Dear Ifty:

Your story is not as clear to me as I need it to be.

If I understand correctly your friend would have been a wonderful choice for you if he wasn’t from another religion. Am I correct?

And the problem with him being of a different religion is that your family would not approve of him? (his family would have been okay with him marrying you)?

The current man in your life clearly reads like a bad choice for you, but you are with him.. because he is of the same religion/ your parents approve of him?

You wrote: “Financially my family is fully dependent on me”- I figure, if they are fully dependent on you financially, they don’t get to choose who you should marry- you choose for yourself.

Reads like the friend would be an excellent choice, and your current boyfriend- not so.

anita

Dear Ifty:

You very much loved a friend from before (currently your boyfriend), thought he was “the one”, but he rejected you and you experienced “pains.. from rejection n betrayal”. Years later he came back to your life and wanted to be in a relationship with you. Back into your life, you were still hurt by his past rejection and betrayal, so you teased him about a friend you met after the rejection (“I used to tease him about my new friend in various ways”). You wrote about this new friend: “my friend loved me crazily. When I started dating, he missed me more and loved me more”.

As you dated your current boyfriend,  you found out that “He no longer seemed suitable”, that “His level of support was less than the new friend”, that he is “more into promises n day dreaming”, “he is not financially stable”, “He doesn’t respect me”, you wrote, and “He doesn’t appreciate me for being a career oriented woman”, as well as not appreciating your for financially supporting your family .

“He himself devoid of education. Career etc.”, you wrote.

After beginning the relationship with your boyfriend, you continued your friendship with your new friend. Your boyfriend was angry and frustrated about it. “He couldn’t stand my friend as I had teased him about him”. You finally, after a lot of “blame game, drama, tears lies abuses”, you stopped communicating with your new friend.

You want to go abroad for more education, a better career but your boyfriend doesn’t want to leave his homeland and wants you to stay with him. The current situation is that if you go abroad, the relationship with your boyfriend will end. Also, a relationship with your friend is not  possible because he is from a different religion.

Within this relationship you feel misunderstood, disrespected, unsupported, unloved, less focused, tired, “weak each day”, “Helpless devastated”. “With him I can’t fulfil my dreams”, you wrote. “And I am afraid that things might turn out to be worst after marriage”.

“What should I do now?”-

– I don’t think it was ever as easy for me to suggest to a person what they should do. Clearly, you should end your relationship with your current boyfriend. You refer to him as a “partner”, but it is the wrong title. A partner cannot possibly be a person who misunderstand, disrespects and doesn’t support the other partner.

You shouldn’t have teased him about your new friend, that was wrong of you to  do. But it doesn’t change the clear reality that your current boyfriend is a most unsuitable man for you to continue a relationship with and to get married to.

It is almost as if… a stranger on the streets is more likely to be a suitable partner to you than your boyfriend.

If you need further input from me, let me know what exactly it is that you need.

anita