than being abused on the name of love.now when I am not with my ex girlfriend,i often ask myself a question..”how did i let that happen to me..??

you have written that your guy has abused you 4 times in the past 6 months and he has been drinking despite of repeated promises.so now it is the time for you to decide,but before taking any decision just evaluate every thing,whether there is any scope/hope of improvement??because post break up consequences are very hard to deal with.and even if you stay with him…will you be able to accept him with all those things?will you be able to love him and,respect him after being treated like this?..so think very carefully and just decide for your self.
Tc

Littlemissbuddha

did you end up breaking up or together ?